Anxious Hearts and Anxious Minds
Keep my fingers from making mistakes
(a week later)
'Jack? Are you okay babe?' I call, sitting up in bed,
'Yeah, I'm fine lex.' he answers,
'Where are you?' I ask,
'Bathroom. I'll be out in a minute.' he says quickly.
'Are you okay?' I ask when jack comes out, glancing at the clock, 01:24,
'Im fine.' he shrugs, I lift my duvet up and he walks over, getting into my bed next to me,
'Youre shaking.' I sigh,
'I'm fine baby.' he whispers, I bite my lip and kiss his forehead,
'you're not. What's wrong?' I breathe,
'Nothing Alex, just leave it.' he mutters, rolling over so his back is against my chest,
'You mean so much to me, I hate seeing you upset.' I whisper, kissing the back of his neck,
'Im sorry.' he sighs,
'For what baby?' I ask and he takes a shaky breath,
'I fucked up.' he whispers and I stroke his hip,
'Why baby? What did you do? What happened?' I ask, concerned,
'I cut Alex. I fucked up and I cut.' he says in a hushed voice and I gasp, oxygen rushing into my lungs far too quickly, 'Alex...' he whispers,
'Cant breathe.' I mumble, he sits up quickly and helps me up, rubbing my back gently,
'Its okay Alex. Just breathe baby, everything's okay. Don't panic on me, please.' he whimpers and I slowly take long, deep breaths, 'that's it baby. Stay calm.' Jack whispers, lacing his fingers with mine.
After a few minutes I look up into Jacks eyes, 'why didnt you tell me?' I ask,
'I didn't think it was important.' he sighs,
'Jack, I told you I'm recovering from an eating disorder and you didn't think to tell me you self harm?' I say quickly, tugging at my hair,
'I hadn't done it for three weeks before tonight.' he mumbles,
'Oh yeah because that makes all the difference. Why didn't you tell me?!' I snap,
'Shut up! This is why! You get so fucking stressed out!' he cries, his voice breaking as his eyes fill with tears, I look into the briefly before bursting into tears, 'shit Lex, don't cry baby.' he sniffs and hugs me tightly, resting his chin on my head,
'I love you Jack. I don't want you to hurt yourself.' I sob,
'Please stop crying.' he whispers in my ear,
'Sorry.' I mutter, pulling away from him and wiping his eyes, 'was it something I did? Did I lead you to do it?' I ask timidly,
'Oh god no Alex!' he gasps and I sigh in relief,
'Thank fuck. I'd hate myself if I upset you so much you had to hurt yourself.' I breathe,
'No, it wasn't your fault baby, everything was just piling up on me and I had to get away from it.' he sighs and I nod,
'I love you Jack. I love you so much. You need to stop this.' I whisper,
'I love you too.' he breathes.
'Jack? Are you okay babe?' I call, sitting up in bed,
'Yeah, I'm fine lex.' he answers,
'Where are you?' I ask,
'Bathroom. I'll be out in a minute.' he says quickly.
'Are you okay?' I ask when jack comes out, glancing at the clock, 01:24,
'Im fine.' he shrugs, I lift my duvet up and he walks over, getting into my bed next to me,
'Youre shaking.' I sigh,
'I'm fine baby.' he whispers, I bite my lip and kiss his forehead,
'you're not. What's wrong?' I breathe,
'Nothing Alex, just leave it.' he mutters, rolling over so his back is against my chest,
'You mean so much to me, I hate seeing you upset.' I whisper, kissing the back of his neck,
'Im sorry.' he sighs,
'For what baby?' I ask and he takes a shaky breath,
'I fucked up.' he whispers and I stroke his hip,
'Why baby? What did you do? What happened?' I ask, concerned,
'I cut Alex. I fucked up and I cut.' he says in a hushed voice and I gasp, oxygen rushing into my lungs far too quickly, 'Alex...' he whispers,
'Cant breathe.' I mumble, he sits up quickly and helps me up, rubbing my back gently,
'Its okay Alex. Just breathe baby, everything's okay. Don't panic on me, please.' he whimpers and I slowly take long, deep breaths, 'that's it baby. Stay calm.' Jack whispers, lacing his fingers with mine.
After a few minutes I look up into Jacks eyes, 'why didnt you tell me?' I ask,
'I didn't think it was important.' he sighs,
'Jack, I told you I'm recovering from an eating disorder and you didn't think to tell me you self harm?' I say quickly, tugging at my hair,
'I hadn't done it for three weeks before tonight.' he mumbles,
'Oh yeah because that makes all the difference. Why didn't you tell me?!' I snap,
'Shut up! This is why! You get so fucking stressed out!' he cries, his voice breaking as his eyes fill with tears, I look into the briefly before bursting into tears, 'shit Lex, don't cry baby.' he sniffs and hugs me tightly, resting his chin on my head,
'I love you Jack. I don't want you to hurt yourself.' I sob,
'Please stop crying.' he whispers in my ear,
'Sorry.' I mutter, pulling away from him and wiping his eyes, 'was it something I did? Did I lead you to do it?' I ask timidly,
'Oh god no Alex!' he gasps and I sigh in relief,
'Thank fuck. I'd hate myself if I upset you so much you had to hurt yourself.' I breathe,
'No, it wasn't your fault baby, everything was just piling up on me and I had to get away from it.' he sighs and I nod,
'I love you Jack. I love you so much. You need to stop this.' I whisper,
'I love you too.' he breathes.