Endlessly

I've gone crazy. That's it. I've turned the wrong way in the long race track of life. How else would you explain the way I've been standing in front of the 50 cent ring machine in the supermarket for over half an hour? Alex's ice cream certainly half past melting as I contemplate the consequences of buying one of the small plastic rings for him.

We'd only been dating for about 3 months and we haven't said those three magic words... Yet. I was totally there. The words balancing on the tip of my tongue whenever he did something cute or just when we were quietly watching our favorite movies. I bit them back though, constantly.

Another thing about the ring, it was plastic. What if he thought that I thought he was cheap? Alex was not cheap. He deserved all the gold in the world. He deserved to be pampered and given everything he wanted.

I couldn't do that. I could only stand in front of this insignificant machine and think about buying him a plastic ring. I had just decided to say fuck it and walk out the door without the stupid thing that was consuming my thoughts when my phone buzzed.

Alex: babe where'd you go?? This movie isn't going to watch itself and I demand cuddles so get your hot ass over here.

And yeah that kind of decided it for me. We were perfect together. What was one little plastic ring really going to change. I set the grocery bags down and pulled out two quarters. Pulling the little ball thingy out of the dispenser. The ring that popped out of the ball was simple. It had a simple twisting design along the front and it was perfect... Just like Alex.

I typed a reply back quickly before picking up our bags and rushing to the car.

Jack: I'm coming. Calm ur tits.

-

"Lucyyy, I'm hoooome." I yelled as I unlocked the door and walked into our kitchen. I heard Alex laugh from the living room.

"It's about time!"Alex rounded the corner between the kitchen and living room. I lived in a simple apartment covered by my salary at the music store. "What did you do? Get lost in the two feet it takes to get to the store? You left like an hour ago!" Alex wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, kissing my neck as I put the alarmingly sloshy feeling ice cream in the freezer.

"I got distracted." I mumbled. Alex laughed against my neck, sending shivers up my spine. He slid his hands closer to my jacket pockets along my stomach. I tensed, my breathing becoming more shallow and frequent. The ring was in that pocket.

Alex hummed, kissing a line along my neck, "Why so tense?" His hands dipped into my pocket, the right one recoiling at the unfamiliar feeling of the plastic ball resting in there. "What's this?" He dipped his hand back in and pulled the already familiar weight out, backing away from me and leaning against the other counter as he examined it.

I turned slowly, expecting the worst. He probably wasn't ready for something like this. I was just a lowly music shop employee, taking art classes at the local university, and just barely making it by. Alex was in the same boat but he went to college for the music classes. He deserved someone who could spoil him and I couldn't do that. That killed me sometimes. I constantly had some form of ink splattering my skin and my jeans were all ripped because I couldn't really afford to buy new ones. Alex was perfect and I was just me.

When I was facing him though I didn't see disgust or fear I saw confusion. I cringed when the pop of it opening resounded throughout my tiny apartment. The ring falling into my loves hand lightly.

"Jack. What is this?"

"Well there's a shop down the street where they sell plastic rings for a quarter a piece I swear and I mean i know it's cheap and not the gold of your dreams but I hope you'll still wear it?" I mumbled, looking down at my hands as they twined together.

This statement was greeted by silence. We stood that way for a moment before I couldn't take it anymore and I looked up. Alex had slipped the ring on his right ring finger, adjusting it accordingly and was smiling at it fondly. "It's perfect." Then he looked up, his hands coming up to cup my face and he kissed me, "You're perfect."

-

If you were to ask me why I worked so hard I'd say something stupid about how I needed to get by and I needed the money and I wouldn't be lying. I do need the money. Alex would probably kill me if he knew where half my paycheck goes each month.

But I've seen how he looks at that house up on the hill near the university. The light blue one with the wrap around porch, white shutters, and view of the entire town. Alex isn't very good at hiding something when he wants it. I've seen the lingering looks, the way he passes by it unnecessarily while we are out, the adoration in his eyes unmistakable. If I want a life with Alex, it'll have to be in that house.

I'll work everyday, through the sun and the rain, until I can afford it.

My friends think I'm crazy. I'm saving up to buy a house for a guy when I don't even know loves me yet. It's seven months into our relationship and we still haven't said the words. He's never taken that ring off though. He wears it everywhere. That has to mean something right? He obviously feels strongly for me. And I can't imagine my life without him in it. So I'll slave away until I can afford it.

-

Alex and I are currently at a party and usually I'm all for parties. Not this one. All of Alex's overprotective friends are glaring at me. I'm not even doing anything! It's not like I'm on the dance floor grinding on Alex or trying to undress him. We haven't disappeared into a room yet. I'm not even that drunk.

They've never liked me though. I've always gotten nasty looks from them. Eight months in and they still think I'm a horrible person. I don't know why either. I never did anything to any of them.

It might be because they think I'm not good enough for Alex and really I can't argue with them. He's so perfect and I'm just me. All I can offer is my love and I can't even acknowledge that without scaring him away. So of course I'm not surprised they are glaring at me but it's still unnerving.

I don't want to be here anymore. I turn to Alex who is curled into my side nursing a beer "Can we go?" Trying out my best pouting face to coerce him into saying yes, making my eyes big and innocent.

Alex looked at me curiously, the alcohol already clouding his system slightly, not enough to be drunk yet so he probably won't want to leave, "Why? We just got here..." Told you.

"Everyone is glaring at me." I whimpered, sinking down some more trying to hide my face in his hair.

"No they aren't."

All I could do was nod. If he wasn't going to remove me from this awkward situation then I might just have to do it myself. Even though I really didn't want to leave Alex here to get home alone later, when he was so drunk he couldn't see, let alone walk, straight. I still wasn't going to subject myself to all this hatred when I could be home basking in Alex's love.

Alex sighed, pulling up from the couch and offering me a hand and a gentle smile, "Alright let's go." I let out a breath of relief I hadn't realized I was holding. Alex never let go of my hand as we were leaving the house walking down the street to where his car was parked.

"They hate me." I mumbled.

Alex turned towards me, stopping us, "They can only see your imperfections. But I swear you are perfect for me." Alex smiled, pressing a feather light kiss to my nose to cheer me up.

I kept eye contact as I whispered "I'd need a miracle for them to even begin to think I wasn't crazy weird and therefore bad for you."

"There's no guarantee that this would be easy. It's not a miracle you need, believe me." Alex started walking us to the car again, our linked hands swinging between us in the glow of the street lights.

We walked in silence until we got to the car, him being a gentleman and opening the car door for me. Before I slid in, I kissed him again, pushing him up against the car door and playing with his hair.

I pulled away, sliding into the car. Just before he closed the door I asked, "Then what do I need? I just want them to like me."

Alex paused in closing the door, stopping half way for a moment before pulling it completely open again. He pressed one last kiss to my lips, "You need me." before closing the car door and yeah that definitely set the butterfly's going in my stomach.

-

A year. We had been dating for a year today. Alex had never really been one for celebrating anniversaries but a year was a pretty big deal. I could make a big deal out of this right?

Well it didn't matter what he thought because I was going to make a big deal whether he wanted to or not. Today was the day. I was finally going to tell him I loved him. No big deal. I've known it since the second month of dating but it never felt right to say it. Today just felt like the day. If we were still together after a year then some strong emotions were obviously there.

And if he didn't say it back then I would just wait for him to say it.

Now you might be thinking but Jack how would you be able to afford an intricate night out. Truth is, I can't. But that's okay! Although it's what Alex deserves I can only do what I can. And what I can do is order Italian and a bunch of our favorite movies for a night in, with just the two of us. Cuddles and sex ensured.

Fear not, that's not all I'm doing. I'm setting up my apartment all nice and such. Candles and dim lighting. It was going to be romantic, god dammit! No matter how many times my friends told me I was being ridiculous.

Alex would be surprised to say the least.

I was heating up the food when I heard a knock at the door. Lowering the heat on the stove I dried my hands on my jeans, making my way over. When I opened the door I nearly had the breath knocked out of me. Alex looked gorgeous. He was wearing black skinnies and a white shirt with a grey hoodie zipped up and a purple beanie resting on his head. "Hey Jacky." He greeted, smiling up at me cutely through his fringe. "Can I come in?"

My mouth snapped shut as I nodded wordlessly and stepped to the side. We had been together for a year and he still had me speechless most of the time. Alex stepped inside, pushing his purple vans to the side of the door. He looked really great in purple, let me tell you.

"Why is it so dark in here?" He asked setting his keys and wallet on the table by the door.

"Because it's our one year anniversary and I wanted to make it special." Alex began to groan but I cut him off. "Nope. None of that. I know you don't like celebrating anniversaries but I think you can do this one small thing for me, yeah?"

I waited to be rejected again but I just got a large grin and a peck on the lips before a simple "yeah." left his lips.

It was perfect and those words were on the tip of my tongue all throughout dinner but I couldn't say them. It just didn't seem right. I couldn't get them out. I wasn't perfect. What if I said them and he realized I wasn't good enough and left.

We were currently watching movies, Legion being on at the moment. It wasn't the most romantic movie but we both loved it a lot so why not? We were near the end where the angels wings flared out and he flew off after his brother when Alex turned the volume down.

"I wish I was an angel." He stated still staring at the screen.

My eyebrows creased in confusion. "Like an actual angel...with wings?" Alex nodded, biting his lip like he does when he's concentrating. "Why?"

"So I could just fly away from my problems."

I was utterly confused. He didn't need to run from his problems. That wouldn't solve anything. He just had to talk to someone about them..preferably me. "Wings aren't what you need. You need me." I said seriously. I might have been a little too serious though.

Alex froze beside me. Pulling away slightly to look at my face. His eyes searched mine before something seemed to click. His lips crashed down onto mine and I've never been one for the cliche romance stuff but I felt the love and fireworks and all that shit and when he pulled away I was gonna say it, finally, but he beat me to it.

"I love you angel." Alex mumbled, resting his forehead against mine and staring straight into my eyes.

And after agonizing for about a year over these three simple words, it was only fitting he say them first.

I sighed in happiness, pulling him tighter to my side and tracing the plastic ring still on his finger, "I'm no angel. I'm just me. But, I swear to God, I will love you endlessly."