Give Me Envy, Give Me Malice, Give Me Your Attention

A lot happened in the next month. It can’t be said that Anna was exactly the same as she was before. She was still a vampire. Still haunted by feelings for William Beckett. Still shy and nervous. Still not fully a Dandy. Still without her two best friends. But she did have friends now. She was generally always in the company of either Chiz, Travis or Ryan. She had quickly become their darling, always their first thought. They protected her from everything and always paid her special attention. As good as it felt for Anna to have friends again, the attention was a bit overwhelming. She was a shy person, and attention made her embarrassed and sometimes awkward.

Anna was beginning to change too. She was growing as a vampire. She could run faster. See clearer and further, and she had regained strength. She wasn’t at the point where she had super-human strength yet, and she wasn’t sure if she ever would be, but at least she could open the curtains with ease now.

She had also become more accustomed to the different tastes in blood. She had tried to kill only what she needed, but she had still experienced many different tastes. Unfortunately, though, she didn’t yet know how to distinguish what someone’s blood would taste like until after she had killed them. Travis had tried to help her once, but it didn’t work out. Travie always drank from women, and if she could help it, Anna would drink from a man. Ridiculous as it may sound, Anna still found the thought of her lips on another woman’s neck a little bit too intimate for her. Anna’s favourite taste in blood was when it was of a thick consistency and was as sweet as caramel, melting in her mouth before she swallowed. Thin blood never really did it for her, especially when it tasted a little less sugary and a little more tangy. Chiz preffered that blood. He found the tang refreshing, he said. Travie, Anna learned, was more interested in the appearance of the woman he was drinking from rather than the blood itself, and Ryan... Anna didn’t really know.

She liked Ryan. She liked spending time with him because he made her feel special without even knowing it, but something in the back of her mind felt like Ryan was keeping something from her. She didn’t really have any evidence to prove this theory; it was more of an instinct. And as much as she tried to stop herself, as much as she fought against it, Anna knew that she was beginning to get a little too emotionally attached to him.

There was one other thing that had been bothering her too. Chiz, Travie and Ryan spent almost all their time with her. She felt like they had left behind anything before her, and that she had interrupted their lives. Not lives. Their... routine of existence? And the other Dandies... did they just leave all their other friends to come and look after her? She had tried to bring this up with them, but they had brushed her off. That just made her feel even more insecure, though. She wasn’t giving up. She planned on asking and asking until they gave her a straight answer.

“Travie?” Anna asked.

She and Travis were in his room, sitting on his bed. For once, it was just the two of them and for once there had been a silence between them. Not an awkward one, a thoughtful one. But the silence wouldn’t last forever; not when Anna had a question that needed answering.

“Yeah?” Travie asked back.

“Travie, tell me the truth. Don’t twist it, or bend it, or sugar-coat it, or avoid it. Just tell me. Do I ruin your reputation with the other Dandies?”

Travis looked at her sympathetically.

“Not just you, but Chiz and Ryan too,” Anna continued. “Don’t I put some sort of strain on your other friendships?”

Travie paused. Now that it was just Anna and him, he had no choice but to answer. He didn’t even know how to answer.

“I-It’s not so much that…” he began. “We never had any really strong friendships until you. Sure, I guess we haven’t been speaking to the others as much, but it’s… hard to explain. Vampire’s priorities change without them even being aware of it at first.”

“Are you sure?” Anna asked again. “Sometimes Chiz especially seems so distant…”

“Chiz is a different matter,” Travie interrupted. “Has anyone ever told you about the so-called ‘bands’ among the Dandies? The ‘groups’?”

Anna nodded her head slowly. She vaguely recalled Chiz mentioning it to her at some point.

“Well,” Travie continued. “Chiz is in Beckett’s group.”

This shocked Anna. Of everyone, Chiz was the last she would have expected to have some sort of extended affiliation with William Beckett. But what relevance did…?

“Oh God!” she exclaimed. “Beckett hates him now, doesn't he? And it's all my fault...”

“No!” Travie told her. “Relax for a second, would you? Let me finish.”

Anna nodded. “Sorry.”

“Chiz was Beckett’s close friend before all this. Before any of us were vampires. Admittedly, Beckett was a different person then. Hell, he’s not even a person anymore. But the reason that Chiz sometimes seems a little… careful… around you is because he can read the minds of anyone in his group… and they can read his.”

Anna remained silent for a moment, processing this new information. After a minute’s thought, the best response she could come up with was “Oh.”

“He cares about you a lot Anna, you’re like a sister to him. But he’s got to be careful not to think too much about anything that might give him away to Beckett. Beckett’s the only vampire I know of who’s managed to block his mind from others, but that’s not really a surprise. Since you didn’t really do anything for six months, I assume Beckett stopped watching you, but if something prompts him to check up on you and he realises that you’ve got friends, he might react… badly.”

Anna gulped.

“Thanks Travie. But why didn’t anyone tell me before? It’s kind of important.”

“We didn’t want to worry you. You’ve had so much to deal with as it is, and we didn’t want to give you another reason for your…”

Travie stopped, but Anna said it for him.

“Depression.”

“Yeah,” Travie nodded quietly.

Anna sighed, slid off the bed, crossed the room and peeked through the curtain.

“It’s probably around nine,” she told him. “Do you want to go hunt soon?”

Before Travie could answer, there was a knock on the door. Travie went to open it, and Ryan came bounding into the room, smiling.

“Someone’s happy,” Anna observed. Ryan chuckled and pulled her back to the bed where they sat leaving Travie still at the door, looking confused.

“Just one of those nights, I guess,” Ryan smiled. “Anna, you’re coming out with me tonight. I haven’t seen you since Tuesday night!”

Okay, so this was a lie. But Anna hadn’t seen him since Tuesday night.

“That’s only two nights ago,” Anna laughed.

“Please?” Ryan pouted.

“Actually,” Travie interrupted. “Anna and I were about to go hunting…”

“But you’ve had her all day!” Ryan argued. “It’s my turn now.”

“Wow,” Anna laughed. “Out of context that would sound so suggestive.”

Travie laughed too. “Who knew that sweet, innocent Anna could have such a dirty mind?”

Anna laughed again and Ryan pouted again before repeating himself.

“Please?”

“Okay,” Anna agreed, secretly pleased at the idea of being alone with Ryan. She couldn’t explain it, but every time it was just them Anna felt like all her troubles disappeared and she was floating on air. “You’re okay with that, right Travie?”

“Yeah sure,” Travis answered, still seeming somewhat confused.

“Awesome!” Ryan jumped up and pulled Anna by the hand out of the room, running down the first floor corridor.

“Ryan!” Anna laughed. “Where are we going?”

Ryan stopped for a second. “Umm…”

“You don’t know, do you?”

“Yeah,” Ryan argued. “I just want it to be a surprise.”

“Uh-huh. Sure.”

“It’s true! I’m trying to figure out how to tell you to go and get yourself looking all fancy without you asking any questions!”

Anna smiled and restrained from her sudden queries. “That’ll do. I’ll meet you outside the front door in ten minutes.”

“Okay.”

Anna turned and ran to her room, making no noise as she went. Ryan smiled without even meaning to as he watched her retreating back. He began to walk towards the way out when he heard someone calling his name.

“Ryan!”

He turned to see Brendon running towards him. 'Shit.' Brendon was in his group, which means that if he tried to read his mind, Anna would be found out. And Brendon was on very good terms with Beckett. 'Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.'

“Brendon.”

Ryan turned to walk away again, but Brendon caught up to him.

“You wanna come hunting with me, Ry? We haven’t hung out in ages.”

“Uh… I’m actually really tired right now. I think I’m just going to go rest. I’m not very hungry, either,” he lied.

“Tired?” Brendon asked. “But it’s early dusk.”

“Yeah. I don’t know, Brendon, I just feel really weak and I’m not up for hunting tonight. Sorry. You go ahead.”

Brendon frowned unconvinced. Ryan tried his hardest to think of putting the letters of the alphabet in order of how many lines they were comprised of so that Brendon wouldn’t know where he was actually going. Brendon’s expression changed from unconvinced to surprised. He was clearly unsure of what Ryan was trying to hide from him, but Ryan couldn’t be thankful just yet. 'Concentrate…'

“Okay then,” Brendon said, after what seemed like a lifetime. “I’ll see you later, then?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Ryan mumbled before turning to leave.

Once he was halfway down the hallway, he glanced over his shoulder to check that Brendon wasn’t following him. When he was positive that he was alone, he made a mad dash for the exit door. When he got outside, Anna wasn’t there yet. He walked up the front steps leading to the big double doors that were never opened and leaned against a tall white pillar, relieved for getting rid of Brendon and just waiting for Anna.

After a few minutes, she emerged from the side door. Ryan breathed in sharply, and hoped she hadn’t heard. Of course she looked stunning. But at the same time, she looked like a Dandy. Ryan never thought that he would be able to see her as a Dandy vampire, but now he could. She wore a long black and red dress that had no sleeves. It was a beautiful dress, but not the sort of thing people wore very often anymore. That was the Dandy style. No one wore pinstriped tailored suits or bowler hats anymore, so the Dandies did. It was what distinguished them. Her long hair was out and hanging in ringlets again and a solid silver heart hung on a thin silver chain around her throat.

'Thank God she can’t read my mind.' Ryan thought.

“Okay, mystery man,” she joked. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” he smiled. “Just close your eyes and I’ll bring you there.”

Anna closed her eyes, but quickly opened them again when she felt her feet get knocked off the ground. She completely didn’t expect him to pick her up bridal-style.

“Wow. You meant literally.”

They looked each other right in the eye, their faces so close together. Was it just her, or were their faces getting even closer?

“We better get going,” she whispered.

Nope. It wasn’t just her. Their faces were about three inches apart now.

“Close your eyes,” Ryan whispered.

Anna felt his breath tickle her cheek. She did as he told her, and he started running. He ran so smoothly that if it weren’t for the cool wind whipping her skin, she wouldn’t have known how fast they were going. Unintentionally, Anna’s arms curled tighter around Ryan’s neck and she buried her face in his shoulder to hide it from the wind. Out of her sight, he smiled.

Around ten minutes later, he stopped running.

“We’re here,” he whispered into her ear.

She reluctantly loosened her hold on him and he reluctantly let her go. Anna blinked her eyes a few times and looked around. They were in front of a fancy looking restaurant. She looked at him, confused, and he looked at her, smiling at her confusion. Wordlessly, he led her into the restaurant, holding out his arm for her to take. The confusion didn’t leave her eyes as he led her past all the other people and up a small flight of stairs, nodding to someone who worked there as he did. When they reached the top of the flight of stairs, Anna couldn’t hold back a gasp.

It was a small room. In fact, it wasn’t really a room, because it had no walls. Instead of walls were white wooden railings, pretty vines twisting around them. There were only three pieces of furniture: one small round table and two chairs. There was a light hanging from the ceiling (candles would have been way too clichéd and have obvious romantic connotations) and instead of dinner plates and menus on the table there were just two wine glasses. Anna looked at Ryan, her mouth open in amazement. He smiled sheepishly and pulled back one of the chairs for her to sit in.

“It’s so pretty!” Anna exclaimed breathlessly, looking out at the Chicago cityscape. ‘Pretty’ is not the word that everyone would use to describe Chicago’s skyline, but to Anna it was beautiful. “How did you find this place?”

“I know the right people,” Ryan smiled and Anna laughed.

After around ten minutes of just talking, someone walked up the stairs. It was a young man, reasonably good looking, possibly of Italian descent, and looked around nineteen year old. Without warning, a strange smell met Anna’s senses. It was without a doubt the smell of blood, but… it smelt like there were at least two different types of blood, and there was only one person. The man approached them and held out a wine bottle. Anna went to say no, but Ryan had already told the man to pour them both a drink. She looked at Ryan, confused, but he just smiled and looked at the liquid being poured. Needless to say, it was not wine. A deep, rich red poured into the glass, but it was much thicker than wine and smelt so overwhelmingly sweet that Anna had to restrain herself from downing the glass immediately. So the human must have known who they were. Or at least what they were. Either that or he was actually under the impression that the blood was actually some sort of rare and expensive imported wine. So why wasn’t he afraid?

“Thank you,” Ryan said to the man as he started to walk away. The man turned and nodded before walking down the stairs.

“Ryan Ross, you never cease to surprise me,” Anna told him. He chuckled and took a sip from his glass.

“So I’m guessing you’ve got a million questions hurting your pretty little head right now?” Ryan raised an eyebrow at her.

“Well, maybe not a million…” she began. “How did you know about this place?”

“You’ve already asked me that.”

“And you answered indirectly.”

Ryan sighed. “I know the guy who owns this restaurant. It still amazes me that this is what he decided to do with his life. I never would have guessed it was his thing. But this is what he wanted to do before…”

“Before what?” Anna asked, intrigued.

Ryan sighed again.

“Jon is going to be turned. It’s all previously planned, which is not something that Dandies usually do. When Brendon, Spencer and I were turned – you don’t know them, but we were best friends before we were turned – Jon was given a choice. He knew Beckett better than any of us did when they were both human, and they were good friends. He didn’t want all of his friends to leave him, but he didn’t want to be denied a chance to live his life. So it’s been arranged that he will be turned on his 25th birthday. Now that I think of it, it’s not that far away…” Ryan stared into space, lost in thought.

“So you’ve kept in contact with him?” Anna prompted.

“Yeah. I see him around once a fortnight, but I’m very careful to feed before seeing him. I’m so proud of him. And I envy him. He always seems so happy. The same Jon he was when we were all in a band before we were changed. Always smiling, always joking, always pulling stupid faces. Whenever I see him, I wonder if becoming vampires has really taken all that away from us. He’s got a wife now, and a child. He didn’t want to miss out on anything in his human life. I’ve seen them a few times. His little girl… she’s going to be exactly that. What’s her name again? That’s right! Melody. He loves them so much. They know about the whole vampire thing. They’re so amazingly understanding about it all. Careful, but understanding. Lily – his wife – is going to be changed the same day as him. Melody when she’s eighteen. They’ve planned it all out. But now I’m starting to wonder… Do I want them to change?

"I did before. I wanted to be with my best friends for eternity, but now I’ve seen the life he’s made for himself. They can still walk in the sun. They can still eat food. They can still worry about the normal things that humans worry about. They don’t constantly want blood. They still have beautiful imperfections. Do I want to be the reason that these people give up their lives? They act like it’s what they want, but do they? They don’t know what it’s like. They don’t act like they’ve got a choice, but they do. There’s no hope for me anymore, but they still have a chance.”

Anna looked at Ryan in awe. He had all this hidden inside him that she’d never have even considered until he brought it up. She didn’t mind being a vampire. The killing was the only thing that really bothered her, but now Ryan was bringing up all these things that she’d never get to experience again. Not that she had a choice about any of this in the first place. If she had had a choice, would this be what she’d choose for herself?

“Wow,” she gulped. Ryan smiled at her, somewhat sadly.

“Next question?” he asked her.

“So what about that guy? The one that served us. He knew we were vampires.”

“Yes.”

“Why wasn’t he afraid of us?”

“That boy… I don’t know him, but I can tell that he trusts Jon with his life. It’s a good thing that Jon is a very trustworthy person, because he did put his life in danger, just doing what he was told.”

Anna nodded and took her first sip from the glass. The blood was good. Just the kind that she loved. It tasted even sweeter than it smelt, and it didn’t take her too long to finish off the glass.

“More?” Ryan asked her. She nodded, and as if on cue, the boy returned with the ‘wine’ bottle.

They talked and spoke for hours. The restaurant downstairs probably closed at some point, but they didn’t realize. They spoke and drank, talking about themselves mainly. About their perspectives on their whole vampire situation. After a while, they realised that the list of negatives was greater than the list of positives.

“You ready to go?” Ryan whispered to Anna, whose eyelids were drooping heavily.

Somehow her chair had ended up next to his other that facing it and her head fell gently on his shoulder. She had been up early, since around midday, although she couldn’t tell through the thick curtains at the Dandy mansion. Anna nodded, and feeling this movement against his shoulder Ryan stood up to leave. Anna stood up to follow, but swayed violently in her tiredness. Ryan caught her just before her legs gave in, and he picked her up to carry her back the same way he had brought her there. He nodded thanks at the boy who had served them as he walked down the stairs and out of the deserted restaurant. In a moment he had picked up his pace and was running at full speed back towards the Dandy mansion.

Ten minutes later they were back, and Anna was slightly more awake then she had been. They made their way through the side door, Anna now walking on her own two feet, but holding Ryan’s hand to steady herself. They spoke quietly as they walked along the empty hallways.

“Do you regret becoming a vampire?” Anna asked Ryan. Their walking slowed to a stop, around a corridor away from Anna’s room. She looked in his eyes, and saw the slightest hint of sadness.

“Sometimes,” he finally answered. “Like when I see Jon. I wish that I could get my life back.”

Anna nodded and looked him in the eye again. His eyes held something she couldn’t quite distinguish. Something painful… hurt?

“Do you?” he asked her. His gaze penetrated hers, as if searching for the answer in her pupils.

“I did,” she answered quietly. “But now I’m not so sure.”

“I wished you didn’t,” he spoke in a whisper. “I knew you before you knew me. I had nightmares of you being bitten. And then it happened. It hurt me so much. Seeing you change from happy to so sad, from human to vampire, in forty-eight hours… it almost killed me. When you were depressed, I was too. When you were happy, so was I. And I wished more than anything that I could reverse everything and make it right, but I couldn’t. No one could.”

There were tears in Ryan’s eyes now, but they were already falling from Anna’s. What happened in the next few moments changed everything. In those next few moments, Anna realised what the feeling in her was. She realised why she felt so right when she was around Ryan. Why he made her feel something that no one else could. In those next few moments, Ryan felt what he had wanted so badly to feel out loud for so long. In those next few moments, they made everything a hell of a lot more complicated.

In those next few moments, their lips connected.