White Roses Fade to Black

There it was, just lying there. A plain little sheet of paper, folded twice and bearing her name. Her hand shook as she hesitantly went to pick up the small note left in her top underwear drawer.

It was soft to the touch, smooth as her fingers caressed the surface, curiosity and apprehension making the hairs on the back of her neck and her arms stand on end. Silence bounced around the room, broken only by the sound of rustling paper as Lesley opened the note: slowly… carefully… hopefully…

“My Lesley…
I know all we’ve ever been is friends, but over the past four years, my feelings for you have made it clear to me that… Hell, I love you Lesley. Always have, always will. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I fell in love. You’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me, Les; so it’s kind of a bummer that these are the last words I will ever say to you. I wish I could have held you in my arms, knowing you felt the same. I wish I could have kissed you and told you I love you. But I can’t take all of this anymore. I’m so sorry, Lesley… I will always love you, forever and ever, babe.
JMK x”

The tears slid down her face; her heart broke helplessly as she held the letter as close to herself as she possibly could. She didn’t want to ever have to let go. It almost felt like he was there with her, as if he was holding her, as if he was watching her, as if he was loving her…

Lesley knew what she had to do. Slowly, she sauntered, down the stairs to the cabinet that contained all her parents’ alcohol; Christmas wines, whiskeys, brandy’s. And the fridge, with the many beers and ciders that her parents couldn’t live without.

But before any of that, she wrote the note that would address whom ever should appear at the scene. She prayed it to be Lucie as she shakily formed the words with her lips and her pen; they almost seemed to flow from the tip of the ballpoint in her hand.

“Dear Lucie or whoever else cares:
Hopefully this is the last you’ll ever hear from me. My life’s been a mess from day one, I was damned from the start. There were five great people in my life, five people who cared and who loved me for who I am. There is one more person too, who’s been there forever but has grown distant lately. I thank him too, for helping me stay alive this far, along with the others. Even though him and four of the others are still here, the most loved one is not. And I can’t live without him.
David. No matter what, I could come to you with a problem and you’d either help me on my way to solving it myself, or just plain solve it for me. You and Lucie belong together, and I hope nothing ever comes between you two. You’re amazing David, believe it and don’t ever change it. I’ll say hi to Mike for you, dude. I know you miss him and I’m damn sure he misses you too.
Katherine. I love how you’ve changed; I think you’ve been like that always, on the inside. I know how you felt about Mike, and honestly, I’m not angry or anything. Everyone’s entitled to feelings and they’re uncontrollable. Mike was loveable, and everyone loved him, however way they did. You’re still an amazing friend, no matter what your feelings for Mike. Ain’t like he was ever mine anyways, huh? So, don’t be ashamed of what you feel, ever.
Nathaniel. You’re not mentioned much here because you’ve been away for three years and you’ve been distant. I haven’t gotten round to talking to my favorite ‘cousin’ yet. Remember when we used to play in Lucie’s paddling pool together? That was fun. I miss those days. Hope you and Katherine do well, coz like David and Lucie, you’re fucking meant to be together.
Calum. Calum… What can I say? I guess, I can honestly say that I love you. Yes, there’s always been Mike. No-one can ever take his place in my heart but everyone’s got to move on sometime. Man, that sounds really cruel. Just know that I love you, Cal. Always and always.
Lucie. Honey you’re my best, best friend. You were my rock through all of these years. Eleven years in the making. I remember the first day I met you, in Reception. You were playing on your own with a pen and paper, seeing as you and me were the only ones who could write. I was bored and alone and you seemed cool, so I picked you out of the other twenty something kids. I don’t know where I’d be without you. Six feet underground and rotting in a box, that’s where I’d be.
I hate that it has to end this way, you guys. By the time you find me, the car will be dead and gone, along with me. Remember that I’ll always love you guys, and that no matter what, I’ll be watching over you and there with you in spirit. Once again, I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused. I’ll see you all again someday. I guess I’ll put an end to this essay now.
Don’t cry for me
LOR”

She gently folded the paper and slipped it delicately into her jeans pocket. Slowly and carefully, she opened the cabinet, revealing the many glistening, gleaming bottles, full to the brim with alcoholic substances. Lesley grabbed the first one she could reach, opened it and started her downfall, forgetting the glass. All she cared about now was what was at the end of all of this.

The cool liquids slid past her lips and down her throat; some tasted sweet, others bitter - but Lesley didn’t care. As the room spun faster, more alcohol passed her lips, dizzying her and almost making her pass out, but she barely clung, helplessly and agonizingly, onto consciousness…

*
An hour later, Lucie, Calum, David, Katherine and Nathaniel sauntered into Lucie’s home. The walk back had taken longer than expected, what with all the little alleyways and roads they’d decided to walk down. A small piece of paper caught Nathaniel’s eyes, and he picked it up, reading the outer side.

“It’s for you, J,” he whispered, his slight German accent just audible.

Lucie looked at him confusedly, then the note, and took it, opening it slowly and carefully - scared of what such a note could tell her…

A gasp escaped her lips and she tried to fight the faint feeling that was now seeping quickly through her, into her system. Sadly, she couldn‘t, and collapsed into David’s arms. He stroked her hair and shook her gently, trying to keep his breathing normal and not to freak out.

Calum hesitantly and shakily picked up the note that had fallen so suddenly from her hands, and read it through. He felt his heart break as the tears rolled and slid down his face.

“What does it say?” David asked quietly, his voice caked in that worried tone he’d used so often lately.

His own voice choked and weak, Calum read the note to the remaining conscious people, whose eyes had not yet graced the paper. Whose eyes so suddenly grew teary, then sore and red and puffy. Katherine sobbed into Nathaniel’s shoulder, causing him to pull her into a tight hug for comfort.

Lucie began to stir, her limbs regaining stability and control. Her piercing eyes found the paper once more, causing tears to fall from the eyes that so many different eyes had called pretty.

“We need to find her…” she whispered.

A murmur of agreement flitted through the group, and they ran out to the car that was never used. Calum, being the only one old enough to own a license, took it into his own hands to drive.

The ride was painful. Lucie sobbed desperately into a terrified David, who was trying distraughtly to keep his own tears back, as were Calum and Nathaniel. Katherine sat, silent and withdrawn, as the tears rolled noiselessly and gradually down her pale and weathered face.

Her big brown eyes became fixed on the old green car in front, that was driving as recklessly as everyone’s heart in the car was beating. She caught sight of the license plate and recognized it instantly.

“That’s her!” Katherine screamed, throwing her arm forward to point at the reckless car in front, just as it swerved into an oncoming lorry…

*
It’s a peculiar sensation, metal breaking bone, piercing skin. It’s a strange feeling, warm blood leaking onto your clothes. Or that’s what Lesley thought as it all happened to her at once.

The steering wheel crashed itself into her chest; the cart door plunged into her side; the bonnet collapsed under the weight of the lorry, crushing her legs and breaking them for sure. She whimpered slightly, as the lorry collapsed more onto her legs. Her body grew numb and she felt no pain.

A car pulled up beside her, the tires screeching and forcing the car to a halt. The slightly battered car doors opened, revealing her five greatest friends in the whole world. They ran over to her, and the sounds of sobbing filled the air.

“Lesley,” Lucie whispered, tears drenching every bit of her they could.

Lesley pushed the tears over her eyelids, causing Lucie to cry more at the thought of what her best friend might be experiencing. The pain; the sadness; the numbness; the dieing…

“I’m so sorry,” Lesley forced, every word ticking closer to the ever impending death that awaited her with open arms.

Lucie sniffed and took Lesley’s hand. In her head, she told herself that it would all be okay, but she knew deep down that this was the end. She squeezed her best friend’s hand, silently wishing things weren’t this way.

David was on his cell phone, pleading with a woman on the other end to send an ambulance to wherever they were; Lucie didn’t know. All she knew right now was that Lesley was dieing in that car and if some paramedics didn’t get there fast, she’d be gone.

She started to sing softly, the words engulfing the six friends as they washed over them, through them, into them. Lucie’s voice was shaking and broken, but the words that came out of her mouth sounded so beautiful to Lesley. Three short lines by her favorite band, sung by her best friend.

“Since we talked alone
Come angels of unknown
Come angels of unknown”

Lesley closed her eyes as the words of “Interlude” penetrated her ears. Her heart started to thud slowly but hard, like it would burst out of her chest. It got slower and slower, and she felt her eyelids growing heavy. She told herself not to sleep, but weakness and numbness was taking over her entire system. Until she couldn’t fight it anymore.

Then with that, Lesley’s hand grew limp. And though the sirens blared and blue lights flashed around her, though the blood still seeped out of Lesley’s wounds onto her clothes, though her head kept telling her it wasn’t so, Lucie knew there was nothing they could do. Lesley was gone.

Like dust in the wind: gone.

“And P.S. I will always love you guys… Always…”