The World Forgot

They didn’t go dancing. They had stood silently in the open doorway for a few silent moments until Amanda finally took a hold of Ryan’s hand, pulling him into her apartment and closing the door behind him.

“Do you want to talk about this?” Ryan asked, squeezing Amanda’s hand. She let go, looking hesitant before suddenly grabbing the lapels of his jacket, forcing him closer to her so that her lips could meet his more easily.

She felt desperate—an animalistic feeling taking over her as she pushed the jacket from his shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. She could feel Ryan’s hesitation in the way his hands barely rested on her waist, barely responding to her kiss. His cautiousness over the past month made much more sense now.

She pulled away and grasped his face with her hands to make him look at her.

“Will you stop being so careful?” she said, leaning forward to kiss him again. She tugged at the buttons of his shirt, breaking their kiss again.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly as she continued to work on his shirt. She stopped her fingers and laughed exasperatedly.

“Please trust me when I say I’m fine,” she answered, reaching a hand to the back of his neck. “I just need this. I’ve only got a week left to enjoy this and then we start over.”

She looked down, taking a deep breath to keep from crying. How could he do this every fucking month when she just had to deal with it for a month before getting a clean slate?

“Amanda.”

She looked up at him again and promptly kissed him. She finally felt him respond to her, his lips parting, tongue darting out to touch hers hesitantly. She moved her lips away from his mouth, though, first to his cheek and then his ear, pressing her body closer to his.

“I want you to fuck me,” she said, not caring how vulgar it sounded. She wanted to be consumed by thoughts of Ryan, wanted to be wrapped up in him while she had him. While she remembered. She just wanted to be in the moment and not think too much of the week to come.

Ryan’s hand was in her hair, hugging her to him, unsure of how to continue. This wasn’t the first time they had shared a bed, but it just seemed to get more and more difficult the longer this continued. And in some ways, Ryan was a weak man—especially when it came to Amanda.

He pulled away from her, and for a brief moment Amanda thought he was going to leave, but that fear was gone as soon as Ryan grabbed her hand and started leading her to her bedroom. She smiled, understanding that this must not have been the first time they’d done this.

As they moved together on the bed, hot and sweaty skin sticking together, Amanda had the distinct feeling of déjà vu. Ryan’s lips brought her back to the present as she went over the edge, shivering beneath him in ecstasy.

Being with Ryan felt so right and natural that it was a shame that she had to forget about it.

The tears came once Ryan was asleep, silently sliding down her face. She was starting to hate this life she’d created for herself.