Stay With Me

Light streamed in through the windows as I sat in the only chair I had in my room.
Through the warm glass, I watched the other patients with envy. Yes, I envied them. I really did. They got to feel the outside, meanwhile I was stuck in here like a cagged animal.
"Are you having fun?" A lilting voice says behind me.
I turn to see Finn sprawled out across the single bed, a magazine in her hands. She stuck her tongue out at me.
"No." I said, turning back to the window. "It's been so long since I felt the wind in my hair, the sun on my skin-"
A moment or two later air blew across my neck.
"There," Finn said, standing behind me now. "It feels kind of like that."
I smiled some, in spite of myself. Finn always did that. She made me smile when I felt like I couldn't.
She reclaimed her spot on the bed, but tossed the magazine asside. "Soon," she said, "Soon you will feel it again darling. They can't keep you here forever."
I sighed, and crossed the room to sit beside her. I new she was right, but still fear clenched in my stomach - what if they did? I knew I couldn't ask her that, though. We'd already had this conversation so many times before. She always assured me that one day they would let me out, and that that day would be very soon.
I sat next to her on the too-small hosiptal bed. Close enough to feel the warmth roll off her, but not close enough to touch.. - hosptial rules, even visitors couldn't touch you, except for when they arrive, or leave.
"How is the outside, Finn?" I asked.
She looked away for a moment, her eyebrows scrunching together as she thought about it. Her hazel eyes were focused on something I could not see.
"Outside-ish."
I laughed a little, again in spite of myself. "Smart ass."
She rolled onto her stomach and looked up at me. "The leaves are back. They're green like the grass. Somedays birds sing in the mornings.. but not everyday.." she paused. "Or maybe they do, maybe I just never notice because their songs never compare to yours."
I felt the heat rise to my cheeks. "Right."
Finn smiled, "Sing me a song, darling. Sing me my song."
I shook my head. "Not right now, not tonight."
In truth, I hadn't sang to Finn in months now. She always begged me to sing her her favorite song.. one I had written for her months and months ago.. but I could never do it. It never felt right.
I don't know why, it just didn't.
I looked up from my hands and stared at Finn. She was fidgeting with her sweatshirt- my favorite sweatshirt. She wore it everytime she came to see me, so nearly everyday.
She looked up and met my gaze. Her lips smiled at me, her eyes do not.
"Do you ever think about the accident?" She asked quietly.
I looked down at my arms. A jagged line criss crossed my left arm from my wrist to my elbow. The right one had more scars then I could count.
I closed my eyes.
It had been a cool fall night, and we were coming home from a bonfire. I was driving my truck, and Finn was riding in the passenger seat, singing to the song blaring on the radio.
I opened my eyes quickly. No.
No, I would not revisit that.
"No." I lied, but Finn could see through me. I sighed. "Sometimes."
Finn looked sadly down at her shoe. "You know it wasn't your fault." She whispered.
I turned away from her and focused my gaze on the window, and the light that was streaming in.
"No," I whispered. "No I don't believe that."