Christie Road

"Mike, c'mere a second," Billie whispered, looking over his shoulder to see if Lani was behind him. He motioned his friend over to the men's room door. "Let's duck in here--I gotta take a pee."

It was a testament to their closeness that they broke the supreme law of the men's bathroom--never, ever speak to anyone except in the most perfunctory grunts. Mike pretended to occupy himself combing his hair in the mirror as Billie relieved himself with a satisfied sigh. The quick growl of a zipper, and then he stood beside Mike, washing his hands.

"So what did you need?" Mike asked, still keeping his eyes on his own reflection.

Billie dried his hands on his jeans, and turned to lean his backside against the edge of the counter. "Okay, so I need your help with something."

"So what's new?"

"Funny. I'm serious, Mike. This is tough enough to talk about without your bullshit. Look, Lani's been like my shadow for six months now, and don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's here. She's trying really hard to help me out, run errands for me, wash my clothes--"

"Feed you, dress you, change your diapers," Mike said, his mouth twisted into a teasing grin.

"Fuck you sideways, Dirnt. She's great, and you know it, " Billie snapped.

Mike shrugged, still smiling. "Meh, I guess I have to give her some credit. She's not as much of an enormous pain in the ass as you are, that's for sure."

Billie exhaled impatiently. "Are going to let me finish or not?" he asked.

"Fine, go ahead. What is it that's so important?" Mike said, sliding his comb back into his hip pocket. He leaned back against the cool tile wall, crossing his arms.

The smaller man's brows furrowed. He was concentrating hard, and clearly bothered by something. All their years together had made that much unmistakable to his friend. He raked his fingers through his hair, his hand lingering on the back of his neck in a nervous gesture he'd had since childhood.

"Okay, here's the thing," he began hesitantly. "Every night, she's there. Every morning, she's there. When I come out of the dressing room, she's there. If I'm reading a book, she's sitting beside me, watching me read. I try to write a song, and she's telling me before it's even finished how amazing it is."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

His face twisted, a guilty shadow passing over it. "Am I a bastard if I say it is?" he asked.

The teasing tone in Mike's voice faded as he realized Billie was really struggling. He thought for a moment, taking the question seriously. "Well, no, I don't think you're a bastard. You're just saying you need a little space, and I can understand that." The truth was that he was surprised it had taken this long for Billie to reach his limit. He'd always been so solitary, and to have someone almost constantly with him, especially when he was writing, should have driven him nuts months ago.

Billie squinted, looking up at the ceiling as if the answer was painted on the water-stained acoustic tiles. "I'm not sure that's all I'm saying, though."

The words carried weight, as if he had dropped a boulder into calm water. "So do you want to break up with her?" Mike asked carefully. "I mean, it's not like you're engaged or anything."

Billie was silent.

"Right?" Mike asked, his eyebrows raised.

"Yeah--I mean, no, we're not engaged. I've never said anything about getting married. Hell, I haven't even told her I love her yet."

Mike couldn't hide his shocked expression. "Are you serious? All the time she's been with us and you've never even said the word to her?" He hated reacting badly, but it had just been an assumption that allowing her so close would have to be part and parcel of feelings that went beyond a crush. "Damn, I had no idea."

Billie's eyes were clouded with anguish. "Mike, she's said it enough for both of us. She tells me all the time. 'Billie, I love you so much. Billie, I can't live without you. Billie, how many children are we going to have?' It's so hard, wanting to be able to feel the same way, but when I open my mouth, it just won't come out."

Mike's lips pursed in a long, mournful whistle. "So what do you say?"

"I don't know," Billie answered. "Usually I just say something like, 'Baby, you're the best,' or 'I'm so lucky to have you.' I mean, when somebody's telling you their life pretty much revolves around you, how the fuck do you say, 'Oh, sorry, I guess you better piss off now because on a scale of one to ten, you're at about a nine, and I'm hovering around two and a half'?" He looked miserable, and it was the first time Mike had seen any sign that he felt this way. If he wasn't happy with Lani, then he was damn sure a good actor.

"Okay, then what is it you want me to do for you?" Mike asked, wanting to help any way he could.

Billie's fingers tented, his head lowered almost penitently. "You remember the girl that was here this morning during sound check?" he asked.

She had been cute, petite with choppy, black hair and a turned-up nose, but not what Mike would have thought of as spectacular. In fact, she had a bit of attitude, if you asked him. "Yeah, I think I do. What about her?" he had a sneaking suspicion he knew what Billie was going to say.

His friend's eyes were pleading for understanding. "Mike, I just---I need to feel free again, you know? I don't want to be an asshole, but I just want to feel like I'm eighteen and single! So I meet a cute girl, so I want to be able to spend a little time with her. Jesus, it's not like I've lived some kind of rock star orgy life on this tour, is it? All I want is just to be able to think about what it might be like with someone else. Is that so awful?" He was almost cringing, expecting to be chastised as he thought he deserved to be. But the sword didn't fall.

"So how do I fit into this?" Mike asked, and he dreaded what he knew he was going to hear.

"Just distract her for a while, that's all I'm asking. Maybe take her out to eat or to a movie. I'll say I'm busy writing or something. I just want an hour to myself, that's it. Will you do that for me?"

The thought of all the weeks they'd all spent together, learning how not to get on each other's nerves, and the tentative friendship he'd managed to build with Lani, made Mike a little sick at the thought of betraying her. Even if Billie had made no commitment to her, it just didn't seem right to lie to her, to run interference so that he could cheat on what she clearly believed they had.

"Bill, man, I feel you, I really do. And you know I'd do anything in the world for you, take a bullet, even. But this, this just doesn't feel right, you know?" He spread his hands, trying to express the pull he was feeling between loyalty and his conscience.

There was a brief flash of anger in Billie's eyes, but it faded quickly as he saw how sincere Mike was. "Sure, no problem. I shouldn't have put you in this position. Sorry, man."

Mike eyed him, a trace of suspicion in his gaze. It shouldn't have been that easy. "You sure?" he asked warily. "I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to push you one way or the other. I just don't want to get in the middle of it. You can understand, can't you?"

"Absolutely," Billie said, and the smile returned to his face. "Listen, just forget I said anything. Consider it just a momentary lapse of reason. Everything will be fine, I promise."

"I hope so. Dude, I'm here any time you need to talk, okay?" He slung his arm around his friend's shoulders and squeezed quickly. "Hey, this girl stuff is complicated."

"How the fuck would you know, you big eunuch?" Billie razzed, and punched him in the arm. They strode back up the hall toward the dressing room to get ready for the show, and there stood Lani, her gleaming white smile and perky eyes lighting up at the sight of Billie's face. He groaned inwardly, but plastered a grin on his face. She wrapped her creamy arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

Over her shoulder, he saw Mike's sympathetic expression. It was okay--where Mike was concerned, he knew in the back of his mind that it would always be okay. They'd been friends too long to let something like a girl come between them.

Besides, Tre was much easier to convince.