Give Me Envy, Give Me Malice, Give Me Your Attention

Anna groaned in frustration as Chiz knocked on the polished oak door to her room.

“Are you ready yet?” he called through the wood.

“No,” she said stubbornly. “I don’t want to do this.”

A few moments of silence followed, but she knew that he wouldn’t let her out of this that easily. They’d been arguing for days now. She heard him sigh heavily on the other side of the door.

“Anna, let me in and we’ll talk about this. Again.”

In a moment, she decided to oblige and crossed her big room to open the door.

It had been around a month since she had met Michael Guy Chislett. He was her best and only friend in the mansion, and he never left her side for longer than twenty minutes. He was always afraid that if he left her alone for too long, she’d return to her depressed state and do something drastic, like throw herself into the sunlight or something. He became sort of an overprotective brother, if you will. She had become quite dependant on him too. She listened to him tell her stories, and he’d listen as she told him hers. When she asked him to, he told her about how things seemed to work in the mansion. Although she lived there, she was distant from the community they lived in. She knew nothing about their system. She had no one to show her the ropes on being a vampire. When she first woke up in the mansion, she had no idea what was going on. She knew she was different, but it took her a while to remember what had happened, and realize what she had become. Then she had to learn to hunt by herself, and learn what she could and couldn’t do.

It was the social side of things that she got Chiz to tell her about. She knew he felt uncomfortable sometimes discussing it with her, because they both knew that she was seen somewhat as a complication. A fault in the seemingly flawless system. In the few moments it took her to cross her room, her mind replayed a discussion she’d had with Chiz around a week ago.

“Tell me about the others,” she had asked quietly.

Chiz shifted awkwardly, knowing exactly what she meant. A few moments later, they made eye contact. Her eyes were full of questions, and his were trying in vain to hide the answers.

“What do you want to know?” he asked, defeated.

She thought for a minute. “How many live here?”

“Probably around thirty live in this mansion, but this place holds most of the vampires within, say, a hundred mile radius of here. Most are men, but there are a few women.”

“Do they all get along well with each other?”

“There’s not much conflict. There are no enmities, but some see themselves as above others, and so on. Kind of like high school, but not as harsh. There are sort of subgroups too. Not like cliques or whatever, more just groups of best friends. Each sort of has their own name. Even Beckett’s part of one. But then there are also a lot of vampires who are just friends with groups but aren’t actually in one. It’s quite confusing actually, now that I think about it.”

She nodded. “And Beckett controls them all?”

Chiz nodded. “Pretty much. He’s really accomplished. Most vampires work for hundreds, sometimes thousands of years to get as bigger clan and influence as Beckett has done in less than a decade. He’s got a particular charm, though. Strong charisma. I think that helps him influence others easily. Maybe the vampire ‘hormones’ strengthened this even more, I really don’t know. He’s got many human associates in the city under his control, too. His only rule is to do what he says when he says it.”

She nodded once again, feeling like a useless bobble-head toy. It took her a few minutes of silence to gather up the courage to ask what she needed to ask.

“Wh-what about Bella?”

She looked up through her brown fringe to see Chiz staring down at her with sympathy. He could see how much this particular topic affected her. He sighed.

“Honestly, no one sees her very much. Beckett devotes all his time to her. Mostly, she’s in their room. Most of the time he’s with her, but sometimes I’ll see him wandering around alone, probably tending to business related to his control in the city. Whenever we see her though, he’s by her side. She’s never alone. We generally only see her at formal events, like when he introduced her to us, or the occasional celebration he’ll throw when he’s done something well. She doesn’t really talk. She’ll mutter a few words to him, but that’s it. She probably misses you as much as you do her.”

Anna laughed humorlessly. “If she cared at all, she would have come to see me a long time ago.”

“Don’t be like that.” Chiz said softly. “In my opinion, she’s just as much of a prisoner here as you are.”

Anna bit her lip and shook her head, feeling her eyes water. “No. She’s had Beckett. All this time I’ve been here alone, and she’s been falling for the man who killed her. There is a difference.”

Chiz put his arm around her shoulder as a single warm tear trickled down her face.

“Look,” he whispered. “I’m not gonna say anything, because that’s just my opinion. No one really knows what’s going on here except Beckett.”

“Speaking of which, he should have come to see me too. At least once. To explain to me, or to apologise, or tell me how much he despised me, or whatever. Instead he just left me here, clueless as to what was going on with me.”

“Better than leaving you in that alley.”

Anna quickly unbolted the door, let him in, and locked the door again behind him. Chiz crossed the room and sat on her bed. She joined him, and for a few moments they just looked at each other; pleading in his eyes, and fear and reluctance in hers.

“What are you afraid of, Anna?” He asked softly. “They want to meet you, you know.”

For the past few days he had been trying to convince her to meet some of the other dandies. She wasn’t so sure. She’d been so separate from all that for so long now. There was also another question that she had to ask him that had been bugging her. She’d slip it into the conversation later.

“Why now? Why do they all of a sudden want to know me now? Why not six months ago when I needed the companionship so badly?”

That silenced him for a moment.

“The same reason I do,” he said quietly.

Anna let out a sigh, the guilt overtaking her, as she buried her face in her hands.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed. “I just haven’t met anyone new, besides you, in so long, and my self-esteem has gone way down, not that it was very high to begin with, and…”

“Shh,” Chiz comforted, pulling her into a hug. “It’s okay. But you’ll have to meet some others eventually. And this is only two who really want to meet you.”

“Really?” she sniffed again.

“Really,” he chuckled.

Anna rolled her eyes. “Fine!”

Chiz hugged her tighter, a crooked, goofy smile on his face. She couldn’t help but smile too, despite her nerves. A few more moments passed before Anna asked the question that had been bothering her for the past few days.

“Hey Chiz?”

“Yeah?”

“Um… I don’t mean this in any offensive way, but, um, h-how many Dandies know that you’ve been hanging out with me?”

She was almost scared of his reaction, although she couldn’t explain to herself why. Chiz’s smile faltered slightly, but he didn’t seem mad. Just somewhat… sad?

“I’m not gonna lie to you, Anna, most of them don’t know. Definitely not Beckett, because I have no idea how that would end up. That’s the reason most people keep their distance from you. They’re scared of Beckett’s reaction, as am I, but I’ll take the risk. A few people have guessed, or seen us together, which isn’t really a surprise, because we always hang out, and I confirmed it. A few have frowned upon it, advised me against it. Not that I listen. And a few others, like the ones you’ll meet soon, think that it’s good and want to meet you too.”

Anna held her breath for most of his ‘speech’, but was glad that she finally knew how this was being received. The main thing she had learnt: don’t trust anyone too quickly.

“Okay then,” she nodded, swallowing to sooth her stinging throat.

“Anna, I’m really…” Chiz began, a worried expression on his face.

“Don’t worry, its okay. Better than I expected, actually,” she smiled. Chiz looked relieved, but not entirely convinced.

“Okay, well I’m gonna wait outside for you to get ready, okay?” he said, standing up.

“Yeah, okay.”

She stood up too. He began to cross the room to the door, but before his outstretched fingers could brush the old-fashioned door knob, he heard Anna’s purposely-annoying whine.

“Chiz! What do I wear?”

He laughed lightly. “We’re just going hunting. You’ve done it heaps before. Don’t worry about trying to impress them. Just be you.” And with a swift wave he closed the door.

'Just be you.' She thought. What a cliché. 'It’s not as easy as it sounds!' With another frustrated groan, Anna found herself back at square one.

***

Ryan sat in a big brown leather armchair, fidgeting with anything he could. He wasn’t patient anymore. He was over waiting. Yet at the same time, he wanted to stay exactly where he was. It had been eight months and twelve days since he had first seen Anna Thorn, not that he was counting. She had been human back then. For months he had tried to build up the courage to speak to her, but Chiz had beaten him to it. He regretted that. He regretted not talking to her when he knew how lonely she was. But he had never been sure whether or not she wanted anyone to speak to her. Surely if she did she would have gone to find someone. He was still at a loss as to why she’d never tried to find Bella, but even more so as to why Bella had never tried to find her. He had watched her fall and break, while her best friend did nothing. There must have been more to the story than this. However, after all this time, he was finally about to really meet her, in only a few minutes.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Travis staring at him with curiosity.

“What?” he asked. Travis shrugged.

“I don’t know, man, you just seem… nervous.”

'Well obviously.' Ryan thought to himself. 'I’m about to finally meet the love of myafterlife and she could hate me. Of course I’m fucking nervous!

It took him a moment to realize that Travis was still speaking to him.

“…I mean, I know Carden kind of give you a rough time about coming here tonight, but he did to me too…”

“It’s all in your head, Travie,” Ryan cut him off. “I’m fine.”

Travie opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted by a knock on the door. Ryan’s chocolate eyes snapped to the door and widened, something Travie didn’t fail to notice. Forget nerves. Ryan wasn’t even sure if he had a body to contain them anymore.

“Guys?” They heard Chiz’s voice on the other side of the door. “Can we come in?”

“Yeah man.” Travie answered.

Chiz opened the door and if it weren’t for the fact that it wasn’t beating in the first place, Ryan would’ve sworn he felt his heart stop.

She was there. In his vision. His human vision. And she looked a hundred times more beautiful to him. She was so similar yet so different to the night her first saw her. Her hair was longer and slightly darker, hanging now around three inches higher than her hips, although tonight it was out and hung in elegant ringlets. He assumed the ‘vampire hormones’ must have helped with its growth, because no one’s hair can grow five inches in eight months. She wore black skinny jeans, a long white singlet top, and a black hoodie. So casual. So human. If it weren’t for the perfection of her skin and body, he could have thought she never changed.

“Guys, this is Anna…” Chiz began introductions. “And Anna this is Travis and Ryan.” He gestured to the vampires when he said their names, anxiously awaiting her reaction.

“Yo, wassup?” This was Travie’s way of greeting. “I’m Travis McCoy, but everyone calls me Travie.”

He jumped of the chair he was sitting on and leapt over to embrace Anna in a hug. Ryan couldn’t help but cringe slightly, because it looked like the well-built, dark-skinned, crazy-haired man could crush her, despite her height and vampiric strength.

“H-hi,” she stuttered, clearly surprised by this sudden kind greeting. When Travie released his hold on her, Ryan got slowly to his feet. 'This is it. She’s finally going to see you.'

“Hey, Anna.” Ryan said softly, thankful that his voice found him just in time.

He was biting his lip inconspicuously, but no one could see the extent of how he was really feeling. Anna was swiftly eyeing him up and down, but not in a judgmental way. Just curiously. He flicked his brown fringe out of his face, and that was when their eyes met. Ryan felt like he was on fire. How could no one else falter under the intensity of that emerald gaze? Her eyes were the same piercing bright green that they had been the first time he saw her, and were still outlined in black eyeliner, but they seemed different. They used to be so happy, and filled with the life that he had seen leave them. Now they seemed to hide that happiness behind negativity, fear, misery, regret and sorrow. Through her eyes, Ryan could see her soul, and he saw it lying in the wreckage of her broken heart and crushed spirit. What he wouldn’t do to give those emeralds their shine again.

“Hi,” she said so quietly it was almost a whisper, but she never broke eye contact with him. The sound of her voice filled his ears, and he had never felt so good, knowing that her word was directed at him. It remained silent in the room for a few moments, Ryan and Anna’s eye contact still strong. When the air around them began to get awkward, Chiz spoke.

“So, uh, yeah, should we go now?”

“Yeah, let’s go man,” Travie answered.

Ryan and Anna nodded, and they all ran to the outskirts of the city.

Travie and Chiz seemed to have been racing each other, seeing as when Ryan and Anna arrived moments later, Travie was singing “I beat Chiz! Two minutes and fifty-four seconds!”

Anna laughed lightly, and Ryan was drawn to the sound, taking care in not showing his smile to anyone. Chiz and Travie begun walking into the city at human pace, searching for some sort of bar or club to find their victim. Unintentionally, Anna and Ryan fell behind slightly, walking next to each other but remaining silent. Somehow, they both turned to face each other slightly, and they both opened their mouths to say something, but pausing when they realized that the other was mirroring their actions. A sneaky blush rose into both of their cheeks, but before either of them had a chance to say anything, they heard Chiz’s voice calling them from around fifteen meters ahead.

“Hey, Anna! Ryan! We’ve found the place!”

The two of them turned their heads to see Chiz pointing to the bar.

“Okay!” Ryan called in return.

“I’m gonna find myself some fine ladies tonight!” They heard Travie planning, before he entered the door that Chiz had disappeared in moments before. Anna laughed, and Ryan joined in.

“That’s Travie,” he told her lightly. “He’s pretty much always like that, so you'll get used to it.” Anna smiled at him, and he honestly couldn’t describe the feeling he had at her lips curving upwards for him.

“Yeah,” she replied, slightly less quietly than she had spoken back at the mansion. “It’s funny, though. Crazy, but funny.”

He smiled at her, and she smiled back. He held the door open for her as she walked through to join Chiz at the bar. Travie, they saw, was already sitting with some women, supposedly oblivious to Anna, Chiz, and Ryan. Chiz didn’t speak straight away. He was too busy glaring at a man in the corner, who was sitting much too close to another woman for him to be seen as respectable. His face was in the shadows, but they could just tell that he wasn’t the sort of person they would want to be acquainted with.

“You see that man?” he asked them quietly, not taking his eyes off the guy.

“Yeah?” they answered in unison.

“He’s married. And that’s not his wife. He hit his wife tonight, and it wasn’t the first time. She won’t tell anyone, and she won’t leave him. I’d say he’s threatening her. Yet here he is, no hint of a guilty conscience. I’ll drink from him tonight.”

Anna and Ryan looked from Chiz to the man and back again. Anna was scared of how grim Chiz sounded, even though she’d seen him hunt before. He was always so nice and happy, and this was a stark contrast.

“How do you know this?” Ryan asked.

“I only kill people who have done something bad. To do this, I need to… check up on potential victims.”

“Is ‘check up’ your way of saying ‘spy’?” Anna smirked, mainly to hide the trembles of fear.

Chiz didn’t answer, but he stood up to go and talk to the guy. No doubt, he’d trick the man into talking to him outside and the man would never know what hit him. That was how most vampires hunted.

This left Ryan and Anna alone together at the bar. They looked at each other, and kept silent eye contact for around half a minute.

“So…” Ryan began, not entirely sure what he was going to say. Thankfully, Anna spoke for him.

“I’m not very thirsty tonight.” She broke their eye contact and looked down.

“Me neither,” he agreed. “Share?”

She smiled and nodded, as they both looked around the bar for their victim.

“Man or woman?” Ryan asked, eyes still scanning the bar.

Anna shrugged. “I really don’t care. I’ll only have a little bit anyway.”

He nodded, and his eyes landed on the woman that the dodgy man that Chiz had pointed out to them had just left. Anna followed his gaze. He looked at her to see what she thought.

“Yeah, let’s just take her. I really don’t like this place and I want to get out of here as soon as possible.”

Ryan agreed and fifteen minutes later the woman was unconscious on the floor a few streets away, blood gushing out of her neck.

Ryan, acting the gentleman, allowed Anna to take the first sip. She looked at him gratefully and lowered her lips to the almost-dead woman’s neck. He watched her every move in a trance. He was so thankful that she didn’t catch him looking at her, and immediately leaned down to drink himself after watching her lick the ruby red blood from her lips. It was not very good-tasting blood, but at least it quenched their thirst.

After their feed, they met up with Chiz and Travie and decided to walk back to the mansion at a human pace. It was a beautiful night.

“ANNA BANANA WEARS A BANDANA IN LOUISIANA!” Travie rhymed loudly. Anna shook her head in both embarrassment and laughter.

“Please stop!” she pleaded with him.

“Never!” he yelled. “Only when you say that I’m the greatest hip-hop gangster in the world!”

Ryan shook his head. “Can blood make you drunk? Because Travie’s going insane.”

Travie poked his tongue out immaturely, and Anna laughed.

“You can’t rhyme, Travie, face it,” she told him.

“So be it, then.” Travie answered, before yelling to the moon again. “ANNA BANA…”

“Fine!” she cried. “Travie, you are the greatest hip-hop gangster in the world!”

“I can’t hear you!” he bellowed playfully.

“TRAVIE, YOU ARE THE GREATEST HIP-HOP GANGSTER IN THE WORLD!” she screamed to the stars. “Now can you please stop humiliating me?”

“Fine,” he said. “But only ‘cause you’re pretty.” She laughed and shook her head again.

Soon enough they found themselves facing the doors to the dandy mansion. Anna let out a heavy sigh.

“Do you guys want to go in first?” she asked. “I’ll be quicker on my own.”

Chiz looked at her sympathetically and hugged her. Travie repeated these actions.

“Bye Anna,” Travie said. “It was awesome hanging out, we got to do it again soon.”

“Ditto,” She replied, a small smile on her face. “And we’ve definitely got to do this again.”

Once Chiz and Travie had disappeared through the side door, Anna and Ryan turned to look at each other.

“Aren’t you going to go?” she asked, puzzled.

“No.” he smiled. “I’m going to be incredibly polite and walk you to your room.”

Anna was confused. “B-but aren’t you afraid that people will see you talking to me?”

He looked at her kindly, a smile playing on his lips. “Let them see.”

She smiled back at him, and he could see how much this meant to her.

'Shit.' She thought to herself. 'Please don’t cry.' She couldn’t help it. She finally felt like she wasn’t a burden to anyone. As great of a friend as Chiz was, she always felt like she was holding him back somehow. But Ryan was different. He made her feel like he really wanted to spend time with her, regardless of everything else. That nothing was more important than them being together. And tonight, when Chiz had acted so differently, Ryan was the one she had found herself turning to for help, even if no one else had realized it. She didn’t even realize it until now.

“Come on,” he grinned, taking her hand in his. They both felt a sort of electric shock at the other’s touch. A good kind of electric shock. “Let’s go.”

She grinned back and let him lead her through the door that she had been through so many times before. But this time as she went through the door, she felt different… Like she was more complete than she ever had been before. It was a great feeling.

Anna and Ryan walked side by side through the corridors of the mansion before reaching her room. Not once in this time had he let go of her hand. They turned to face each other outside her door.

“Thank you so much,” she said to him, looking up at him with slightly glassy eyes.

“What for?” he asked in a whisper. It was only now that she became aware of how close they actually were; less than a foot apart, their hands still together and his voice so close to her ear.

“For showing me how to live when I’m dead,” she replied slowly. He looked at her, hating how broken she was, but thrilled at how his presence had helped. He had noticed that she had been different around him, Travie, and Chiz. In a good way. She’d been more like her human self. Less shy, more willing to laugh. He didn’t quite know how to reply to that, though.

Instead of replying, they simultaneously leaned in to hug each other. As he held her tightly, Ryan had never felt so meaningful. Just by being him, he had made an impact on Anna’s life in only a few hours.

As her arms were wrapped around his neck, Anna had never felt so accepted. She was the outcast, but in just a few hours, this guy had made her feel like she could be alright. That she would be okay. That she could be happy again. Chiz had tried to get her to feel this way, but there was something about Ryan. He just… he made her feel almost human again. He made her feel emotions that she hadn’t felt since she had been changed. Even now, as he held her in his arms, she felt like she never wanted him to let go of her, because when he held her, she felt like all her other problems disappeared. In these moments, she escaped from the difficulties that always clouded her mind, dragging her down. In these moments she felt like instead of sinking, she was floating to the top, and she hoped like hell that she’d get there in time to breathe.