White Roses Fade to Black
James Michael Kinkle
They stood over his grave and placed another bunch of flowers below the headstone. Two months since he’d left them for the golden gates of heaven, or the “brass door of Hell” as he said he’d go. Lucie squeezed Lesley’s hand and flashed her a warm, gentle smile. Lesley looked round, her pale blue eyes dull and faded; the shiny tears verged threateningly on the borders of her lids.
“I loved him, Lucie… why did he leave us?” Lesley asked, the tears finally flowing down her sullen cheeks.
Lucie held her best friend, as thoughts of Mike drifted slowly into her mind. She looked over at the headstone, fighting back tears and staying strong for her best friend. ‘James Michael Kinkle, R.I.P. Loving brother, devoted son, beloved friend. You will be missed, Mikey-boy,’ it read, causing the tears to burn stronger in Lucie’s bright green-blue eyes.
“I will not cry, I will not cry…” Lucie whispered into Lesley’s golden brown bangs.
Lesley looked up at Lucie and brushed the chocolate brown curls off her forehead. “You don’t need to stay strong for me. You go ahead and cry, he was your friend too,” Lesley smiled, her eyes sparkling faintly through the tears.
“No, I can’t. He wouldn’t have wanted us so sad,” Lucie said, the tears finally starting to slide slowly down her flushing cheeks and onto her black lace cardigan. Lucie and Lesley hugged each other, then silently walked away from Mike’s grave, arm in arm; ready for their lonely lives ahead…
*
School would never be the same. There were no more jokes, no more sharing iPods in Science. Lesley never did any of the work, just sat and wrote Mike’s name repeatedly. None of the chavs gave a damn; they threw their sandwiches and shot them snidely remarks, as if nothing had happened, as if an innocent boy hadn’t been taken away, as if a part of them had been jealously stripped from the two lonely girls, who clung to each other for support and comfort.
“Luce, I have something I need to tell you…” Lesley said.
Lucie turned her shaggy brown head towards Lesley, the smile that once played there a shadow of its former self. Lesley’s eyes darted around the room, as if she was scared or tense.
“Mike, he… he visited me last night…” she whispered, looking over her shoulder.
Lucie looked up from her tomato soup once more, her pinkish lipped mouth agape. Her best friend couldn’t be going mad, but she couldn’t have seen him… could she?
“Les, I know you’re still shaken from… what’s happened, but you can’t have-“ lucie started.
Lesley cut her off. “I know it sounds stupid, but I’m being serious. He told me to tell you that he knows about David, whatever that means, and he told me he’d always love us…” she whispered, her eyes shining with tears, but her face adorning a fake smile as the entire English department strolled past with their cheese and tuna sandwiches.
Lucie sighed, moving closer to her best friend as the tears were shed once more. Didn’t know whether to believe her or not. Her mother had always taught her not to believe in such things, but this was Lesley; she never lied, even when it mattered.
“Wow…” was all Lucie could say.
How did Mike know about David? She’d hidden her feelings for so long, crushed them with school and solving problems. But she knew they’d come back to haunt her someday. But she never thought the death of David’s brother would awaken them.
“And he also told me to tell Calum that none of this was his fault,” Lesley smiled, fresh tears already seeping down her delicate cheeks and onto her school sweater.
Yeah, it was never Calums fault. What Mike did to himself was nobodies fault, especially not his. Mike just couldn’t handle it. Lucie had a confession to make.
“Les, he visited me, too. He told me to keep my chin up, to tell you he loves you more than life itself. And that’s why he did this. He couldn’t handle the fact that you were getting so badly hurt by everyone, but cared too much about everyone else. But not just that. H-He said he c-couldn’t deal with life and just wanted to f-f-fade away…”
Lucie couldn’t continue. The tears overwhelmed her, and within seconds, Lesley had her in her arms, wiping them away and holding her own back.
“Ugh, it’s the losers. Look, they’re lesbo’s ew!” one of the chav girls yelled as they walked past.
They dumped the remains of their lunch on Lucie and Lesley and walked off, leaving the two heartbroken and destroyed girls to cry in silence.
*
The razorblade just looked so tempting. Lucie needed it so badly; if only Calum wasn’t sat there, reading to her from the textbook. She couldn’t hear his words: her full focus was on the razorblade. She couldn’t handle it anymore. She nodded blankly as Calum read some more, and slowly reached over to the blade.
“Don’t do it,” someone whispered ghostly in her ear.
Lucie gasped, her eyes darting about round the room. Her breathing jolted, and beads of sweat formed on her forehead. Was he here?
“Don’t do it,” the voice whispered again.
Oh God, he is here. “I’m sorry, Mike, I just gotta,” Lucie whispered, rubbing the old scars that were etching in her upper arm.
Calum looked up, concerned as to why Lucie was muttering his brothers name to herself. He put his hand on her arm and she gasped, hitting the world with a bump. She waved him off to let him know she was okay.
“I-I’m fine,” she whispered.
“Oh… okay,” Calum smiled, and continued reading from the textbook
Had he really been in the room with her? Lucie was so confused. Was he gonna be there, every time she needed to cut?
“I loved him, Lucie… why did he leave us?” Lesley asked, the tears finally flowing down her sullen cheeks.
Lucie held her best friend, as thoughts of Mike drifted slowly into her mind. She looked over at the headstone, fighting back tears and staying strong for her best friend. ‘James Michael Kinkle, R.I.P. Loving brother, devoted son, beloved friend. You will be missed, Mikey-boy,’ it read, causing the tears to burn stronger in Lucie’s bright green-blue eyes.
“I will not cry, I will not cry…” Lucie whispered into Lesley’s golden brown bangs.
Lesley looked up at Lucie and brushed the chocolate brown curls off her forehead. “You don’t need to stay strong for me. You go ahead and cry, he was your friend too,” Lesley smiled, her eyes sparkling faintly through the tears.
“No, I can’t. He wouldn’t have wanted us so sad,” Lucie said, the tears finally starting to slide slowly down her flushing cheeks and onto her black lace cardigan. Lucie and Lesley hugged each other, then silently walked away from Mike’s grave, arm in arm; ready for their lonely lives ahead…
*
School would never be the same. There were no more jokes, no more sharing iPods in Science. Lesley never did any of the work, just sat and wrote Mike’s name repeatedly. None of the chavs gave a damn; they threw their sandwiches and shot them snidely remarks, as if nothing had happened, as if an innocent boy hadn’t been taken away, as if a part of them had been jealously stripped from the two lonely girls, who clung to each other for support and comfort.
“Luce, I have something I need to tell you…” Lesley said.
Lucie turned her shaggy brown head towards Lesley, the smile that once played there a shadow of its former self. Lesley’s eyes darted around the room, as if she was scared or tense.
“Mike, he… he visited me last night…” she whispered, looking over her shoulder.
Lucie looked up from her tomato soup once more, her pinkish lipped mouth agape. Her best friend couldn’t be going mad, but she couldn’t have seen him… could she?
“Les, I know you’re still shaken from… what’s happened, but you can’t have-“ lucie started.
Lesley cut her off. “I know it sounds stupid, but I’m being serious. He told me to tell you that he knows about David, whatever that means, and he told me he’d always love us…” she whispered, her eyes shining with tears, but her face adorning a fake smile as the entire English department strolled past with their cheese and tuna sandwiches.
Lucie sighed, moving closer to her best friend as the tears were shed once more. Didn’t know whether to believe her or not. Her mother had always taught her not to believe in such things, but this was Lesley; she never lied, even when it mattered.
“Wow…” was all Lucie could say.
How did Mike know about David? She’d hidden her feelings for so long, crushed them with school and solving problems. But she knew they’d come back to haunt her someday. But she never thought the death of David’s brother would awaken them.
“And he also told me to tell Calum that none of this was his fault,” Lesley smiled, fresh tears already seeping down her delicate cheeks and onto her school sweater.
Yeah, it was never Calums fault. What Mike did to himself was nobodies fault, especially not his. Mike just couldn’t handle it. Lucie had a confession to make.
“Les, he visited me, too. He told me to keep my chin up, to tell you he loves you more than life itself. And that’s why he did this. He couldn’t handle the fact that you were getting so badly hurt by everyone, but cared too much about everyone else. But not just that. H-He said he c-couldn’t deal with life and just wanted to f-f-fade away…”
Lucie couldn’t continue. The tears overwhelmed her, and within seconds, Lesley had her in her arms, wiping them away and holding her own back.
“Ugh, it’s the losers. Look, they’re lesbo’s ew!” one of the chav girls yelled as they walked past.
They dumped the remains of their lunch on Lucie and Lesley and walked off, leaving the two heartbroken and destroyed girls to cry in silence.
*
The razorblade just looked so tempting. Lucie needed it so badly; if only Calum wasn’t sat there, reading to her from the textbook. She couldn’t hear his words: her full focus was on the razorblade. She couldn’t handle it anymore. She nodded blankly as Calum read some more, and slowly reached over to the blade.
“Don’t do it,” someone whispered ghostly in her ear.
Lucie gasped, her eyes darting about round the room. Her breathing jolted, and beads of sweat formed on her forehead. Was he here?
“Don’t do it,” the voice whispered again.
Oh God, he is here. “I’m sorry, Mike, I just gotta,” Lucie whispered, rubbing the old scars that were etching in her upper arm.
Calum looked up, concerned as to why Lucie was muttering his brothers name to herself. He put his hand on her arm and she gasped, hitting the world with a bump. She waved him off to let him know she was okay.
“I-I’m fine,” she whispered.
“Oh… okay,” Calum smiled, and continued reading from the textbook
Had he really been in the room with her? Lucie was so confused. Was he gonna be there, every time she needed to cut?