Ignite

Zack awoke slowly with a lazy smile on his lips. Last night’s dream had been phenomenal. He could recall it so vividly, how he was intimate with Jack in such an intense way. Yeah, there was no point denying to himself how much he desired his PA, not when things had gotten this passionate. The majority of his evening had been spent watching Jack dance, mesmerising in his inebriation, so who could blame Zack for having a sexual dream about him that night? It’s not like he was going to get the real thing, so dreaming was what he’d have to savour, especially if his dreams were going to be up to this standard. Sure, it would probably be difficult looking Jack in the eye when they went back to work on Monday 20th, but with only a few days before Christmas Zack was sure he could survive. He could keep his fantasies private – he was a professional.

But fuck, that was a good dream.

Zack stretched out fully, his body aching and groaning, stretching from head to toe as he tried to shake himself out of his hungover stupor. Today was going to be a good day, he could feel it.

Talking about feeling things…something was bunched around Zack’s foot. Material of some kind. Huh. Zack threw back his duvet, snorting when he realised he was naked. He must’ve kicked his boxers off in the night or something. Stranger things have happened. Sure enough, they were boxers…but…they weren’t his.

What?

He was definitely sure they weren’t his – they were way too small for his ass and thighs…so whose were they? Did he bring someone home last night? A quick look in the trashcan at the side of the bed confirmed a used condom, only confusing Zack more. He couldn’t remember…

Then his blood ran cold. That dream. That dream about Jack…it wasn’t a dream? Fuck. No no no this couldn’t be happening! He couldn’t have brought Jack back here last night! He’d been so careful, only flirting subtly, especially now since Jack had been so cold lately. Jack had barely spoken to him actually…so why did he come back with Zack last night? Why did Jack give in to Zack desires? A brief flash of panic swept through him, like he’d forced his inebriated PA, but then he remembered he had been fairly drunk himself…and if that dream was anything to go by, Jack had been begging and pleading with him, moaning his name like there was nowhere else he’d rather be. So at least it was consensual.

Zack caught himself smiling, and as soon as he realised his expression, his heart sank. He couldn’t be happy about this. Jack had left. Jack had snuck out, at fuck knows what time, leaving his underwear behind. The more he thought about it, the more it hurt. Jack had finally slept with him – and he still didn’t want him. Zack had been used, for one thing only. This had never happened to him before. He didn’t know how to deal with it. He’d wanted Jack for so long, and now that he’d had him, he felt empty. All because Jack hadn’t wanted him enough in return to stay.

Fuck.

He did the only logical thing he could. He called Rian.

And of course it went straight to voicemail. Damn it.

“Hey, Rian. Um, I really need you to call me. Like, right now. I think I slept with Jack last night, but I can’t remember. And if I did, he snuck out on me, and I don’t know how to feel about that. So please, call me when you get this,”

Zack ended the call with a groan, before pushing himself out of bed. He needed a shower, and then some coffee, and then something edible. He needed to occupy himself until he heard back from Rian, and then he could figure out what the hell he was going to do.

It’s not every day that he’s rejected by the man he’s fallen for.

*

Zack’s shower took a little longer than he expected. To be honest, he just lost track of time, lost in his thoughts, the hot water unable to keep his mind from wandering. Had Jack just come back to his because he was drunk? Did Jack even want him at all, or was he just a convenient dick to use? Why did Jack leave when Zack was asleep?

But there was no point trying to drown himself in the shower. He at least needed to talk to Rian first. With a groan, Zack left the bathroom, not bothering to cover himself with a towel or clothes. What? He was alone after all. It’s not like he could ignore that fact.

And when Zack picked up his phone, he inhaled sharply at all the notifications on the screen. Five missed calls. Two voicemails. One text. Zack immediately dialled his voicemail, chewing his bottom lip as it loaded.

“Damn it Zack,”

“I don’t know why you’re not answering your phone but I hope you’re okay. Call me back!”

Whoops. Zack deleted the voice messages, before reading the text.

From: Rian
To: Zack

I talked to Alex. You need to call me.

Zack mouth dried up quicker than a desert, and he sat down on his bed with a thump. Fuck. Rian had talked to Alex. And of course Alex knew something. Alex always knew something. Zack just knew it wouldn’t work out in his favour this time.

But he couldn’t put it off any longer. He needed to know why Jack had broken his heart with so little care. Zack dialled Rian’s number, which answered after only two rings.

“About time, jeez,”

“Sorry, I was in the shower,” Zack sighed.

“Hey, I’m really sorry,”

Well that confirmed it.

“So I slept with him then,” Zack muttered.

“Yeah. I don’t know all the details, because Alex is being incredibly loyal to Jack, but I do know some,”

“Go on then. Hit me with it. Why did Jack hump and dump?” Zack sighed.

“Don’t talk about yourself like that,”

Zack winced at the scolding in Rian’s tone, but smiled weakly. It was nice to know his friend cared.

“Sorry. What did Alex say?”

“All he said was that Jack called him, distraught and panicking, sobbing after leaving yours. And that Alex told Jack he didn’t approve of Jack leaving before you woke up,”

“Alex told Jack he didn’t approve? Why?” Zack frowned.

“Because Alex figured out how much you like Jack a long time ago,”

Zack just groaned. Damn it Alex.

“Of course he did. Fuck,”

“I’m sorry, Zack. I don’t know why Jack left, or why he went home with you in the first place if he ran like a coward afterwards…but I know how much you’re hurting,”

Zack’s smiled again, bitterly now.

“It hurts like hell,” Zack mumbled.

Like someone had ripped out his heart, and stomped on it.

“It just sucks that you won’t be able to confront him for a while too,”

“What do you mean? We’re back in on the 20th, on Monday,” Zack frowned.

“Not Jack – Alex said he’d already booked time off to visit his family for Christmas. He won’t be back until the 27th,”

Zack inhaled sharply. Over a week. Zack would have to feel like this for over a week.

“Fuck,” Zack whimpered.

“I’m sorry,”

Zack took a deep breath, shaking his head. “This isn’t your fault. I just…I guess I was just stupid, thinking he wanted me too, that me falling for my PA wasn’t just a stupid fantasy,”

Because that’s what it was at the end of the day, right?

“I think it’s more than that. I think Jack’s scared, and something has convinced him that he can’t like you. Hell, maybe he even thinks you’re not being serious, just toying with him. I don’t know. But I know it’s more than just hitting and quitting,”

Oh how Zack wished that was true.

“I guess I won’t find out until the 27th, huh?” Zack laughed humourlessly.

“Guess so,”

The two of them were silent for a moment or two, Zack just picking at the threads of his sheets under his bare thighs. He should probably put some clothes on. That would be productive.

“Look, I’ve got to go. Alex doesn’t know I’m telling you all this,”

Of course he doesn’t. But then again, deep down Alex must know.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you Monday,”

“Look after yourself, yeah? You’ll get through this,”

Zack just nodded, huffing out a breath. He wouldn’t have a choice. “Yeah, see you later,”

As soon as the call ended, Zack flopped down on his bed, not caring how exposed he was. He didn’t care. No-one cared. That was the problem here. Jack didn’t care.

And he had over a week to prepare himself for the hardest conversation of his life.