Give Me Envy, Give Me Malice, Give Me Your Attention

Anna didn’t know how long she lay in bed after waking up from her slumber. She didn’t have the energy or will to go and open the curtains to estimate the time. She just wanted to leave this life and never have to deal with any of this ever again. Of course, she was immortal. That was never going to happen. Seconds could have been minutes, minutes could have been hours, hours could have been days. She didn’t know. She would wake up and just lie there until she fell asleep again. She was woken from one of these many light sleeps when she felt the side of her bed drop a bit, and realized that somebody was sitting there. She didn’t bother turning around to see who it was. It’s not like there were many options, and they’d all want to say the same thing anyway.

“I don’t want to talk,” she whispered, waiting for a reply so she would know who it was.

However, she didn’t get the low whispered reply she’d been expecting from either Ryan, Chiz, or Travis. Instead it was a higher voice, a woman’s voice, timidly quiet but not in a whisper.

“Anna?”

In surprise, Anna turned to see Bella’s rough silhouette in the dark room. She tried not to wince at the pain bursting through all her acquired cuts and bruises.

“Bella?” she croaked.

“Yeah.” Bella whispered back.

After a few moments of silence, Bella made her way over to the curtains and pulled them back, letting soft dawn light up the room. Anna sat up in her bed and Bella returned to her side, gasping at a purple bruise on Anna’s cheek and cuts on her lip and eye. It hadn’t been as long as Anna had been hoping; it was just the next night. And the physical reminders of her pain were almost healed, but not quite gone yet. Anna avoided Bella’s eyes as Bella scanned over her friend, looking for any other sores. Anna hugged the covers of the bed closer to her, thankful that it was covering some of the worse injuries. Bella was afraid to start her next sentence. She was scared to know the answer, even though she already did.

“Did… did William…”

“Yeah,” Anna answered softly.

“I’m so sorry, Anna,” Bella put her head in her hands and shook it violently, eyes shut.

“Nothing’s your fault,” Anna said.

“Yes it is. I got angry at him and so he took it out on you. I should’ve known. I’m so…”

“Don’t you dare say sorry,” Anna warned. “And don’t you dare blame yourself for this.”

A silence enveloped the room as the two looked at each other. Anna’s bare and bruised shoulders held up a plain black singlet under the heavy red duvet and her dark hair was a mess scraped out of her eyes and hanging down her back. Bella’s white face looked tired with blue circles under her eyes, her hair straight but sticking up a little in some places, and she wore a simple but pretty white dress and black hoodie. Regardless of what they’d been through, regardless of what it seemed, they both still looked beautiful like this. Vampire venom will do that to you. But right now, they couldn’t have wished more that they were carefree humans again, the way they were only a little more than a year before. It seemed like so much further away.

“He told me you were dead,” Bella spoke quietly, looking down at her knees. “I swear, Anna, if I knew you were alive I would’ve…”

“Don’t worry Bella,” Anna smiled slightly. “I know that now. Let’s not make this reunion all about unnecessary apologies.”

“Okay,” Bella smiled too and they hugged each other.

After everything, even though they were now completely different creatures, this was the most human they’d felt since they were, and both of their smiles grew a little. Anna threw the covers back and stretched her limbs before sitting cross-legged on one side of the bed. Bella tucked both her legs underneath her and sat on the other side, facing her best friend.

“Andy proposed to Lara,” Anna said with a ghost of a smile on her lips.

“I know!” Bella grinned and then sighed. “I’m so glad she’s got him. I know she’s upset, but at least she’s got a proper life.”

“Yeah. I’ve been watching her every day. It’s all that kept me going for ages.”

“Me too. He’s such a good guy, too. He believed her straight away when she told him about… vampires. Didn’t question her sanity. And he loves her so much. I wish it were that easy for us.”

“They’re so perfect together. Regardless of the age difference.”

“Six years isn’t so much.”

“I know, but she had her doubts, didn’t she? I’m glad she got over them.”

A comfortable quietness settled over them, but Bella broke it a few minutes later.

“Gah! It’s going to be a sunny day today,” she leapt gracefully off the bed and pulled the curtains closed again before turning on the elaborate light hanging from the ceiling. “But I’m not tired. Let’s do something.”

“Like what?” Anna laughed a little at her friend’s enthusiasm.

“Well, firstly, I’m going to raid your closet and we’re going to make each other look wonderful and then we’re going to wonder the mansion. Together.”

Anna bit her lip and looked down at her arm, where a purple bruise was beginning to yellow. Bella didn’t notice, however, and was already busying herself inside the walk-in wardrobe.

They spent around an hour just talking and laughing, catching up and getting dressed, trying to be as normal and human as possible. Trying to go back to the way they used to be, even though they both knew inside that wasn’t happening. Bella was trying to convince Anna to wear a black and cream dress that she’d found, and Anna was standing with her arms crossed determined not to give in, when they were startled back to reality by a knock at the door.

“Anna?” Ryan asked cautiously, poking his head through the door when he saw the light on. The two heads snapped his way and he immediately felt slightly embarrassed.

“Oh. Uh, sorry…” he stumbled over words at the unexpected scene. Anna looked relatively happy. He hoped he hadn’t just crushed that. “I guess I’ll talk to you later…”

And on that note he closed the door gently, leaving Anna feeling embarrassed and Bella looking at her with a small smirk on her face.

“I can’t believe I forgot to ask!” Bella hit her head with the palm of her hand. “Who is that?”

Anna avoided her friend’s curious gaze and mumbled to the floor.

“Ryan.”

Bella’s eyebrows flew up and she shot Anna a suggestive look.

“Ryan, huh? I think you have some explaining to do…”

Anna sighed and resigned. She’d have to tell her sooner or later anyway.

“He’s, uh, he’s my boyfriend.”

“Ahh!” Bella squealed. “I knew it! You two were about to kiss last night, weren’t you? Oh my god, that is so cute! He’s quite good looking too, definitely the kind of person you’re attracted to. And I could see the way he looks at you, like you’re the brightest star in the sky, you two are so…”

“Bella!” Anna had to raise her voice to get her friend to realize that she was talking. “It’s kind of a bit more complicated than that. You know that... you know that William bit me.”

Bella’s hype died a little and she looked with sympathy at her friend, but she tried not to let it show. Anna wasn’t big on sympathy.

“So how is it between you, then?” she asked slowly.

Anna began recalling all of the happenings since she met Chiz and Travis and Ryan. Bella listened intently, her eyes noticeably lighting up when Anna told her something sweet that Ryan had done for her, like that night he brought her to Jon’s restaurant. Anna froze when it came to describing her feelings towards Beckett and how he abused her, but Bella prompted her to go on, so she did with difficulty. In the end, though, it felt better to get it all out.

“Anna, it sounds like he really loves you.”

“I know!” Anna groaned. “And it’s so not fair on him, because I can’t love him back entirely the same way!”

“But it’s improving, right? If I can keep William away from you two and just let you be, will it be okay then?”

Anna’s mind struggled to come to terms with this. It was possible. But she ‘loved’ Beckett as much as she hated him, and she didn’t want to never see him again. Then Ryan’s face came to her mind. His shy smile, his beautiful brown eyes, his soft kisses. The thought of him made her just a little stronger, and she managed to choke out a,

“Maybe.”