Maybe Next Week

The sun was streaking in through the windows, annoyingly bright to my tired eyes. Alice was sitting cross-legged on her bed, in an old hockey jersey, her blonde and pink-streaked hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun. She was munching loudly on a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and every time she dipped her spoon into the bowl, the metal would clank against the ceramic. The sound was overly loud to my sensitive head and I gripped the coffee mug in my hands tighter.

“Why do you put up with him, Jan?” She stuffed another spoonful of the cereal into her mouth and chewed, but continued to talk. “I know I’ve asked you this before, but I honestly want to know.”

I had just finished telling her of my previous night, of the club smell and sex still rubbed all over my skin. I wanted to take a shower the second I stepped into our apartment but she had shoved a cup of coffee into my hands and demanded that I tell her where I had been.

I had just wanted to blow off some steam. The week had been rough and all I wanted was to drink and forget about everything. But then I had run into him. And suddenly the night was no longer about forgetting but about trying to remember why we hadn’t worked out in the first place. Even the other girl hanging on his arm half the night couldn’t distract me.

“I don’t fucking know,” I grumbled. “I know he’s bad for me, and I know that every time I run into him it’s going to end bad for me, but I can’t help it. He smiles that stupid charming smile and his stupid blue eyes twinkle and the next thing I know I’m smiling back! And I just fucking want him so bad.”

“Ah. So it’s a bit like you’re Clark Kent and he’s your kryptonite,” she joked. “Although Josh isn’t green.”

“This is not the time for your nerdy jokes, Alice. I’m trying to be serious,” I groaned. “I need fucking help.”

“I know and I’m sorry. How did you end up going home with him, again?”

I drained the rest of my coffee, grimacing at the bitter taste. I only ever drank the stuff when I had a massive hangover and had to spend time thinking.

“I don’t even know. It’s all a bit fuzzy,” I got up from my set at Alice’s computer desk and flopped down onto the bed next to her. “After I had spotted him on the dance floor I went over to the bar to do tequila shots. I had hoped that if I got drunk enough I’d forget he was there. And then he showed up next to me, ordered another round and it all gets hazy after that. I remember being shocked though because I had seen him with some tanned, bleached-hair bimbo.”

Alice paused in chewing more of her cereal to glare at me from underneath her platinum and pink hair.

“Oh don’t look at me like that. You know what I mean. Her skin and her hair were the same color and that drives me fucking crazy.”

The sunlight coming in the windows was hurting my eyes again and I dropped my arms across them to shield some of the pain. My black sequined tank top was sticking to my back and the dark skinny jeans on my legs felt like a second skin. I just wanted to go peel it all off and scrub away the smell of sex, tequila and smoke.

“Janet.”

I looked out from underneath my arm to see Alice staring at me, green eyes full of pity and sadness. I dropped my arm back down, not wanting to see or accept her pity.

“Just look at yourself. This is what always happens when you see him. Josh isn’t good for you, Jan. I know you’re infatuated with him but- Hey!” I jumped from her exclamation and looked back up at her. “That’s what he is! Your wonderwall.”

“My what?”

“You know, like that 90’s song. Because maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me. And after all, you’re my wonderwall,” she sang. “A wonderwall is the person that you’re like infatuated with and you think about them all the time. You think you can save Josh, stop him from his doucebag ways.”

“I do not think about him all the time, Al,” I grumbled.

“Really?” she asked skeptically. “Then why do you always bring him up in conversations?”

“I don’t! You’re the one that wanted to know what happened last night. And if I didn’t tell you voluntarily, you probably would’ve beaten it out of me.”

“True, true.” Alice dropped the now empty bowl onto her nightstand and turned to me. “Now, listen. Starting tomorrow we’re going to forget all about Josh, because there is this guy at work who would just be perfect for you!”

“I’m really not in the mood to be set up. Especially with whatever nerd you have picked out for me. So thanks, but no thanks.” She had the audacity to look offended but I just patted her on the leg and sat up. “I’m gonna go climb in the shower and then take a nap.”

I got up from my place on the bed, and started walking to the door.

“But what about class? Don’t you have one in like, an hour?”

“Ah, fuck class,” I mumbled.

I left her room and made my way down the hallway, wobbling slightly on the heels I still had yet to take off. I went into the bathroom, slammed the door shut and kicked off the strappy shoes. I reached into the shower, turned the water on at a burning temperature and started to strip.

My tank top and bra came off and I dropped them on the floor. The jeans were stiff after being worn for so long and I knew I had spilled cheap beer on them at some point. I made a mental note that at some point I’d have to go back to Josh’s. I couldn’t find my underwear when I was trying to leave his apartment and had just left the lacey, black thong there. But maybe it’d be better if I never went back. I shimmied out of the jeans and they fell on the ground with a soft thud. I reached back down to pull my phone out and set it on the counter.

I looked at myself in the mirror, at the tangled black hair, the circles under my eyes so dark I didn’t know if it was from lack of sleep or smudged, old eyeliner. I looked exhausted. Alice was right. Starting tomorrow, I would have to move on and live a life without him in it. I felt a small prick at the back of my eyes and throat, felt the beginning of tears and ignored it. This would be best.

My phone buzzed against the counter and I picked it up to check the text message. Despite my new decision, I swear my heart fluttered when I saw it was him.

Good morning gorgeous :)

A small smile slipped across my lips and I quickly texted back before hopping in the shower. I ran my head under the water, felt the heat seeping into my bones. Maybe next week I could start forgetting about him. Maybe then I could put him out of my life.

I heard the vibration of a new message over the pounding shower spray and couldn’t stop the smile stretching across my face. I picked up a bottle of shampoo, squirted some into my hands and began to lather my hair.

Yeah, maybe next week.