Give Me Envy, Give Me Malice, Give Me Your Attention

“Anna?”

She shot up at the sound. Five nights now, she had been a wreck. She hadn’t left her room at all. Not even to hunt. The thirst pangs came and went, all painfully ignored by her. The only person she had spoken to was Travis, and that was two nights ago. It wasn’t new for someone to call her name from the other side of the door. Chiz had almost every hour, and Travis had until she caved and spoke to him. But the reason she paid attention this time was because it wasn’t Chiz or Travis’ voice. It was a voice she identified only too well. But why would he want to talk to her? Did she want to talk to him? She groaned. The questions were giving her a headache. So maybe the medicine would be answers.

She slowly got out of bed and opened the door a tiny bit. Ryan Ross was standing there, looking about as fucked up as she did. His usually straight hair was messy, his eyes were bloodshot, yet he still looked amazing enough to take her breath away… at least that would be the phrase used if her breathing meant anything. He stood in her doorway somewhat awkwardly, fidgeting with his hands. Anna just stared at him, hardly believing he was there.

“I…” he began. “Can I come in?”

Anna nodded and turned around. Ryan followed slowly and closed the door behind him. Anna sat on her bed and Ryan followed again, sitting at the furthest distance from her that he could so she wouldn’t feel any more uncomfortable.

“What are you doing here?” Anna asked after an uncomfortable minute of silence. Ryan didn’t answer straight away.

“We can’t use Travis as a messenger bird. I have a feeling he twists everything we say.”

Anna nodded, refusing eye contact. Minutes more passed in silence and a tear slid down Anna’s cheek that had felt so many of the salty drops in the past few days. Ryan wanted so much to comfort her. To hold her close and tell her everything was alright. But he couldn’t. Because he was the problem. The problem can’t fix itself. That’s why he was so shocked at the next words that left Anna’s mouth, in barely a whisper.

“I’m so sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?!”

“For kissing you… not talking to you… everything.”

The tears were coming more forcefully now, and her pale hands flew to cover her face in shame. 'Why do I always have to cry?'

Ryan couldn’t stand it anymore. He crawled across the bed to her and wrapped his arms around her shaking body. He felt an electric shock as he touched her, and wondered if she felt it too or if he was going crazy. She tensed up slightly as she realized he was holding her, but after a moment she relaxed and fell into his chest, still crying, because she knew that doing this would just make it harder later.

“Don’t be sorry,” he whispered, his own eyes glistening with vampiric tears that were rare for everyone, except perhaps one in Anna’s predicament. “I’m the one who should be. I’m the one who kissed you. I’m the one who didn’t have the guts to come and talk to you until now. I’m the…” He paused and gulped. In spite of herself, Anna looked up at him. He looked at her softly with apologetic eyes. “I’m the one who fell in love with you.”

Another tear leaked, but Anna didn’t look away and neither did he. Minutes passed but they could have been hours, staring into each others eyes as if to find their ultimate solution. Finally, Anna cleared her throat and spoke.

“I love you too,” he looked at her with more intensity and she tore her eyes away. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not connected to him.”

They both knew who ‘he’ was. They just didn’t want to say it.

“He bit me,” she continued. “He turned me. Part of me would always be attached to him anyway for that reason. But we both know how powerful he is, and his ‘magic’ or whatever has disguised that attachment for love.” She was trying to be stronger now, holding back the tears, but her voice still quavered. “I don’t love him. I hate him. I love you. But I can’t help it. Part of me wants to be with him.”

Ryan was still looking at her in shock. Sure, Travis had told him basically the same thing, but he thought Travis was just hearing what he wanted to hear, and there was a difference hearing it from her lips. He knew of her position perfectly, although he knew could not even begin to comprehend her jumbled feelings. It wasn’t unheard of; being forced to love the one who changed you, especially if that vampire was particularly powerful. He took in every word she was saying, but one sentence kept repeating itself, and he couldn’t hold back the hope that he knew would surely destroy him; she loved him. Love. You know, that inexplicable feeling of intense affection? Yeah. That love.

She looked back at him and he looked at her, still encircled in his arms. He made himself a vow then and there that he would always protect her and never let her go.

“How fucked up is this?” she laughed, not looking at him. “Two people in love with each other. According to all those ridiculously lame-but-sweet romantic movies, no problems should interfere.”

He smiled and looked down at her pretty, tear-stained face. How things had changed since the time he first saw her; the happy, carefree human laughing with her friends, unaware of the night creatures that would take her best friends from her and ruin her life. Her trembling smile fell as she looked down and yet another tear fell. In shock, her eyes returned to his when she felt his cool thumb brush the tear off her cheek. He looked right back at her, his fingers lingering on the side of her face. Their eye contact didn’t break when she reached up and took a tear from his face that he didn’t even realize had spilled.

“Anna?” Ryan whispered.

“Yeah?” she whispered back.

“Do you…” he paused and prayed that his next words wouldn’t ruin anything else. “Do you think we could try?”

She blinked and didn’t answer. After a brief moment’s hesitation, she gently pulled his face to hers and meshed their lips together.

And this time, neither of them pulled away.