Christie Road

Her smile was fading, and in its place was a look of confusion that threatened to give way to tears. Billie reached across the table to lace his fingers through hers, hoping to offer comfort, but she seemed not to notice. Thank goodness the restaurant was mostly empty, he thought. This isn't going to be pretty.

"H-how long will you be gone?" she said, in a thin, shaky voice.

He looked down at the half-eaten steak on his plate, appetite vanished into thin air. "I don't know exactly. Lawrence said it could be the better part of a year--"

"A year?" she said, disbelief coloring her face.. Her eyes were stricken, the sapphire blue blurring now as they filled. "Billie, I don't know how to make it for that long without seeing you! Do you really have to do this? Couldn't you keep playing Gilman? I mean, people will come to hear you, and you can make the album..."

He shook his head sadly, patiently. "Baby, it's not enough to just keep doing the same thing we're doing now. This is the chance we've been waiting for, and we have to take it. If we don't we'll never get out--"

He stopped himself abruptly. He was going to say, "out of this godforsaken place." But he could hear it through her ears, he could hear the unspoken coda, "--and away from you." Untrue as it was, she would believe it, and she would poison her heart with it.

Her words were tripping over each other now, giving him a reprieve. "But Billie, we just really started getting to know each other, and then we had to spend two weeks apart. It seems so unfair that it has to happen now!" Her lip was trembling, and she was fighting the tears so hard. He wanted so much to say something, anything to bring the smile back to her face, but he couldn't lie to her.

"I know, it kills me to think of being away from you. But we'll be coming home for breaks, and I promise I'll call you all the time. And when I get back, we'll make up for lost time, I swear."

She took a breath, as if she wanted to say something, but then slowly closed her eyes in silence.

"What is it?" he asked, stroking her fingers gently. She looked up at him, but still said nothing. "Tell me," he pleaded. The guilt of hurting her was like a dagger in his heart.

"I...I don't really know," she said. "I mean, I know we haven't been dating long, and I'm glad for you that you've got this happening, I really am. It's just..." She looked away, as if she didn't want him to see the naked pain in her eyes.

Billie reached out and touched her face, turning her back to look at him. "Don't worry, babe, I'll be thinking about you the whole time. Every day." He gazed deeply into her blue eyes, hoping she could see the honesty in his own.

"What if--what if you meet someone else?" she whispered, as if even the thought was more painful than she could bear.

"Won't happen," he said with finality. "I'm not interested in anyone else. So don't even think it." He smiled, trying with every fiber of his being to reassure her.

She could hold the tears back no longer, and the glistening diamond slid slowly down her petal-soft cheek.

"I'll be so lost without you, Billie. Take me with you. Please..."

He swallowed, hard. He hadn't expected things to turn in this direction. "Lani, I wish I could. I'd love to have you there with me at every single show, and on the bus, and wake up beside you every morning. But you don't want this, trust me. It's going to be me, Mike and Tre in a damn van, and the smell alone will probably kill you after the first few days. It's not a good place for a girl. Besides, your dad would have my ass on a hit list, you know that."

"I don't care. He's suffocating me, Billie. I can't stand all his rules and his control. It's like hell living there! Please say you'll let me come with you, and get away from all this."

He leaned back in his chair, gently untangling his fingers from hers, and laced them behind his head. Trying hard not to let her see the ripple of shock her words had left, he took a deep breath, let it out slowly.

What was it that she really wanted? He wanted to believe it was because she wanted to be with him, but the uncomfortable suspicion that he was simply a means to escape her dad's clutches began to gnaw at him.

"Baby, this just isn't a good idea. The horrible road food, three days with no shower, and if one of the guys from the other bands lays one finger on you, I'd have to kill him. Besides, you can't just quit school to ride around in some nasty van with a bunch of losers like us. I get it, I really do--I know your dad's driving you nuts, but this isn't the answer."

She rummaged through the depths of her bag, nodding and sniffling as she fished inside for a kleenex. "I get it, don't worry. It's not cool to have a girlfriend clinging on when you've got a room full of girls who want nothing more than to get you to themselves."

He sighed in frustration. "That's not it, not at all. This just isn't what's best for you, you know?"

Eyes flashing, she snapped at him. "And just how do you know what's best for me? Do you think I need another dad? I can't stand the one I've got now!"

"Hey, hey--take it easy, babe, I didn't mean anything by that!"

"Of course you did! Go ahead--say it! Tell me 'it's been nice and all, but you really think we need to move on.' Isn't that what this is really about?"

He didn't mean to make it obvious that he thought she was coming unhinged. But his expression probably did give it away. In fact, his jaw was hanging slack when the glass of ice water splashed into his face, making him gasp and sputter.

She turned and began to run for the exit, leaving him to pay for two dinners they had hardly touched.