Viva La Gloria II: 21st Century Breakdown

I laid awake in bed tonight. Staring up at my dark ceiling in wonder. What kind of cruel world was this where innocent people get their hearts ripped out by their crushes that they can never have? I felt like that right now... Crushed.

I knew I needed sleep. But my mind was racing too much. I kept allowing those moments to replay through my head. I don't think Vanessa recognized me actually, I had dark blond hair the last time I had seen her. My natural hair color... I unconsciously wrapped a strand of my layered black hair around my finger. Wondering of what could of been had I broken up their conversation. I came up with a couple different scenarios in my head. But they all basically ended the same... Billie yelling at me to butt out. His life was none of my business and maybe that's exactly what I need to do. Just... Leave him alone. In that way anyways... I could still be friends with him and the others. But leave it at that, don't be anything more then friends. That's how trouble starts. I really felt broken and I hadn't felt like this since Myriah left. The big piece of my life was starting to fade and loose it's color. I.. I couldn't even make myself believe that I ever caress so much now. Now that I had a replacement. But I knew all too well already that if I let this to beyond friends, I'll be in a world of hurt again. and to be honest, I don't think I could take another heartbreak like that...

I rolled over onto my side and stared at my open bedroom door. From here I could see the dark hallways on the other side of the living room. His dark bedroom door closed. I wondered like the stupid girl I was if he was lying awake thinking the same things. Probably not. I mean he just got out of a 15 year marriage. So I doubt that he wants some spunky 25 year old who can't avoid fights and is accident prone.
I rolled over so I faced my sliding glass door that went out into my back yard. I didn't want to stare at his bedroom door thinking about rather or bot he thought the same things.
It was stupid, irrational and completely a waste o time I have invested in this whole thing. But if I can say one good thing about this whole thing is that when I was ten, music was a dangerously open invitation. I took it without much hesitation. And well, even Though we didn't even know each other, he was there for me. They all were in fact. I let them be my saviors and gave up on any means of what I would call self made happiness.
I smiled slightly as I actually allowed a few of my happiest moments fill my mind and lull me to sleep. Only to find it a dreadful regret tomorrow...

I was gone at eight the following morning. I didn't want to risk them over hearing my song for the festival tonight so I figured that I'd practice later. They were all still asleep as I slipped out the front door and made my way out my front gate. Across the street to Pioneer park. And skipped like a little girl across the camp grounds that were very crowded towards the entertainment center. I was happy here. Genuinely which is rare for me. Sheerly Oliver's was there. Well of course she was, she was the director of the festival. She and her husband Robin were setting ip stage stuff. I wanted to help, but I really needed to think first. So I zig zagged trough the campers and tents in the small campground and practically ran to the shadows of the trees. Instantly greeted by the bubbling sound of the water running by in the small river.
I closed my eyes and breathed in the warm river smell. Opening then to go hike to my log.

I felt a little weird there. Having come there to think about Billie when the last time I was here, I had been with Billie...
I looked out upon the glittering water. The sun was out and hot already. Not one single cloud in the sky.

I was wearing something comfortable and made me feel happy. Sunset orange high tops, a pair of denim shorts and a grey tank top. My hair left down instead of being in a pony tail. I looked out, really there was nothing to think about. But really just review and move on. Or maybe it was more of the fact that I just wanted to be alone. But I couldn't have that... No I could never have that.

“Nice day isn't it?” I heard someone say. Not from the direction I'd been expecting nor the person.
I spun around in surprise. A man, taller then me with shaggy blond hair and ice blue eyes. Really angular sharp nose and fairly muscular hid out beneath the foliage of the branches on East 12th. Merely twelve feet away.

“Um, yes it is.” I stuttered out in surprise

“So how have you been Gloria? I know it's been a while.”

I noticed just how recognizable this guy was but I couldn't place a name because it had been so long and he had changed a lot. But however this guy was without a doubt apart of my biggest memory of my childhood. Therefor I could never forget him... No, I never could.

“Quinton?” I choked out. I can't imagine this being a good thing or more so a bad thing that he was here at all. Especially after the ruins he left my sister in.
he should be ashamed to even be back on Torrington. But oddly, I was finding myself realize how much I'd missed his friendly presence.

He really didn't look any different considering all the years. Fifteen years ago I found myself actually missing him how now, fifteen years later, I want to punch in in the stomach and yell at him for the smoldering ashes he left my family in with my broken sister. He actually very much deserves it.

He seemed appeased as he walked over the fallen logs and sat down beside me upon the log. But I somehow cringed as he did so. It was like he was sitting on the spirit of Billie that lingered in the spot he now sat. Childish and cliché as it may seem, that's how I felt.

I brushed my fingertips against the sun bleached bark of the log. Which had been here for so long I'm not quite sure how it ever really got there. The water which was a dark aqua glistened the color of pristine white. The sky was the same color it always is, blue. From horizon to horizon. All the same mass of that bright, beautiful blue.
I had no words to say to him. Though he had amazingly made my life better by introducing me to Green Day. I wanted to resent him. Let him go and forget I ever  saw him again. There was nothing left to say between us. Every word we had had vanished because well, he was not my friend anymore. No, he's the foreign Quinton Myers that I once spoke to on a daily basis and was my second best friend to Myriah.

“I don't expect you to forgive me.” he said out loud suddenly. “Or... Her.” he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye.
“But you've gotta understand that I left Torrington to better her. I was apparently dragging her down, I—”

“Haven't you done enough?” I suddenly snapped at him. “congratulations! Instead of you bringing her down, she fell down on her own. You ripped her heart out and left her alone! You didn't call, you just... Left.” I paused “And so do you see what  'positive' effect the whole thing had on me?” I said sarcastically.

His eyes landed upon my obvious points of change. The black hair, the green day tattoos that have more meaning to me then most of my memories. The way I talked with such bitter resentment of the past. How I spat angry comments at him because of what he did to me! If he hadn't left in the first fucking place, I wouldn't be here. I'd be happily at peace one hundred percent with my sister and family. I'd still have blond hair and I'd live in the better off neighborhoods up by the airport. I'd actually have some good friends. I would want to stay as far away from the stinky moist mess the river was and I'd be happy. Always at ease. But I'm never at ease. Not completely, I am at rest when I am here and I am at peace when I'm talking to Green Day, but never ever at ease. My spirit lurches at the opportunities to present my happiest memories in my dreams each night. Showcasing them to me of what and who I was. And the fact that I could never be her again, was crushing.

I let out a choked, airless squeak of a sigh.

It's gone forever. But never too late. I could fix myself and do what I should be doing. But I never could convince myself as much. It'd Hurt too much to leave this life behind now.

“Are you going to the festival?” he asked like nothing had happened between us. I just stared at him for a few seconds. 

“I'm performing actually.”

He nodded with a big smile on his face. Suddenly he hopped to his feet.

“I'll see you around then.” and he bounded off up the trail leaving me wondering whatever happened.

I was walking back towards the Entertainment Center around nine thirty and shortly after my run in with my old bestie from fifteen years ago. I was at the edge of the building when I heard a familiar voice. I paused and leaned up against the cold brick wall instantly guilty of eavesdropping.

“Well I don't know, she hasn't said anything to you?” Billie asked Robin as he helped life a amp out of the back of the horse trailer they use to haul all their equipment with.

Robin shrugged “No not really. I saw her this morning. Walking across the campgrounds towards the river, and well I'm sure you know as well as I do that that, that is her thinking place.” Robin chuckled as they set it down in the grass. They had a construction crew come in and was building a waist high makeshift stage for tonight. Much bigger then the one we had last time.
I swallowed back in fear, for two reasons. One being the huge crowd I'd be certain to face tonight thanks to Green Day. And two, what was Billie saying? Surely they were talking about me right? Robin's description of how I'd been this morning were exact.

“Guess your right... I just feel like I don't even know her, like... I don't know, like she's real distant.”

Robin chuckled as I watched them carry out a other amp.
“That's Gloria alright. Here, let's get that last amp.”

My heart was in my throat. I slammed back against the brick wall again. Trying to grasp... Billie speaking of me behind my back?... It couldn't be good. He called me distant... I grimaced as I looked down upon the ground. There was nothing I could do to change how he saw me. But I guess I'll play along with it for now.
I turned around and walked around the building, going to help Sheerly get some boxes from her red pickup truck along the curb.

“Hey Sheerly.” I smiled and waved as I approached her. She smiled and did the same back. Then glanced down upon the cardboard box in her lap. It was filled with colorful flyers.

“Hey Gloria, would you like a little task?” she beamed.

“...Sure.” I said warily. Before I could get in another word, she shoved the box into my arms and hopped off the tail gate of the pickup.

“Go hang those up around the perimeter of the entire park, hang them where they'll gather attention.” she grinned before jogging over to Robin with a map in her hand and was explaining something to him. I didn't  see Billie anywhere and had no idea where he had run off too. I didn't stick around to long to figure it out though, I took the box in my hands and started up past the play equipment to the street where I pinned my first one to a lamppost with a thumb tack. 

I pinned them all up all over up and down the street. I looked down at the emerald colored grass around my orange converse. The sky remained bright, happy blue and I was silently praying it'd stay that way.
I still had around twenty flyers in my box so I went searching for more places to put them.

I walked up and down the sidewalk and finally mustered the guys to walk to Main Street market to pin up a few on the bulletin board and on street lights.
The road was mostly empty for the first block. Its about three blocks there though. A bunch of nice little houses sat along the road all the way there. The occasional car would pass on the street and I'd continue on. A little voice in the back of my head told me I should have invited Billie to tag along, he'd been good company.
I shrugged it off and preserved onward up the remainder of the third block.

When I got inside of the small grocery store, I went left, straight to the deli where there was a little spot to have coffee there. The bulletin board hung on the wall next to a windows. I pulled a blue thumbtack out of the cork board and pinned up a fluorescent orange flyer up. Standing back and looking up at it to get a good look at what the flyer actually said.

Wake Me Up Music Festival

Pioneer Park Entertainment Center at 4:30.

Special guests: Green Day

And over twenty five different local acts!

I felt a little burned that Green Day was on I at all.
I mean because I've come to the talent festivals every year to see all the acts. But not to see some big shot Californian based band preform. Don't get me wrong, I love Green Day more than my own heart beat. They've become family to me really. But for everyone in town to come only because of them seems a little selfish.

I decided that I was done playing traveling advertisement, so I dumped the remainder of the neon flyers into the dumpster outside the grocery store and dangled the box from my hand as I walked back to the park.

That's where it all began, now let's see if it's where it ends.