Always

"Alex you dickhead!" Jack stood up as Alex approached the table, he got a few odd stares from people around him.
"What nowwwwwww?" Alex questioned as he gladly sat in the seat Jack had just pulled out for him.
"It's not fair that you can just fucking waltz in here, looking that damn good, when I can't even have sex with you."
"Oh shut uppppp. You know that is not my fault." Alex rolled his eyes, and started scanning the menu. "Speaking of.. those things. Are you still... unsexed?" Alex asked awkwardly, burning red already.
"A virgin? No, lost it to a girl in college." Jack replied nonchalantly.
"O-oh. And with a guy?" Alex didn't make eyecontact. He just put way more attention into the menu than necessary.
"Yeah, John O, actually. We met up the first summer of college, got a bit pissed and, well, you know." John O. It just had to be John O. Alex wanted to cry, and he hardly even knew why. John O had never done anything rude to him, so Alex shouldn't detest the man, but he just does. "Have you had any relationships?" Jack asked, just making conversation as he squinted to examine the specials board that was hung across the room.
"no" Alex mumbled, incoherently.
"-What?" Jack thought he'd misheard. He took a sip of water.
"I haven't had another relationship." Jack nearly spit out his water. He couldn't believe it.
"H.O.W??" Jack asked in astonishment.
"I- I have difficulty trusting people. And hardly anyone wants a relationship without sex anyway, and no-one understands the whole bi romantic thing. I don't know. I just haven't." replied Alex sheepishly.
"Hello sirs can I take your order?" A short blonde had approached the table.

2am approached fast, and Alex was crashing at Jack's again.
"Jack?"
"nhmnmhm." he muttered and turned onto his side.
"Where do you want to be in 10 years?"
"mhmnbnm. mfwhydoyawannaknow?" answered Jack, lazily.
"Just answer." Jack sat up, and turned on the bedside lamp, figuring he wouldn't get any peace until Alex was satisfied.
"I don't know. Married with kids?" Jack guessed, he didn't really know where he wanted to be, but he assumed that those things would be nice to happen along the way somehow.
"You know I can't give you kids, right?" about a week into the relationship, and they're already talking about kids?
"..Yeah I know."
"Do you really want kids?" Alex pushed.
"I.. I guess so."
"So what am I doing here?"
"There's adoption, and-" Jack was interrupted.
"Jack, I don't want to be a father. I couldn't handle it. I can't even handle adult relationships, let alone bringing a child into the picture." Alex admitted.
"What about when Tom was born? You looked after him so well, and you took care of Vic and Mike practically your whole childhood. You did it so well, I know you, and I know you could handle it."
"But that's the point. I've spent my whole life looking after my siblings, then I met you, and you looked after me. Then we split, but eventually became friends again, and you were still looking after me without even knowing. Even in year 10, I just felt safe around you. When we went our separate ways, I didn't have you looking after me. So what if we adopted a child, and then for whatever reason, I couldn't be there for them. I'd never be able to live with myself." Alex remembered all the feelings he'd suppressed when he was away from Jack, knowing Jack probably didn't feel anything like how he did.
"But you've just got to try, Lex. If the child came to you looking for advice, they're not looking for a right answer, they're looking for what you would do, because they admire you. If the child doesn't come to you for advice, it just means they're trying to work shit out for themselves, and if they make mistakes, theyll try and learn from them. Life is tough with or without children. I'm not trying to persuade you, if you don't want kids you don't want kids, but that reason shouldn't be that you're not capable, because you are."
"Jack. Don't you want your own children?" Alex completely disregarded what Jack had just said, his mind now onto a totally different matter.
"..I dont see how it makes a difference.."
"It makes a difference because what if you want a girl, a woman to be married to?"
"I don't know. But right now, Lex. I want you. I wanted you in year 10, and I want you now. If it had been Josh I'd seen on the street last week, I wouldn't have invited him to spend the night in bed with me on the first day. Don't you realise, Lex? You feel like you love me, more than I love you. I feel the total opposite. I still think that you won't have sex with me because you don't think I'm worthy but-"
"Oh fuck off!! You fucking KNOW THAT IS NOT THE CASE." Alex shouted, tears beginning to fall from his eyes.
"Just because it's not the case doesnt mean I can't still think it! So what. You're allowed self worth issues and IM NOT??!!" Jack retaliated.
"UGH I CANT BELIEVE YOU. THIS THING I'VE GOT GOING ON, IS NOT A CONSCIOUS CHOICE. IT'S A WAY I WAS BORN." Alex was fully crying now.
"WHAT AND ME BEING ANXIOUS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP IS A CONSCIOUS CHOICE? I HATE HAVING SO MANY DOUBTS ABOUT US. BUT I DO AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY??"
"I DON'T KNOW" Alex screamed through his tears.
"Oh yeah. Fine. Fucking fine just cry. I could cry too you know. But I'd rather avoid making my boyfriend feel like a piece of shit." Jack muttered, anger in his eyes.
"Well you've already done that." Alex grabbed his suit from yesterday, went to the bathroom and got washed and changed, and it was now quarter to four in the morning, and he was hailing a cab to get to work.

By first period class he'd had 6 coffees, and he was not in the best mood. His class could sense it as they entered the lecture theatre.
"He's wearing the same suit as yesterday" one girl muttered to the next. Alex ignored it, and tried his best to get on with the lesson plan.

Alex grew frustrated as his students attempted to grasp the hidden reasonings behind Macbeth's insanity. None of them understood what he was trying to convey.

When the bell rang marking the end of the lesson, he set them an essay, due in two days. As the last student filed out of the room, he'd never felt more purely shit, at least not since year 10.