Hurry Up and Grab Your Guts Before the Walkers Do.

Determination fueled me. The trek to the spot where Daryl found me was quite a long and difficult one. This man must be quite strong to have carried me the whole distance. At this thought I felt butterflies swarm my belly along with a rush of heat throughout my body. I’m certain if he turned to look at me my face would be enflamed. Unconsciously I slapped my face. I am such an idiot to think of these things at such a time. Jack could be dead. Keep focus, no more distractions. Distraction equal danger and possibly death.

Daryl was quite stealthy not even making the leaves crunch under his feet while I on the other hand stumbled along ungracefully. How embarrassing, this stranger must think me incompetent. I tried my best to keep up and could only do so by staring at where I walked. My whole concentration was on my footing and where to plant my feet.

I didn’t notice when Daryl stopped until I rammed directly into his side losing my footing. I teetered to the left and almost fell but he swiftly caught me. His thick muscular arms were wrapped tightly around me. I looked up into his deep blue irises entranced. They were so beautiful. If he hadn’t cleared his throat uncomfortably I probably would have stayed in his arms forever. The butterflies in my stomach slowly drifted away once I was out of his grasp. How could this stranger produce such a reaction from me? Never have I been so transfixed with a person’s eyes but his were just so mesmerizing.

I really needed therapy if I thought now was the time to fawn over a man. God a beautiful man, but nonetheless a horrible time. It’s unfortunate that there aren’t any therapists left, I desperately needed one. Once again I slapped my face but this time more harshly.

“Why ya do tha’ for?” Daryl asked looking at me confused. My face burned red, I was speechless. “Uh, I um. Just trying to get myself to um focus on where I’m walking.” I semi-lied. He nodded not convinced. We walked a short distance more before he pointed ahead of us. “You see that o’er there at the base of the hill,” he asked. I nodded. “I found ya’ right by that tree.”

We walked to the tree and I looked around trying to remember how I ended up there. “Okay I recall tripping and rolling so I was most definitely on the hill. I don’t remember how far away it was from where I and Jack split up. I wasn’t paying much attention to anything but the roamers,” I mumbled working it all aloud. I looked around trying to figure a way up the hill, climbing seemed to be the only way. Daryl seemed to think so too because he started up the hill not waiting for me. Before following him I did a quick sweep of our surroundings to make sure the coast was clear. Once I was satisfied I followed in suite.

We had been walking for a good while and still had not found the spot where I left Jack. “Maybe we’re going the wrong way.” I told Daryl. He shook his head. “No we’re on the right path. I’m following your tracks.” He stated, explaining how mine were distinguishable from the biters.

It was safe to say I was impressed by Daryl and disappointed at myself. I had expected to find Jack immediately. This search felt sluggish. I knew we were doing everything we could but it wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good enough. How had Jack survived so long with me tagging along? How had I not gotten him killed already? Gosh I was such a travesty. Everything I touched turned to shit.

I sighed. Not only was I holding us back with my constant tripping but also I wasn’t being very helpful. Daryl didn’t need my help. He could easily search for Jack but I had to remember it was Daryl helping me and not the other way around. Thankfully Rick thought to ask Daryl and not someone as useless as me to accompany.

“Do you think we’ll find him?” I asked timidly. Daryl continued walking as if I hadn’t said anything. Maybe he didn’t hear me? What if he thinks I’m stupid in thinking that we could find Jack, in having faith? Maybe I was stupid? Even so, I wouldn’t give up. I would never stop, just like he never gave up on me.

“I think there’s a large possibility tha’ we might find ‘im.” Daryl answered unexpectedly. I felt the warmth return to my belly. His faith fueled me once again. No more negative thoughts. Daryl glanced at me with a kind expression. The look in his eye made it seem like he understood what I was going through. Maybe he did? I wondered at that moment who he had lost. I wished so deeply to hug away all the pain he had ever felt and kiss the problems away.

My thoughts shocked me so deeply I froze in my spot. I hardly even knew this guy, what the hell was wrong with me! Daryl stopped as well and huffed impatiently. The look he gave me was cold and cruel. He no longer looked caring or sympathetic, it was replaced with a harsh mask of anger and hatred. It proved to me that I hardly knew the guy. I was some stupid kid taking up his time to look for my lost brother.

“Whatcha stoppin’ for?” He barked. I shrunk back in fear at his animosity. “Sorry, I just- uh-.” I didn’t know what to say. The glare he was giving me made it difficult to think, hell to even breathe. “Ya’ just what, tired? Ain’t no time to be stoppin’ if ya wanna find your damn brother! He might be dead or gone cuz’ ya takin your sweet time.”

I flinched at his words. They stabbed me in my heart. It’s as if he took a knife and carved my chest slowly and painfully. I gasped as tears cascaded down my face. It wasn’t as if I wanted to sob in front of this man who thought so little of me, I just couldn’t hold the tears in anymore. I had been wanting to cry ever since I woke up.

I was not as strong as I hoped to be. Never could I compare to Jack. He was perfect in every way: strong, focused, and so much more. Daryl stood there awkwardly watching me cry, regret was clear in his eyes. “I’m sor-,” I cut off his apology with a wave of my hand. Roughly I wiped the tears off my face and charged back into the search. I would be like Jack; focused and calm. My steps were steady and no longer clumsy. My anger at myself aided me in my search. I was more motivated than ever. Finally my head was in the game.