Letting Go of the Nights

They had spent the whole day cuddled together and talking and laughing and kissing and watching dumb movies and eating anything they could find and on Kellin's part, a lot of blushing. Which Vic absolutely loved. Kellin had always blushed easily that Vic thought sometimes that maybe it was some kind of condition. But he only blushed when he was around Vic and he didn't know why but he felt something akin to relief in his chest upon finding that out.

Presently, they were watching the third High School Musical movie and Troy and Gabriella were doing their big number dancing and singing on the school roof in the rain. Vic smiled. He always wanted to do that with Kellin. To see his wet hair matted over his forehead and his pale skin underneath crystal drops of rain and to have an excuse to hold him tighter so that he won't slip because of the puddles under their wet shoes. He wanted to twirl Kellin around, the lyrics they danced to the beat of spilling out of their lips. He looked at Kellin, warm and happy and so close to him and he thought, damn, he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with this boy.

Vic guessed Kellin felt him staring so he looked at him, a light blush and an adorable shy smile on his face. It's crazy to think that after how many years, he can still make Kellin flustered. Vic leaned in close to press his lips against Kellin's. The kiss was as innocent as can be, just lips touching lips, but it told so much.

But when Kellin's phone rang, they broke apart. He shifted in Vic's hold to get his phone from his pocket. Vic looked at him and it was almost subconsciously that his face fell a bit.

Kellin unlocked his phone and pressed it to his ear. "Hey."

Vic just held his hand tighter.

"Jack, I. . .yeah, I know it's late. I'm sorry, it's just. . .okay, yeah. I've been at Vic's. . .actually, Jack--okay. I'll go now. Bye." Kellin sighed after he hung up. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and snuggled deeper into Vic.

Vic still hadn't stopped looking at him. "That was Jack?"

Kellin lay his head on Vic's shoulder, eyes fixated on the movie. "I don't want to leave."

Vic smiled softly and tilted Kellin's chin so that he'd look at him. He leaned down to press an innocent, sweet kiss to Kellin's perfect lips. He'd never get tired of kissing him. Kissing Kellin was like alcohol. He wanted shots and sips and big gulps and he wanted to just drown himself in Kellin.

He pulled back sooner than he would have liked and when he looked at Kellin, the younger boy was staring at his lips. Vic almost chuckled before he kissed Kellin again and Kellin deepened the kiss, moving so that he was sitting on Vic's lap, much like this morning but instead of crying, he was kissing Vic with everything he had in him.

Vic's hands rested on Kellin's sides and Kellin's hands were on Vic's chest, fingertips just barely brushing the bottom of the tanned man's collarbones as they kissed roughly and passionately. Their lips would pull back and reconnect just seconds apart each, making a barely audible sound every time. Vic pulled back and kissed Kellin's bottom lip a few times before Kellin's hands slid up his chest, arms stretched out and elbows resting on Vic's shoulders and recapturing the plump lips with his own. Vic held him impossibly close as they stayed like that for god knows how long.

Kellin was the one who pulled away first, breathing heavily, face flushed and lips swollen but smiling widely. "I love you, Vic."

The older man smiled fondly, "I love you more, Kells. But. . .you have to go. Jack's gonna get-"

"It doesn't matter," Kellin said, "I'm going to break it off with him anyway."

Vic shook his head, "When you say it like that, it sounds really really cruel."

"Does 'I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone I don't love' sound any better?"

"No," Vic said quietly, "it doesn't."

Kellin smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes, "Well, there you go."

Vic pulled Kellin down to kiss him again, on the lips, on his cheeks, on his nose, lips touching every inch of Kellin's face. The younger boy giggled and when Vic kissed just above his eyelid, he pulled away, smiling wider. "I do have to go though."

Vic nodded and Kellin climbed off of his lap walking past the little coffee table in front of them and past the kitchen and to the door, Vic following suit. Vic opened the door for Kellin and the latter just rolled his eyes at the overly cheesy gesture. One step away from the apartment and Kellin turned around to face Vic again. "When will I see you again?"

Vic sighed, taking Kellin's hand and twining their fingers, linking them tightly as if it were the last time they'd be able to do this. "I don't know. Maybe. . .maybe when it's all over with Jack or?"

Kellin nodded. "I'll break it to him tomorrow. He gets a bit cranky at night."

Vic frowned and he knew he shouldn't be jealous but it just really bugged him that Kellin knew Jack so well. That he knew all the mannerisms and little details about someone else so well. "Okay."

Kellin may have noticed the change in Vic's mood so he leaned up and gave him a kiss, pulling away shortly after. "Bye."

But Vic didn't want to say goodbye.

"I love you."

And he said that because he wanted those words to be the last Kellin hears before he leaves. Because he wanted to see Kellin blush like he always did when he heard him say that. Because he did love Kellin and that was the absolute truth. Because he wanted to make sure that this was all real.

"I love you too."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Jack, but-"

"Is this for real?!"

Kellin had a scared expression on his face. He was sat on the couch in he and Jack's moderately large apartment while Jack stood in front of him, his face a mix of anger and confusion and pain.

"Jack, it's not you. You've been great, you've been amazing to me and I really, really appreciate that-"

"But what?! I gave you everything, Kellin."

"But I don't love you. I'm sorry, Jack, I tried. I tried so very hard but I can't ever let go of Vic," Kellin couldn't even look at Jack at this point. He was too afraid of the absolute pain that was bound to be in his eyes.

"He cheated on you. How can you still go back to him when he just basically flat out told you you weren't good enough for him?!"

"Jack, shut up!" Kellin snapped. "You can't force me to stay with you."

Jack's features softened and the pain in his eyes was inevitable. And suddenly, it seemed as if his legs couldn't hold him up anymore so he sat on the part of the couch farthest from Kellin. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees and hands covering his face. "You said yes. You said you'd stay with me."

Kellin sighed, looking at the ring on his finger. It was a simple silver band, small diamonds around it. It was beautiful. And very, very expensive. It was a waste of money now though. He took it off, the piece of jewelry sliding off his finger easily, like it was too big for him. He placed it next to Jack.

"It was a dumb thing of me to do to say yes," Kellin said, almost a whisper. "I'm really sorry, Jack."

And then finally, silent cries and sobs were coming from Jack's direction, broad shoulders shaking and body slumped. Kellin wondered if he should go and comfort him but that might make it harder for Jack to let go. He didn't deserve this, didn't deserve someone who didn't love him with their whole heart. This was for the best. Even if to Jack, it didn't seem like it at the moment.

"I'll get my stuff and, uh. . .leave," Kellin said and stood up and made his way to their room, feeling really bad for leaving Jack there, crying his heart out. Breaking someone's heart was a horrible feeling. Knowing that he was the reason Jack was so broken and full of sorrow right now, the feeling was something he never wanted to have again.

As he packed his stuff, he wondered if this is how Vic felt when he caught him kissing Jaime at that party. But. . .Vic didn't mean to hurt him, not like how he meant to hurt Jack by doing this to him. Vic wasn't in his right mind, he was intoxicated and dizzy and wasn't thinking straight and right now, Kellin wondered if he himself was thinking straight.

He was a mess of emotions, pity the strongest.

He did care for Jack and he didn't want someone he cared for hurting this much. Jack did give him everything. He comforted him after the whole thing with Vic and he waited for so long for Kellin. He did everything he could so that Kelllin could move on. He stayed up on long nights with him, the shorter boy crying and saying words that would get muffled in his shirt. He was always there when Kellin needed him and Jack understood him. He understood the heartbreak that Kellin went through with Vic and that made the comfort even better.

Jack was an amazing person and the guilt that ate at his insides were tearing him apart. It felt wrong to leave Jack for the person who broke his heart and cheated on him. But the events of yesterday just showed that Vic was very sorry and that he changed.

And not to mention, the butterflies that filled Kellin's stomach whenever he saw Vic made it hard for him to stay away.

He finished packing, a big bag on each hand and he went out of their room. He walked down the hall and then Jack called his name. "Kellin?"

His head snapped to the couch, to where Jack still was. "Yeah?"

"D-did I. . .did I do something wrong?"

Kellin's face fell at the words. How could he think he did anything wrong? After the sweet words and bouquets of roses and comforting words at two in the morning, that's what he thought this was? Kellin dropped the bags and rushed to Jack's side, sitting gingerly on the couch. "No, Jack. You didn't do anything. Don't ever think you did anything wrong. I know how much effort you put into me and how much you care about me and not once have you ever done anything to hurt me."

". . .why don't you love me?"

Kellin frowned at the absolute heartbreak on Jack's face, barely being able to stand looking at it. He didn't just look like a kicked puppy. He looked like a puppy that was kicked, yelled at and abandoned at the side of the street. He sighed.

"It's not your fault, Jack, that I don't love you. It's just. . .it's always been Vic for me. He's always been the one and he hurt me, I know, but I went to his place yesterday and he really does regret what he did. He told me that he still loved me and that what he did has been just eating away at him and that I was all he could think about," Kellin said softly. "Truth is, I still do love him and I think. . .I think I just got into a relationship with you to try and see if I'd learn to love you and just get over Vic. But I really can't. And it was really dumb of me to say yes. I really am sorry, Jack."

Jack didn't speak for a while, as if breathing in the words Kellin had said and the look on his face was as if each word he breathed in scarred his lungs.

". . .I just want you to be happy, Kellin. You've always been my first priority and if Vic makes you happy then. . .go."

Kellin gave him a sympathetic smile and nodded slowly. He got up and picked up his backs but before he could reach the door, he felt arms around his waist and then Jack whispered something in his ear from behind him. "I love you."

Kellin turned around and dropped his bags to hug Jack back. "I know."