It Was A Lie When They Smiled And Said You Won't Feel A Thing
Chapter 34: Fear Is Only In Our Minds
We woke up at 7:35. Not much sleep at all. I jumped up when I saw the clock and dragged Frank out of bed. We were both feeling a little better, not by much though. As soon as we looked at each other though, we both had a huge frown on our faces. We jogged to school, because we were a little off, time-wise.
We got to school and everyone was crowded around Bob. We joined the crowd and asked him what happened.
“I’ll be getting the surgery in a week. I’ll probably be in a hospital bed the night before and a few days after.”
We all nodded because none of us had the strength to say anything.
****LUNCH****
I met up with Frank at his locker and we headed off for our lunch spot. It all happened so fast. I sat down in between Corey and Frank. All of a sudden Kate got up and started to scream at me.
“What the hell! Why do you guys always talk about me and make fun of me?!?!” She screamed.
She was looking straight at me. I figured that she heard that from Cathleen because she was just talking to her.
“Whoa that was random!” I said calmly.
“I don’t care!”
I leaned over to Corey and said, “What did I do?”
She shrugged her shoulders and I turned to Kate.
“Are you mad at me?” She only gave me a look. A kind of ‘OF COURSE I AM YOU IDIOT!!!’ look.
“I see, but what did I do?”
“You always make fun of me!”
“Oh! And you don’t?!?!”
We both were standing now, and our voices were getting stronger and louder by the second.
“You always call me a freak! You always talk about bands and crap like that. Always guy stuff, why can’t we ever talk about clothes, or other girl stuff, we are girls!”
“Did it ever fucking occur to you that that’s not what we wanted to talk about!?!?! We love bands, and all that guy stuff! It doesn’t make us any less of a girl Kate! I mean did it ever fucking run through your fucking little mind!?!?!”
She didn’t answer. She just stared at me.
“So I heard the Yankees won last night! Yay!” said Gerard, trying to change the conversation.
“I hate you! You’re the worst friend I’ve ever had! I hate you!!!!!!!!!” she screamed.
“Ok I guess we’re not off that yet….” I turned to Gerard and mouthed the words ‘thank you for trying’ to him. I turned back to Kate and just looked at her. Soon she burst into tears and ran off, Cathleen fallowed her. I just stood there, staring. I’ve never been told ‘I hate you’ before.
It was a long time I was standing there. It had to be about five minutes. Finally I just dropped to my knees and cried. My sobs were so loud. Everyone was staring at me. All the guys, and Corey and Lindsey, came over to comfort me. Lindsey and Corey went to the bathroom to see if they could find Kate and calm her down.
Meanwhile the guys leaned me up against the oak tree and sat there. They all tried to comfort me with:
“Oh she didn’t mean that” or “She’s just overreacting” and even “She’s probably on her cycle day, she’ll get over it!” Which I had to admit, that one made me laugh!
Lindsey and Corey shortly came back with bad news.
“We tried to get her to come here, but she wouldn’t budge. What did you do to make her this upset?”
“That’s the problem! I don’t know!”
I leaned my head back on the tree trunk and sighed. All I could think was, ‘What the fuck. I didn’t do a thing. And this is not the time to do this.’
I think Kate went home that day. I, nor anyone else, saw her at all during the rest of the day. We all tried to call her after school, but couldn’t reach her. Her cell phone was off, and she changed her message. Instead of, “Hey this is Kate! Leave a message!”
It’s now, “Hey Kristen, don’t bother leaving me a message. Don’t try to talk to me. I hate you, and you now have nothing to do with my life, so just leave me alone!”
We were all walking home about 3:15-ish. I was so annoyed by Kate now. Then I thought that the only person I would ever feel comfortable talking about with this, is Danny, my brother.
As soon as that thought came to my mind I flipped open my cell phone and called his. He didn’t move down with my parents. He only lived about an hour away from Belleville.
“Hello?” answered a not so happy voice.
“Hey Danny! It’s Kristen!”
“Oh hey.” He sounded very tired.
“I got to talk to you. Is it ok if I stop by your apartment for an hour or so?”
“Sure, come by in about a half hour.”
“Ok great!”
I hung up my phone and looked at Frank. My brother loved Frank. They always talked about bands, and computers, and just regular guy stuff. I turned to the others.
“Hey, guys I’m going to be going to my bro’s house, so I can’t hang out today.”
“That’s ok Kristen. We’ll still try to get Kate for you.” Said Ray.
“Thanks! Frank? You want to come?”
“Oh, what, yea sure!” I suppose he had no idea what he agreed to. I giggled a little at his response, and then we headed off for my brother’s apartment by bus.
We got to school and everyone was crowded around Bob. We joined the crowd and asked him what happened.
“I’ll be getting the surgery in a week. I’ll probably be in a hospital bed the night before and a few days after.”
We all nodded because none of us had the strength to say anything.
****LUNCH****
I met up with Frank at his locker and we headed off for our lunch spot. It all happened so fast. I sat down in between Corey and Frank. All of a sudden Kate got up and started to scream at me.
“What the hell! Why do you guys always talk about me and make fun of me?!?!” She screamed.
She was looking straight at me. I figured that she heard that from Cathleen because she was just talking to her.
“Whoa that was random!” I said calmly.
“I don’t care!”
I leaned over to Corey and said, “What did I do?”
She shrugged her shoulders and I turned to Kate.
“Are you mad at me?” She only gave me a look. A kind of ‘OF COURSE I AM YOU IDIOT!!!’ look.
“I see, but what did I do?”
“You always make fun of me!”
“Oh! And you don’t?!?!”
We both were standing now, and our voices were getting stronger and louder by the second.
“You always call me a freak! You always talk about bands and crap like that. Always guy stuff, why can’t we ever talk about clothes, or other girl stuff, we are girls!”
“Did it ever fucking occur to you that that’s not what we wanted to talk about!?!?! We love bands, and all that guy stuff! It doesn’t make us any less of a girl Kate! I mean did it ever fucking run through your fucking little mind!?!?!”
She didn’t answer. She just stared at me.
“So I heard the Yankees won last night! Yay!” said Gerard, trying to change the conversation.
“I hate you! You’re the worst friend I’ve ever had! I hate you!!!!!!!!!” she screamed.
“Ok I guess we’re not off that yet….” I turned to Gerard and mouthed the words ‘thank you for trying’ to him. I turned back to Kate and just looked at her. Soon she burst into tears and ran off, Cathleen fallowed her. I just stood there, staring. I’ve never been told ‘I hate you’ before.
It was a long time I was standing there. It had to be about five minutes. Finally I just dropped to my knees and cried. My sobs were so loud. Everyone was staring at me. All the guys, and Corey and Lindsey, came over to comfort me. Lindsey and Corey went to the bathroom to see if they could find Kate and calm her down.
Meanwhile the guys leaned me up against the oak tree and sat there. They all tried to comfort me with:
“Oh she didn’t mean that” or “She’s just overreacting” and even “She’s probably on her cycle day, she’ll get over it!” Which I had to admit, that one made me laugh!
Lindsey and Corey shortly came back with bad news.
“We tried to get her to come here, but she wouldn’t budge. What did you do to make her this upset?”
“That’s the problem! I don’t know!”
I leaned my head back on the tree trunk and sighed. All I could think was, ‘What the fuck. I didn’t do a thing. And this is not the time to do this.’
I think Kate went home that day. I, nor anyone else, saw her at all during the rest of the day. We all tried to call her after school, but couldn’t reach her. Her cell phone was off, and she changed her message. Instead of, “Hey this is Kate! Leave a message!”
It’s now, “Hey Kristen, don’t bother leaving me a message. Don’t try to talk to me. I hate you, and you now have nothing to do with my life, so just leave me alone!”
We were all walking home about 3:15-ish. I was so annoyed by Kate now. Then I thought that the only person I would ever feel comfortable talking about with this, is Danny, my brother.
As soon as that thought came to my mind I flipped open my cell phone and called his. He didn’t move down with my parents. He only lived about an hour away from Belleville.
“Hello?” answered a not so happy voice.
“Hey Danny! It’s Kristen!”
“Oh hey.” He sounded very tired.
“I got to talk to you. Is it ok if I stop by your apartment for an hour or so?”
“Sure, come by in about a half hour.”
“Ok great!”
I hung up my phone and looked at Frank. My brother loved Frank. They always talked about bands, and computers, and just regular guy stuff. I turned to the others.
“Hey, guys I’m going to be going to my bro’s house, so I can’t hang out today.”
“That’s ok Kristen. We’ll still try to get Kate for you.” Said Ray.
“Thanks! Frank? You want to come?”
“Oh, what, yea sure!” I suppose he had no idea what he agreed to. I giggled a little at his response, and then we headed off for my brother’s apartment by bus.