Always

Jack shoved open the door to the room he was told Alex was in, he was meant to be following a nurse, but she was walking so damn slow. He winced at the pain in his hand, seriously how long would it take him to realise that yes, opening a door with a broken wrist and one shattered knuckle is just not going to work.

"Alex? Oh Alex my baby." Jack rushed over and knelt by the side of Alex's bed. Alex had bandages over what must've been some pretty bad cuts and bruises, and even beneath Alex's mop of hair, there was a visible lump. Alex's eyes were shut, he looked lifeless, and Jack wasn't quite sure whether to believe the frequent beeps that represented his heart beat.

Alex was alive, but in a coma.

It was a weird feeling for Alex, one he'd hoped he'd be able to remember when (if) he ever "woke up". It took him a while to realise what this must be. It's like he was fully conscious, but his thoughts were all slowed down, and it was hard to focus on what the people around him were saying. He thought he could sense Jack, he hoped Jack was there. Alex's memories were all floating around, which is why he couldn't hear what Jack was saying, although as a fuckload of his memories were about Jack, he was still, technically, hearing Jack's voice. It was all very confusing.

Jack was across the room, furrowing his brow, silently questioning how his answer to number 24, the first of the higher level questions, was different to the the one on the board. Normally he was top of the set, and asking for extension work by this point. Jack and Alex had only just officially broken up, and he knew that it would take some time to get used to, but it was weird, and finding math, something that always came pretty easily to him, and that he loved, because it always had a definite answer, hard, was so unexpected, and was really fucking with his head.

Whoa. The fuck was that. Alex remembered seeing Jack confused in math, but he had no idea he was the reason why. How did that even work, how did he suddenly understand the situation from Jack's point of view? It had to have been a dream, and that probably wasn't even the reason why Jack found math impossible that day. Alex didn't mean THAT much to Jack.. Did he?

Tears were streaming down Jack's face still, and he'd been sat with Alex for at least an hour.
"Mr Barakat?" a nurse entered the room, a different one to before. "I'm Meg, and I work the evening and night shift in this wing. I'm so sorry about Alex."
"It wasn't your fault." Jack mumbled.
"I know, but I understand how hard it must be. I just thought I'd give you the opportunity to ring his contacts, the ones that really should know. We can do it, if you'd like, but we figured you might be able to empathize with some of the people more, especially his family." Meg explained.
"mkay. Where's his phone?" Jack asked.
"Here, with all his clothes from before, as we had to change him into a gown. Ill leave you to it now, you can stay as long as you want, and if you need anything, just press this button here." she handed Jack Alex's blood stained white shirt, his impossibly tight jeans, his shoes, wallet, belt and phone- he must've looked totally decked, Jack thought briefly, until he remembered the current situation, and then watched as the nurse pointed at the yellow button by the door.
"Thanks" he muttered.

"Hi, Mrs Gaskarth-Fuentes, it's Jack. Jack Barakat. From highschool? Well, um, Alex was in an accident, and now he's um, in a coma." Jack sniffled his way through the sentence, hating the way it sounded out loud. Speaking things out loud were always so much more definite than just keeping them to yourself. It was heart wrenching, hearing Alex's mum break down like that. She had all these questions that he just couldn't answer. She said she'd tell Alex's younger brothers and Vincent, and Dan and Tay as soon as she could.

"Dr Geller? This is Jack Barakat, Alex's boyfriend. Alex was hit by a car, and is now in a coma." He tried to sound as formal as possible, knowing how Alex wouldn't want him to fuck up his first time meeting his boss.
"Oh goodness! Is he going to be alright? We were wondering why he was late to the party."
"What party?"
"The office party, he was going to introduce you to us!"

Alex Jack thought was coming to pick me up, to go to this office party. That's why he was practically outside my apartment block. Fuck. It's my fault.

Jack hung up, and cried again. Apologising repeatedly to his unconscious love. Could he hear him? He sure as hell hoped so.

If Jack hadn't been such an arsehole, they wouldnt have been arguing, and Alex would have already been at Jack's apartment. The guilt was too much. Jack curled up into a ball on the chair, and cried until he was dehydrated, and eventually fell asleep, dreams of Alex hating him shrouded his mind. He woke up screaming.

"Mr Barakat? Mr Barakat is everything alright?" it was Meg the nurse again, it was 3am. "Please, calm down, or you'll wake the patients" she attempted a joke, offering a sympathetic smile. Jack didn't reply, he didn't think he could. He just felt so fucking shit. He remembered how he'd given Alex so much stick about how he always cried, and how people handle their emotions differently, but he realised now that he was a hypocrite, because not only did he cry, but he also punched a fucking wall. Alex was fragile, but so was Jack. Alex was aware, Jack denied it. Alex was in the coma, but Jack felt he was the one that deserved it. Actually no, scrap that. Jack deserved this. He deserved the feeling like pure crap, while his boyfriend lay unconscious, unfazed, probably unaware of what was going on. Well, at least that's what Jack thought.