War of the Damned

"You can't, Gabby. I won't let you!" She barks out a laugh at my obstinate nature, but I see right through it. She's scared, and understandably so. But when there's bad blood like this, I know there's no talking her out of it.

Gabriella sighs and places her hands on my shoulders. The gesture is meant to calm me down, but in the moment it just reminds me that she's like a mother to me because I don't have one. It only solidifies my point - I can't lose her. "Jaime..."

"No!" I push her away, hands immediately slapping to press against my eyes in an order to stop the forming tears. "Don't tell me that you don't have a choice. Don't give me that bullshit!" I know shouting isn't going to accomplish anything, but she has to understand. She has to understand how much I can't afford to lose her.

Small, but calloused hands pry my own away from my face and caress my chin. "Sweetheart, you and I both know it isn't bullshit." I can tell that what I've said has upset her, but I can't bring myself to care. Maybe that's the only way I'll be able to stop her from going. "And you know that I really don't have a choice here, little bro. I wish things were different. That's why I have to do this - to let things be different. This could be my chance. This could be our chance, Jaime."

Somewhere deep inside I may know that this is true, but I'll never admit it. "It could also be your last day." My voice comes out sounding much smaller than I had hoped for, but it's the truth. Any of these nights could've - and some should've - been her last. This time, though, we know what they're capable of. They're the whole reason we're like this.

Or, at least, that Gabriella is like this. From what I've read and been told, it's an older brother that's protective. An older brother that seeks vengeance and will stop for almost nothing. Then again, nothing about my and Gabby's life has ever been normal.

Her hands, done comforting me, freeze on the doorknob after unlocking the four different bolts. I can't see her eyes, but I know they're conflicted.

"Jaime, any day could be anyone's last. I have to do this, okay? I have to." And she's gone.

Gone.

I know we couldn't afford it, because we can barely afford this apartment, but times like these I especially wish we could get a dog or something. It's one thing to share a hellhole with the one person you love in your life. It's an entirely different thing to be all alone.

So I can't stop thinking about it; being alone. There would be no notice. No policemen coming to the door, no one holding me and telling me it's going to be okay. I would just truly be alone.

Gabriella feels alone. I'm not enough for her, and I mean, I get that. I'm just the kid brother, right? That's why she feels she has to do this so much. We shouldn't be living like this.

But as I've told her all day today as she prepared, this won't bring back our parents. Nothing can, and nothing will. All we can do is live our lives for them.

I didn't know them as well, since I was only six when they were killed. But for Gabby, it's different. They were her whole world once. Just like how she's mine now, and forever.

Maybe I shouldn't have called off work tonight. At least I would have something distracting me from the fact that any minute now, I could be completely and utterly alone. Without the distraction, I just end up doing what I always do. Cry.

Crying is the stupidest thing in the entire world, because it solves nothing and leaves you feeling even worse than when you started crying most of the time. But I can't help it - it's part of how I cope. I sit in our little apartment, holding the one picture that's left of all four of us, and sob like a newborn.

God, I just want a family.

God, I just want Gabriella to live to see tomorrow.