Hold Onto Me

I stayed in the shower until the water ran cold, and even then I sat there for a few extra minutes, letting the water give me chills. I heard a knock at the door, followed by Lauren's voice. But I didn't move. I didn't say a word. I heard a commotion outside the door, followed by the door swinging open. She took one look at me then turned, and I heard a slap.

"What did you do to her?" She hissed.

Did she really just slap Zack? Oh well. What could I do about it? Take back the slap? It doesn't work like that. She slammed the door, and locked it before turning her attention to me. She turned the freezing cold water off, and pulled my shivering body out of the shower. Lauren wrapped my giant, fluffy towel around me and held me while I cried.

"What's wrong, Ris?" She whispered, petting my hair.

I couldn't tell her I just fucked Zack. She would blame him, and it wasn't his fault. He didn't force me to do anything, and he didn't take it. It was consensual, heat of the moment, regret it later, sex. So what do I tell her? The root of it all? Why did I do it?

"John." I croaked, barely above a whisper. "He left me..."

She didn't say anything, she just hugged me tight and told me how sorry she was. I sucked my tears up and hugged her back, cause I knew the guys would be walking in the door at any minute and I couldn't let them see me upset. She helped me up and made sure I made it to my room without any problems. As I passed the entrance to the living room, I caught a pair of green eyes and I gave him a weak smile before entering my room, ready to get some clothes on.

I grabbed the first bathing suit I saw in my drawer and put it on before pulling a random tank top and pair of Nike shorts on. I pulled my wet hair up in a ponytail and slid my flip flops on before taking a look in my vanity mirror. The hickey on my neck was clearly visible and I mentally cursed Zack. I gently rubbed the spot as I made my way to the bathroom, and applied a dab of toothpaste and waited a few minutes. Thankfully, it wasn't as dark or big as it was before.

I could hear everyone in the backyard, laughing and having a good time. I hurried into the kitchen and took a quick swig of the Jack Daniels whiskey bottle sitting on top of the fridge, then grabbed my Ray Bans from off the counter and went outside to join the party. Lauren was in the pool with Brian and Trevin, Melody was playing with Johnny, Jimmy, and the dog, Zacky was chilling in a patio chair, sipping on a beer, and Matt was manning the grill.

"There she is!" Matt grinned, stepping away from the fire to hug me.

"Hey, bubba." I smiled, wrapping my arms around him.

I told everyone hey, and took a seat across from Zack and stared out across the yard, focusing on Mel. I didn't want to look at him, but I felt his eyes on me. I knew I'd have to talk to him eventually, but it wasn't the right time. Not in front of everyone. I hummed along to the song that was playing on the radio, and rocked the chair to the beat. Out of impulse, I quickly got up, kicked my shoes off and pulled my clothes off and dove into the deep end of the pool.

My Ray Bans fell off as I surfaced, and I sat them on the edge of the pool as I made my way to where Melody stood, waiting for me to catch her when she jumped. She was just as fast as I was at getting down to her bathing suit, a cute little one piece. She was an excellent swimmer for a three year old. She jumped straight into my arms and squealed with glee.

I knew Zacky was watching us, and it made me a little uncomfortable. Soon, all the guys except Matt were getting into the pool. Melody was playing with everyone, and Zack slowly made his way towards me. As he got closer, I heard someone clear their throat from above and behind me. I turned and saw John standing there, with an awkward look on his face. Melody didn't even notice him, or me as I got out. I wrapped myself in a towel and followed him inside, dreading what was about to happen. He was either going to tell me he wanted to stay, and then I'd have to tell him about what happened with Zacky, or he was going to tell me he was leaving for good. Either way, I'd lose.

"I didn't know you were having a party or I would've waited until they were gone." He finally said, looking down at his hands.

"It's fine." I mumbled, not wanting to know what he was going to say.

"I love you, Marissa. I really do. And I love Melody too. I just need a break from it all. Being on tour was hell, but it was also amazing. Not being responsible for a little girl, not having to worry about wedding details, and being able to... It doesn't matter."

"Just go ahead and say it, John. Being able to flirt with whomever your heart desires without your fiance finding out. Right?" I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

"Don't, Rissy. It wasn't like that. I just..." He sighed. "I'm 22 years old. I should be going out and having fun with my friends, not staying home and reading a bedtime story. You know?"

"So, you're pretty much saying you don't want the responsibility of a kid?"

"That's a bad way of putting it."

"You know what, John... Just go. Get your stuff and go. I don't even care, because I'm left with a wonderful little girl. And what do you have? Nothing. Sure, you've got fame and your good looks, but what about in twenty years? You won't have it anymore, but I'll still have my sweet girl. So, you're the one I feel sorry for, John."

I didn't give him a chance to reply before I got up from the table and left. Lauren was hiding in the hallway and she gave me a small smile and a thumbs up before hurrying outside. I paused where she had stood seconds ago and caught my breath, making sure I wasn't going to have a breakdown. I felt okay though. There was no way I would even want to be with someone who didn't want Melody.

I dropped my towel by the table, and slowly slid into the pool beside Zack. He gave me a look, and I knew what he was asking. I shook my head no, and he grinned brightly before giving my butt a little squeeze underwater. I let out a small gasp and he chuckled, swimming away.

Once Matt finished grilling the burgers, Lauren emerged from inside with plates, buns, chips, dip, drinks, and condiments. Jimmy helped Melody with hers, and even cut it up for her like I did. Melody sat on my right, Jimmy on her right, followed by Johnny, Brian, Lauren, Trevin, Matt, Zacky, and I was on his right. We all enjoyed our dinner and watched as the sun set. It was a great way to end the evening, surrounded by the people you love the most.

Throughout the entire meal, Zack made a point to either hold my hand under the table or run his fingers up my thigh like it was nothing. Each time he would do it, I'd give him a glare and kick him in the leg. Once everyone was done, I volunteered to clean up. I carried the food in, and Zack took that as an opportunity to talk.

"So, are we going to talk about what happened today or are we just going to pretend it didn't happen?" He asked, putting the ketchup, mustard, mayo, and pickles up.

"What? Do you really think this is a good time to discuss it?"

"Well, why not now? You've kept me waiting all day, Mari."

"What is there to discuss, Zack?" I groaned, putting foil over the hamburgers. "We had sex."

"Did it mean anything to you? Did you feel that spark, that magic? I sure as hell did. It's still there, Marissa. After all this time, it's still there. And I know you know it."

"I'm not doing this right now, okay? My fiance literally just left me, I'm not gonna immediately come running back to you, Zachary. You know as well as I do it's just not gonna work. There's a reason we never work out. And it's not just us in this anymore, it's Mel too. What is she going to think? Seeing me go from John to you in a matter of days? Besides, I'm not the same person you knew and you're not the same person I knew."

"Yeah, I literally didn't hear a word you said because you're just making excuses, Marissa Roman. You know we belong together, with Mel. We're meant to be a family, and I promise you right now, you're going to be mine again." He grinned, before giving me a kiss and returning to the party outside.

I took the whiskey bottle back down and took a few gulps before pulling my engagement ring off. As I dropped it in the knick knack bowl on the counter, I turned to see Jimmy leaning against the wall, with a little smirk on his face. I glared at him and went back outside. Lauren had turned the patio lights on, lit the tiki-torches, and turned the colored pool lights on to entertain the kids. I went to sit with everyone and let out a frustrated groan as Jimmy pushed past me to take the chair I was going to sit in, and Brian put his feet up in the last one, leaving nowhere for me to sit.

Zacky grabbed my hand and pulled me into his lap, locking his arms tight around my waist. Everyone gave him a little smile before turning back to the light show going on in my pool. It amused me how easily they got distracted by the lights. I felt him shift underneath me and his head popped out from under my arm, and pulled my body back with his. I was now resting against his chest with my arm around his neck. He gave me a few kisses on my shoulder and I just smiled softly.

"Ah. This is how it's supposed to be." Jimmy laughed, causing everyone to look at him. "Zack and Rissa cuddled up and back together, their kid running around, and we're all together again. Just like in the good ol' days. But plus two babies." He grinned.

"Uh, Jim. I hate to burst your bubble here, but Zack and I... We're not back together and I don't know if we ever will be. He's just my chair."

"Marissa, Marissa." Zacky tisked. "Why must you deny our love? You break my heart, I swear."

He picked me up and made his way to the edge of the pool. My eyes grew wide as I realized what he was about to do. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and screamed loudly. He let out a hearty laugh and held me out over the water.

"No, no! Zacky! Don't you dare! I swear to God, I will punch you in your nuts if you do." I whined, clinging to him for dear life.

"You, my dear, are in no position to be making threats." His lips curled up in an amused smile. "You know what? I'll put you down. Only if you agree to go on a date with me. So that way you can get to know me again, and we can see how we're supposed to be together. I'm down for either so it's your call, Mari. Do you want to get wet and hurt my feelings orrrr, do you want to stay dry and have a wonderful night with yours truly?"

"Hmm. Are those my only options?" I laughed, giving him a joking smile. "Okay, yeah. What is one night going to hurt?"

"Yes! She agreed!" Zack yelled in delight, as his eyes lit up.

Before I knew what happened, he jumped right into the pool with me still in his arms. Once we both surfaced, I pushed out of his grasps and splashed him in the face. He just grinned and playfully splashed me back as Melody jumped in where we were. She doggy paddled to her dad and I slowly swam backwards into the pool corner so I could just watch them. Mel would stand on Zack's knee and jump off, come up and squeal with delight, and then start all over again. He didn't seem to have a problem with it at all. They just kept getting cuter and cuter, and I knew he loved being a dad and she loved having him around.