Status: I loved writing this! I hope you love reading it :)
Remembering Sunday
1/1
If Alex had to describe what he felt at that moment, he would have described it as if he felt his heart was glass, and it shattered into a million tiny fragments.
You'd think that a shattered heart might be somewhat possible to fix, with a bit of love. No. The only love Alex needs is in the form of a skunk-haired, lanky teenage boy. The same one who he would spend hours talking to during sleepovers, eating pizza and jamming with along with their two best friends.
For some reason, he always felt closer to the younger boy than the other members of their band. Maybe it had to do with his laugh, or the way he slept at night - Alex just didn't know.
The elder couldn't even escape the skunk-haired boy in his dreams.
It's enough to drive Alex crazy.
It felt all but natural to Alex when he admitted his love for his best friend one night, he remembers it like it was yesterday, can remember the butterflies filling his gut.
Alex thought he did something wrong, the way his best friend started ignoring him. Only when he talked to the younger boy did he get an answer.
"I don't love you, Alex."
Of course, like it should, that hurt Alex to the point of breaking. He continued to put on a happy face, although he was falling apart inside.
Alex wanted to talk to the younger boy so desperately, wanted to know what Jack was thinking and feeling, but couldn't get through to the younger boy.
Little did he know, his best friend felt the same way. It was the commitment of a relationship that scared the younger boy, it scared him enough to stop seeing Alex, not returning calls or texts, nothing.
It may seem like he was over-reacting, but no, that was nothing to do with it. He was scared that Alex would find out about his problems. No one wants a broken soul that cant be mended, right?
-
It was a rainy, horrible Wednesday morning when Alex finally got a call from his best friend.
He didn't expect it to be a goodbye, though.
-
Alex couldn't attend the funeral. Not even for his best friend. Instead he read the familiar hand writing on the tear stained page, over and over, so many times that the words constantly flew around in his head. His parents had handed Alex the letter, saying it was addressed to him from the younger boy.
Dear Alex,
I wish I could have said goodbye in person. I know this must be hard, but it was hard for me too.
I wish I could have told you what I truly felt, that to me, you were always more than my best friend. More than my band mate. More than a cuddle buddy and a person to share pizza with. I was scared, Alex. Scared you'd see what I'm truly like. Scared to commit to a relationship, knowing I could hurt you at any moment.
It wasn't your fault, Alex. None of it was. I couldn't talk to you, I thought you would have laughed at how weak I was, that I couldn't even keep myself alive. It was terrible, what I did. Truly. What I put you through, everything. You never deserved it, and I hope your life is full of happiness and joy, now that I'm not in it to ruin it.
Remember, I'll be keeping an eye on the world for you, now that I'm at home in the clouds.
Love,
Jack.
Alex desperately wished he could believe Jack: believe him when he says it isn't his fault.
If it's not Alex's fault, then who's is it?
What if he never admitted his feelings to his best friend? What if he never met Jack? Jack would be alive and happy, especially if the two of them never met.
God, Alex has never wanted to hug the younger boy more than this moment. He wanted the comfort that his best friend brings, the way he twirled his fingers in his hair that always made him relax.
He just wants his best friend back.
-
Alex couldn't stop himself from seeing the younger boy everywhere. It didn't help that he had pictures of him on his desk and bedside table. He wishes he could hold his hand again. Just have a normal, joking conversation with him again.
He needs him.
-
It was weeks later, after copious amounts of time spent in bed due to lack of motivation and drinking his body weight in alcohol, that Alex picked up his song book and began writing, messily getting down the lyrics swirling his mind.
He didn't even notice how thin his hands were now.
Alex was weirdly exhausted after he finished writing, almost like his brain had been wiped of all words except the ones he wrote down. He scanned the page, knowing instantly who this song was about. He wrote two words as the title.
Remembering Sunday.
That's when the walls broke. The constant blank that Alex held up in front of friends and family fell, and he crawled under the covers of his bed, hair sticking to his cheeks as he cried, and he continued like that for what felt like forever. He cried for his best friend, the memories, the lost love, the pain the younger one was going through, everything he had been holding back until that moment.
Why did you leave me alone in this world?
I'm broken without you.
I miss you so much.
I love you, Jack.
You'd think that a shattered heart might be somewhat possible to fix, with a bit of love. No. The only love Alex needs is in the form of a skunk-haired, lanky teenage boy. The same one who he would spend hours talking to during sleepovers, eating pizza and jamming with along with their two best friends.
For some reason, he always felt closer to the younger boy than the other members of their band. Maybe it had to do with his laugh, or the way he slept at night - Alex just didn't know.
The elder couldn't even escape the skunk-haired boy in his dreams.
It's enough to drive Alex crazy.
It felt all but natural to Alex when he admitted his love for his best friend one night, he remembers it like it was yesterday, can remember the butterflies filling his gut.
Alex thought he did something wrong, the way his best friend started ignoring him. Only when he talked to the younger boy did he get an answer.
"I don't love you, Alex."
Of course, like it should, that hurt Alex to the point of breaking. He continued to put on a happy face, although he was falling apart inside.
Alex wanted to talk to the younger boy so desperately, wanted to know what Jack was thinking and feeling, but couldn't get through to the younger boy.
Little did he know, his best friend felt the same way. It was the commitment of a relationship that scared the younger boy, it scared him enough to stop seeing Alex, not returning calls or texts, nothing.
It may seem like he was over-reacting, but no, that was nothing to do with it. He was scared that Alex would find out about his problems. No one wants a broken soul that cant be mended, right?
-
It was a rainy, horrible Wednesday morning when Alex finally got a call from his best friend.
He didn't expect it to be a goodbye, though.
-
Alex couldn't attend the funeral. Not even for his best friend. Instead he read the familiar hand writing on the tear stained page, over and over, so many times that the words constantly flew around in his head. His parents had handed Alex the letter, saying it was addressed to him from the younger boy.
Dear Alex,
I wish I could have said goodbye in person. I know this must be hard, but it was hard for me too.
I wish I could have told you what I truly felt, that to me, you were always more than my best friend. More than my band mate. More than a cuddle buddy and a person to share pizza with. I was scared, Alex. Scared you'd see what I'm truly like. Scared to commit to a relationship, knowing I could hurt you at any moment.
It wasn't your fault, Alex. None of it was. I couldn't talk to you, I thought you would have laughed at how weak I was, that I couldn't even keep myself alive. It was terrible, what I did. Truly. What I put you through, everything. You never deserved it, and I hope your life is full of happiness and joy, now that I'm not in it to ruin it.
Remember, I'll be keeping an eye on the world for you, now that I'm at home in the clouds.
Love,
Jack.
Alex desperately wished he could believe Jack: believe him when he says it isn't his fault.
If it's not Alex's fault, then who's is it?
What if he never admitted his feelings to his best friend? What if he never met Jack? Jack would be alive and happy, especially if the two of them never met.
God, Alex has never wanted to hug the younger boy more than this moment. He wanted the comfort that his best friend brings, the way he twirled his fingers in his hair that always made him relax.
He just wants his best friend back.
-
Alex couldn't stop himself from seeing the younger boy everywhere. It didn't help that he had pictures of him on his desk and bedside table. He wishes he could hold his hand again. Just have a normal, joking conversation with him again.
He needs him.
-
It was weeks later, after copious amounts of time spent in bed due to lack of motivation and drinking his body weight in alcohol, that Alex picked up his song book and began writing, messily getting down the lyrics swirling his mind.
He didn't even notice how thin his hands were now.
Alex was weirdly exhausted after he finished writing, almost like his brain had been wiped of all words except the ones he wrote down. He scanned the page, knowing instantly who this song was about. He wrote two words as the title.
Remembering Sunday.
That's when the walls broke. The constant blank that Alex held up in front of friends and family fell, and he crawled under the covers of his bed, hair sticking to his cheeks as he cried, and he continued like that for what felt like forever. He cried for his best friend, the memories, the lost love, the pain the younger one was going through, everything he had been holding back until that moment.
Why did you leave me alone in this world?
I'm broken without you.
I miss you so much.
I love you, Jack.
♠ ♠ ♠
I wrote this at one o'clock in the morning, and I felt sad and wanted to take my mind of things, so I wrote this short Jalex story.It is quite obviously based on All Time Low's song, Remembering Sunday, and if you pick up little hints of the lyrics in there then you're rad 8-)
I hope you like it :)))