Give Me Envy, Give Me Malice, Give Me Your Attention

Unsuspecting people zoom over me. I barely notice it. There’s too much on my mind to worry about insignificant humans and their inconvenient methods of traveling. I don’t know why I came here. I just needed to get out of Chicago. Clear my head. Sitting under the Bridge of Sighs seems like a less than desirable place for the leader of the Dandies to choose as his getaway, but I needed to get far enough away that I wouldn’t do anything too irrational. Venice seems far enough away. The vampires here are more than willing to be hospitable towards me; one of the bonuses of being powerful and feared. All I’ve been focusing on up until now is just getting away. Now I’ve gotten away, but I am a little afraid to let down my mind and think. I’m afraid of what I’ll find.

What the hell have you done, William?

Don’t call me that.

Oh, I do apologize, great Sir Beckett.

Enough of the sarcasm.

You don’t control me. We’re on equal terms here.

But I’m the vampire. Without me you’re nothing but a corpse.

That’s not true. Without me you’re not even real. Without me you don’t even exist.

Without you I could be anyone I want. I’m in control here.

Then why are you talking to yourself?

…

Oh my god, I’ve actually gone insane. What the hell is wrong with me? How could I do that to anyone? It’s not like it’s entirely her fault. She was just looking out for her friend… but she didn’t need to protect Bella from me. I love Bella. That’s the only reason I did what I had to do. Anna… Anna just got in the way. But it was my fault. What was I thinking, trying to change her in front of two perfectly liable witnesses? Not that any humans would believe them… but it would only be a matter of time before Anna and Lara found out that there are those who would believe them… and then I’d be in serious trouble. But… how could I not have thought of this before?! Do they know? Of course they know, everyone in the whole bloody vampire world knows! But then why haven’t they caused me any trouble yet? Ryan’s still on good terms with them, isn’t he? Maybe there’s a purpose for him in this mess after all…

And that’s another thing! What the hell was she doing about to kiss Ryan that night? I’m not exactly proud of it, but I know that she wants to be with me. I don’t know, I’ve obviously never been in the situation, but from what I’ve heard it takes a lot of will to even sway a little from that path. Anna was more than swaying… she was happy. Until she saw me again. Wow, what a confidence boost. I suck the happiness out of people. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised; I suck human’s life, it’s only fitting that I take something from vampires too.

It’s not like I chose this life, though, right? If I had the choice, if I could go back, I would. But I can’t. And in a moment of selfishness I took my friends down with me. Who does that? I’m so terrible. And conning myself into thinking that changing my other friends would save them from me killing them… What is wrong with me?

Well it’s too late now. This is the way it is. There’s no going back. I love Bella. She loves me, when Anna isn’t around to cloud her vision. So it’s simple math.

Me + Bella + Anna = Bad

Me + Bella – Anna = Good

Me – Bella = Bad

Me – Anna = Good

Bella + Anna = … Good but essentially Bad for me. Bloody oxymoron.

Anna + No longer existing = Good

So that’s it then.
I have no choice, really.
Anna has to go.

I hate her, anyway! She’s turned me into this uncontrollable monster! She’s made me everything I always promised myself I wouldn’t be. Without her, Bella and I will be perfectly happy. And I can’t deny that killing her would probably be the most satisfying feeling of all. The feeling of accomplishment. Of personally eliminating my problems. All single-handedly. I’ll prove to myself that I am in control.

I hate her! Arianna Thorn, treasure your next days. I promise that I will make them your last.