Always

At 4 o clock, Jack was stood at the park's equivalent of the alter, nervously fiddling with his sleeve, exchanging an awkward smile with some far off cousin who was qualified to marry Jack and Alex. It was cold, but Jack didn't feel it, he didn't want a coat over his blazer, he wanted to embrace it, for Alex. There were around 40 guests, all huddled together on the rows.

It was when the time dragged on so that the hour was almost over, and when people started to make excuses in order to leave before dark hit, that Jack started to think that Alex wasn't coming.

First it was the random college friends that left, and then the family members that Jack couldn't have even named, some of Alex's family, and in the end, all who were left were Zach, Rian and Cas, who had flown in from wherever they'd been living and Valerie and Beau, who'd come from Chicago. Alex's siblings had gone home with one of Alex's aunts, who was meant to stay with them anyway, because she couldn't find any accommodation.

"We're so sorry, Jack." We're so sorry Jack. We're so sorry Jack. We're so sorry Jack. It seemed to be the soundtrack of his fucking life. His mother dies, 'we're so sorry Jack', his father dies, 'we're so sorry Jack', his fiancé doesnt attend the wedding, and it's a we're so fucking sorry Jack. Jack sat silently on the floor, the snow making his trousers wet, as his friends cleared up the seats, the tables and the flowers and the decorations. "Would you like us to take you home? Or stay with any of us?"
"I'll go home, but I'll go myself, I wanna be here a minute."
"Alright, we'll take the stuff back to the community hall. See you soon man, take care of yourself." Rian assured, and each of them hugged Jack sympathetically. He didn't hug back. How could Alex play the wild card? Of all the people, Jack didn't expect it to be Alex.

Jack stayed sat in the exact same spot, his legs grew numb from the cold, and his hands turned purple. He watched the day turn to night, and night turn to dawn, and fuck the sky was beautiful- and Jack hated it. He hated anything gorgeous, because it reminded him of Alex, Alex who had decided to not show up, without an explanation. Alex who decided to leave Jack stood at the alter, while family members he hardly knew took pity on his abandonment. He hated him. Why would he do this? He accepted Jack's proposal twice. He had time to say no. Was it all bullshit? A lie? Not a true word left Alex's mouth? Who fucking knows.

Jack was getting hypothermic, and he must've passed out. He woke up on someone's lap, in someone's arms.
"Jacky, I love you Jacky." The man whispered into Jack's ear. Jack didn't look up to see who it was, he just cried into the man's jacket. That was another thing, Jack was now wearing his big, winter coat. "Shhh, Jacky everything will be okay."
"He-he left me! At the alter!" Jack cried.
"I know I did. I know." Alex. Shit. It was Alex. Jack sat up, and looked him coldly in the eye.
"You. YOU FUCKING DITCHED OUR WEDDING." Jack yelled, incandescent with rage.
"I'm so sorry Jack. I didn't mean to."
"DIDN'T MEAN TO? WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? SOME TOTAL OMEBA? I can't believe you Alex!" and Jack broke down in to desperate, choked out tears. He sounded like shit, he looked like shit, and he felt like shit. He sobbed into Alex's chest once more.
"Jacky, I didn't come, because I couldn't believe you loved me."
"I proposed t-to you twice. Fucking twice, and you doubted my love for you?!" Jack sniffled.
"I know, babe. It's all my fault. Just, with all the shit stuff that's been happening, a thought came into my mind, and I couldn't believe that this, us, was real. Like, I deserved all the shit, so why on earth do I deserve you?" Alex spoke quietly. It was totally silent for a few minutes. They were sat in the cold, but they didn't feel it, not from the heat of this situation. And then Jack spoke up, nose red from all the crying, and the snow, eyes raw from the tears, and the frequent rubbing, but nonetheless, he spoke what he thought, and Jack couldn't help but wonder which outcome would be ideal from what he was about to say.
"You didn't deserve any of the shit stuff, no-one deserves for their parents to get shot by mentalists, or to go into a coma, or to have a stutter and anxiety so bad it hurts your head to talk. You don't deserve it Lex. You deserve someone who can take that away, who can soak up all your pain, a-and make you feel like just maybe life is worth living, and that person should be able to persuade you that the way they feel towards you, is so true, and so real, that nothing else matters, that you can push away that anxiety and doubt. If I can't do that for you Lex, then maybe I'm not the one for you."

Neither said a word, inside Alex was screaming 'no don't fucking leave me!', contradicted with a 'you deserve it, you piece of shit you left him at the alter.' Jack wanted to push Alex to argue, and persuade him otherwise, although he wasn't sure how he'd do it. He also wanted to just get up, and leave, and never look back. He couldn't decide, so he did neither.