Give Me Envy, Give Me Malice, Give Me Your Attention

“Come on, Anna. It’ll be fine, trust me.”

Anna bit down nervously on her lip as Ryan tugged on her hand.

“How am I supposed to trust when you won’t even tell me where we’re going?” she whispered quietly. She regretted it when she saw his eyes fall. She reached her hand up slowly and touched his cheek. His eyes glanced up to meet hers, slightly surprised. This was the first kind of affectionate contact she’d initiated in a few weeks.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she breathed, her cool breath hitting his jaw refreshingly.

“I know,” he whispered, dropping his arms to the middle of her back and holding her close. When she didn’t pull away, he kissed her cheek. “Okay, so do you remember me telling you that there might be away around drinking blood, if that was what you wanted?”

She nodded her head slowly.

“Well I’ve sorted that out for you. I have the recipe for some sort of mixture that you can drink instead of blood, but apparently it doesn’t taste great.”

He paused and looked at her for her reaction. She was looking right at him, eyes slightly glazed over with tears. A small smile broke out as she grabbed his shoulders and hugged him tightly.

“Thank you,” she said quietly into his ear. He closed his eyes, a serene smile gracing his face, just reveling in the feeling of holding her in his arms.

“That’s alright,” he tucked some strands of long dark hair behind her ear. “But there’s more.”

She looked at him, curious eyes prompting him to go on.

“The guys that I spoke to, they’re… well, they’re very different. I’ve known them for a while. Only one of them is a vampire, he drinks this blend or whatever instead of blood, and the others are his best friends. Still human.”

Anna nodded, still not quite knowing what he was getting at.

“They all like to… experiment with vampire nature. They find ways to live differently than other vampires. They know about you, and us. They know of our… predicament. And they want to try and help.”

There was a short pause.

“… Help, how, exactly?”

“They want to try and break your bond with Beckett.”

Everything fell silent for a minute. The two were outside the front of the dandy mansion, the cold wind whipping Anna’s long hair through the air. The only sound was the whistling of the wind as the clockwork in Anna’s mind tried to comprehend what was going on. After almost unbearable silence for Ryan, who was still trying to be patient, she spoke in a shaky voice.

“Do you think they could do it?”

Her voice was soft and a little crackly, and she was obviously trying to restrain her imagination from running into overdrive.

“They’re incredibly smart and talented. They’ve achieved so much. They…”

“But what do you believe, Ry?” she asked, once again bringing her fingers to his face. “All that aside, how much hope do you have that they might manage it?”

He didn’t answer immediately, but he didn’t hesitate long enough to subtract any meaning from his words.

“I really do, Anna. I think they could do it. Maybe not this week, and maybe not the next, but I do believe that they can do it.”

Her green eyes searched his brown ones and she cracked a smile.

“Well what are we waiting for?! Lead the way!”

He grinned childishly and took her hand, intertwining their fingers, and together they began to run across the lit-up city of Chicago.

***

“Ryan Ross!” A smiling, slightly chubby guy sporting glasses and a khaki cap opened a heavy lead door to a small, seemingly abandoned warehouse. “It’s been way too long!”

Ryan pulled Anna through the door behind him and the guy locked and bolted the door shut several times before turning to face the two visitors and giving Ryan a man hug.

“Hey Patrick.” Ryan smiled, returning the gesture.

Anna stood there shyly, and were she not a vampire it would have seemed awkwardly, but vampires are too graceful to appear awkward. She did not know who this was, or how Ryan knew him, or anything about him really except that he was going to try and help her.

“Anna, this is Patrick,” Ryan introduced. “Pat, this is…”

“Arianna Thorn,” Patrick interrupted, smiling at her. He took her ice cold hand in his and brushed his lips over her fingers. “We know. We’re all very interested in your story, Miss Thorn.”

“Please just call me Anna,” she said quietly. She couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with this guy in fear that his scent would get to her and she’d do something she’d regret.

“Okay then, Anna,” Patrick said. “Do you want to come and meet the others?”

'Not really.'

“Okay.”

Anna followed Patrick through a maze of corridors, keeping her grip on Ryan’s hand like it was her lifeline. He squeezed her hand back for reassurance. When they finally reached the place they’d been heading for, three other guys sat spread throughout the large room, one sprawled on the couch, one hunched over a desk and fiddling with some small vials of unidentified liquids, and one leaning casually against the wall. Ryan began introductions.

“Anna, this is Joe…” Guy on couch. “Andy…” Guy at desk. “And Pete.”GuyVampire on wall. “Guys, this is Anna.”

The three all had quite different reactions to her presence, although clearly they were all expecting her. Joe looked up from the couch, waved with a welcoming smile and said ‘Sup.’ Andy barely glanced up, murmuring a ‘hey’ before re-focusing his attention on the things in front of him. As for Pete… Pete approached her slowly and circled her, inspecting her with curious eyes. If she were still human, she was sure that she’d be blushing furiously right now, but instead her pale cheeks just adapted the lightest pink tinge. A minute later, once he was done, he grinned wide enough to show his two pointed teeth and stuck his hand out in front of her.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” he said smoothly as she took his hand.

“Am I what you expected?” she questioned, surprised by her own boldness. Pete smirked.

“Not exactly… I didn’t expect your hair to be so long.”

The mood considerably lightened after that comment, but after half an hour more of getting better acquainted, the subject at hand had to be brought up, and some of the solemnity returned.

“So Anna,” Patrick began. “We don’t know much about this aspect of vampiric nature, to be honest. So… I know this might be difficult, but we need you to try and explain for us your conflicting feelings for Beckett.”

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. Ryan squeezed her hand again, giving her the strength to speak, but she then removed her fingers from his grasp. She couldn’t say what she had to say if she was holding his hand. It felt like a betrayal, but to whom she was unsure.

“I hate him. I hate him for everything he’s done to me, and everything he’s done to Bella. But whenever I think about him, or whenever I’m in the same room as him I just want to touch him. I want him to care for me, and be with me, and love me, even though I know he never will. I can’t even explain it properly… the feeling is just so strong, nothing that I’d ever experienced as a human could even compare. Such passion… and my anger when I realize what I’m feeling and what he’s done to me only fuels this passion… It doesn’t even make sense. I hate it, but I love it. I hate to love it. But I hate it all the same.”

There was a silence, but Joe broke it.

“Dude, that makes no sense.”

Anna let out a small, humorless laugh. “Exactly.”

Another silence enveloped them, the only sound being the scratching of Patrick’s pen on paper. Anna knew that he’d need to record what she was saying, but she still felt like she was talking to a therapist. Ryan remained silent. Just because he’d heard it before, it didn’t mean that it didn’t still have such a painful effect on him.

“Okay Anna…” Patrick started again, but Andy beat him to the punch.

“And how do you feel about Ryan?”

If the two weren’t unbelievably tense already, there most certainly were now. Neither of them could bring themselves to look the other in the eye, and they knew that this wasn’t going to be pleasant. Trying to be professional about this, Anna cleared her throat and began to speak, ignoring the fact that her stinging eyes would be overflowing before the end of her response.

“If I was still human, I would love him. I’ve never met anyone so caring, so understanding, so gorgeous before. If I could rip my un-beating heart out of my chest and give it to him then I would, but Beckett’s venom has ensured that my dead heart will stay exactly where it is for eternity. It’s not like I’m always thinking of Beckett when I’m with him; I’m not. Sometimes I’m just trying to be like a human again, free of unwanted ties and capable of contentment and happiness. And sometimes, I can’t deny that part of me wishes that Ryan could be William Beckett.”

Her hands flew to her face so that no one else could see her crying. Not that it did anything; it was kind of obvious. Carefully, Ryan reached over and hugged her, just holding her shaking form and letting her cry in his arms. She cried way too much, but given her circumstances it was understandable and expected.

Joe, always a joker, tried to lighten the mood again, and after several attempts of really lame jokes, Anna had ceased weeping and he achieved the effect he was hoping for; everyone laughing at himnot with him, and hiccups the only sign of Anna’s previous distress. Soon enough, Ryan peeked through the black curtain and out the window, noting the dark sky lightening into a purple-grey.

“Anna,” he whispered into her ear, but everyone else was listening anyway. “Anna it’s breaking dawn, we better get going.”

She yawned and nodded her head before standing and stretching.

“Bye,” she said quietly to the other four, who repeated the word back to her as she began back down the corridor, Ryan and Patrick still in discussion a few meters behind her. Clearly, they were unaware that she could hear them speaking, even in voices as low as theirs were.

“Come back in a few days,” she heard Patrick murmur. “No pressure, just whenever she’s ready. This was obviously confronting for her, so just wait until she wants to return. You know we’re always happy to see you.”

“Thanks man,” Ryan replied.

Listening to them speak, Anna forgot for a second all about vampires. They just sounded like two old friends.

“Any time. Bye Anna!” he called to her.

“Bye,” she answered.

The couple waited for Patrick to finish unlocking the heavyset door before he swung in open outwards and they stepped out into the icy wind. Soon enough, the protective door was shut behind them with a distinguishing clunk and Ryan and Anna made their way back to what they had no choice but to call their home.