White Roses Fade to Black
"The Day You Slipped Away."
Lesley’s eyes snapped open. That same dream again. The one where Lucie was on the verge of dying; she couldn’t move, she couldn’t speak. She couldn’t breathe.
Lesley started breathing fast, her eyes wide as saucers and her lungs gasping for air. Calum woke up and realized what was happening. His hand found that spot on her back, and he moved his hand in circles.
“Follow me, Lesley. Listen to me breathe and try to do the same,” he said calmly.
He started breathing deeply and slowly. Lesley took his free hand in hers and squeezed, trying to follow.
“In and out, Lesley. In and out. Nice and slowly, now,” he whispered.
She was doing it. Her breathing slowly calmed. Soon, they were breathing in time, and Lesley’s flushed face slowly turned that eerie shade of grayish pink that she’d been for the last four days. Calum was cool as a cucumber on the surface, but underneath the calm and collected exterior, he was absolutely fucking terrified.
“Okay?” he asked her.
She nodded slowly, before getting up and running to the fridge. She pulled out the ingredients for a quick cheese sandwich. She buttered her bread and added the cheese, then quickly and hungrily devoured the meal she’d just prepared.
“I have to go see Lucie. She’s my best friend, I gotta apologize,” Lesley whispered.
Calum nodded; he understood. It was his fault they’d fallen out in the first place. He always blamed himself for everything. He blamed himself for Mike’s suicide, and now, for this.
“See you when you get back,” he waved.
And with that, she was gone. No sooner had the front door been opened, was it shut again. Calum sighed and made himself a sandwich, then searched everywhere for the aspirin. He had a hangover from his vodka downage last night. His pain relief was not so pain relieving after all. More like pain receiving.
*
I miss you, I miss you so bad
I don’t forget you; oh it’s so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won’t be the same
Oh
I didn’t get around to kiss you goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can’t
I hope you can hear me
Coz I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won’t be the same
I’ve had my wake up
Won’t you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can’t take it
It’s wasn’t fake it
It happened; you passed by!
Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere I can’t bring you back
Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere you’re not coming back
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won’t be the same
No
The day you slipped away
Was the day that I found it won’t be the same
No…
Katherine sang along to the lyrics that she now held dear to her heart. Like My Immortal had an effect on Lucie, Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne meant more and more to Katherine every time she listened to it; it made more and more sense, too.
“The day you slipped away was the day I found it won’t be the day I found it won’t be the same, Mike. Now you’re gone, there you go: somewhere I can’t bring you back, Mike,” Katherine coughed.
The pain in her heart was worse than ever. It seemed to get worse by the day, not better. People at school seemed to be loosing interest in her, and her real friends were nowhere to be found.
Click.
She pressed the button and her CD changer turned onto Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance.
Click.
She changed the CD one more time, this time landing on I Miss You by Blink 182. It seemed that everything she listened to was linked to Mike. He was everywhere; he was haunting her…
“Fuck off, Mike! Leave me alone! I’m sorry, okay!? I can’t help it! Look what I’ve done! Look what you’ve made me do! I love you so fucking much and this is how you repay me!? I’m sorry!” she screamed, ripping up her sweater.
The drying blood soaked into her skin; she’d not bothered cleaning it. The box of tissues lay empty on her bedroom floor, amongst used tissues that she’d just slung. The deep, red cuts bled slowly, only allowing a small trickle of blood to escape the scabs.
“I’m so sorry… I couldn’t help it. I miss you so much, Mikey,” she whispered, once again collapsing into a fit of sobs and tears.
*
Lesley sat on Lucie’s doorstep, awaiting her return. The door was locked; the Stinton’s were out. Not as a family, though. Never as a family. According to her parents, Lucie was an embarrassment, a disgrace. A freak.
Lesley was soon met with the sound of footsteps. Her eyes drifted to the shoes, and when she saw the familiar converses with black and red laces, she flung herself onto her best friend.
“Oh Lesley, I missed you so much,” Lucie cried, tears racing down her face.
“I missed you too, Luce. I’m so sorry for yelling at you the other day. I’m a bitch, I know,” Lesley whispered, looking at the floor.
Lucie just hugged her again. She just wanted to tell her everything; so she was going to. She just needed Lesley calm, first.
“Lesley, I’m going to tell you everything…” Lucie sighed.
Lesley just looked at her confused. Lucie sighed again and sat on the doorstep, closely followed by Lesley.
And that’s when Lucie poured everything out to Lesley. Her parents beating her; the cause of her first panic attack; her relationship with David; what had happened earlier. Everything, down to the tiniest detail.
By the end, Lesley was speechless but in tears. Lucie was still crying, her eyes sore and her face numb.
“Why didn’t you tell me…?” Lesley asked.
Lucie looked at the floor. She couldn’t tell anyone; no one would believe her. Her parents were religious and good people, apparently.
“I couldn’t tell anyone. The only reason David knows is coz he saw the bruises and cuts, and I ended up letting it all out. I know now that I should have told you. Only one person, apart from you and David, knows about all of this. And that person… is… up there,” Lucie whispered, pointing upwards.
Lesley understood. She knew exactly who Lucie meant: Mike. Lucie had told Mike everything, in detail. When she lost her last tooth, every last gory aspect of it was described to Mike. He’d always laugh and ruffle her hair.
Lesley sniffed and smiled. Mike was the kind of person who always laughed; whether he’d just been tackled in American football or hit in the head with a cricket bat by a twelve year old David.
They pulled each other into a hug, and just sat holding each other until it got dark and cold out.
“Can we go inside?” Lesley asked.
Lucie shook her head.
“We gotta get Calum and a load of David’s stuff for when he wakes up at hospital,” she mumbled.
Lesley started breathing fast, her eyes wide as saucers and her lungs gasping for air. Calum woke up and realized what was happening. His hand found that spot on her back, and he moved his hand in circles.
“Follow me, Lesley. Listen to me breathe and try to do the same,” he said calmly.
He started breathing deeply and slowly. Lesley took his free hand in hers and squeezed, trying to follow.
“In and out, Lesley. In and out. Nice and slowly, now,” he whispered.
She was doing it. Her breathing slowly calmed. Soon, they were breathing in time, and Lesley’s flushed face slowly turned that eerie shade of grayish pink that she’d been for the last four days. Calum was cool as a cucumber on the surface, but underneath the calm and collected exterior, he was absolutely fucking terrified.
“Okay?” he asked her.
She nodded slowly, before getting up and running to the fridge. She pulled out the ingredients for a quick cheese sandwich. She buttered her bread and added the cheese, then quickly and hungrily devoured the meal she’d just prepared.
“I have to go see Lucie. She’s my best friend, I gotta apologize,” Lesley whispered.
Calum nodded; he understood. It was his fault they’d fallen out in the first place. He always blamed himself for everything. He blamed himself for Mike’s suicide, and now, for this.
“See you when you get back,” he waved.
And with that, she was gone. No sooner had the front door been opened, was it shut again. Calum sighed and made himself a sandwich, then searched everywhere for the aspirin. He had a hangover from his vodka downage last night. His pain relief was not so pain relieving after all. More like pain receiving.
*
I miss you, I miss you so bad
I don’t forget you; oh it’s so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won’t be the same
Oh
I didn’t get around to kiss you goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can’t
I hope you can hear me
Coz I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won’t be the same
I’ve had my wake up
Won’t you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can’t take it
It’s wasn’t fake it
It happened; you passed by!
Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere I can’t bring you back
Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere you’re not coming back
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won’t be the same
No
The day you slipped away
Was the day that I found it won’t be the same
No…
Katherine sang along to the lyrics that she now held dear to her heart. Like My Immortal had an effect on Lucie, Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne meant more and more to Katherine every time she listened to it; it made more and more sense, too.
“The day you slipped away was the day I found it won’t be the day I found it won’t be the same, Mike. Now you’re gone, there you go: somewhere I can’t bring you back, Mike,” Katherine coughed.
The pain in her heart was worse than ever. It seemed to get worse by the day, not better. People at school seemed to be loosing interest in her, and her real friends were nowhere to be found.
Click.
She pressed the button and her CD changer turned onto Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance.
Click.
She changed the CD one more time, this time landing on I Miss You by Blink 182. It seemed that everything she listened to was linked to Mike. He was everywhere; he was haunting her…
“Fuck off, Mike! Leave me alone! I’m sorry, okay!? I can’t help it! Look what I’ve done! Look what you’ve made me do! I love you so fucking much and this is how you repay me!? I’m sorry!” she screamed, ripping up her sweater.
The drying blood soaked into her skin; she’d not bothered cleaning it. The box of tissues lay empty on her bedroom floor, amongst used tissues that she’d just slung. The deep, red cuts bled slowly, only allowing a small trickle of blood to escape the scabs.
“I’m so sorry… I couldn’t help it. I miss you so much, Mikey,” she whispered, once again collapsing into a fit of sobs and tears.
*
Lesley sat on Lucie’s doorstep, awaiting her return. The door was locked; the Stinton’s were out. Not as a family, though. Never as a family. According to her parents, Lucie was an embarrassment, a disgrace. A freak.
Lesley was soon met with the sound of footsteps. Her eyes drifted to the shoes, and when she saw the familiar converses with black and red laces, she flung herself onto her best friend.
“Oh Lesley, I missed you so much,” Lucie cried, tears racing down her face.
“I missed you too, Luce. I’m so sorry for yelling at you the other day. I’m a bitch, I know,” Lesley whispered, looking at the floor.
Lucie just hugged her again. She just wanted to tell her everything; so she was going to. She just needed Lesley calm, first.
“Lesley, I’m going to tell you everything…” Lucie sighed.
Lesley just looked at her confused. Lucie sighed again and sat on the doorstep, closely followed by Lesley.
And that’s when Lucie poured everything out to Lesley. Her parents beating her; the cause of her first panic attack; her relationship with David; what had happened earlier. Everything, down to the tiniest detail.
By the end, Lesley was speechless but in tears. Lucie was still crying, her eyes sore and her face numb.
“Why didn’t you tell me…?” Lesley asked.
Lucie looked at the floor. She couldn’t tell anyone; no one would believe her. Her parents were religious and good people, apparently.
“I couldn’t tell anyone. The only reason David knows is coz he saw the bruises and cuts, and I ended up letting it all out. I know now that I should have told you. Only one person, apart from you and David, knows about all of this. And that person… is… up there,” Lucie whispered, pointing upwards.
Lesley understood. She knew exactly who Lucie meant: Mike. Lucie had told Mike everything, in detail. When she lost her last tooth, every last gory aspect of it was described to Mike. He’d always laugh and ruffle her hair.
Lesley sniffed and smiled. Mike was the kind of person who always laughed; whether he’d just been tackled in American football or hit in the head with a cricket bat by a twelve year old David.
They pulled each other into a hug, and just sat holding each other until it got dark and cold out.
“Can we go inside?” Lesley asked.
Lucie shook her head.
“We gotta get Calum and a load of David’s stuff for when he wakes up at hospital,” she mumbled.