All My Heart

“You’re back!” Garcia screeches, rushing to the thin doctor entering the office. His light, almost hesitant laughter fills the air for a moment as he awkwardly embraces Garcia back.
“Welcome back, kid,” Morgan greets, tossing a pen casually towards his head.
“You look great, Reid,” Alex chimes in from the desk across from mine.
“Thanks,” Reid answers. He sets his leather bag on his desk and glances up at me in my desk, kitty-corner to his. “Morning, Juliet,” he greets just as casually as he would at lunch.
“Good morning, Reid,” I reply.
“Spence!” We all turn as JJ bounds down the steps. Reid might even hug her before she does him, but it’s hard to tell. “Welcome back.”
“Thanks, JJ.”
“How are you?”
He nods slowly as he pulls out the contents of his bag and situates them on his desk. “I’m getting there.” JJ smiles, and Garcia winks at me.
The mood in the office is amazing to say the least. Everyone is cheery, happy, and goofing off as if no one was ever hurt or there weren’t any cases that killed our faith in humanity. It kind of sinks in to me that this is really all we have. Each other. We’re a family, and we stick it out through rough times.
A crumpled up piece of paper hits my shoulder, pulling me from my thoughts. “Hey, princess,” Morgan laughs, “thanks for joining us.” Which reminds me, they know.
I chuck the piece of paper back at him. “Pleasure’s all mine, Morg.” He glares at me, clicking the pen in his hand.
“I hate that name.”
“Oh, what’s the matter, baby boy?” I tease. The bullpen fills with our laughter, and Morgan launches the pen at me. I dodge it and roll my eyes, opening up my files. “Some mentor you are. Look at what you’re teaching me!”
Midway through the morning, I head to get more coffee. Reid is pouring himself a new cup just as I enter. “Hey.”
He looks up as he sets the coffee pot down. “Hey…look, I-I want to thank you for everything. I don’t know if I would be here…”
I shrug. “But you’re here. With your family. So, don’t worry about it.”
“It’s just, you always had the right things to say.”
“Call it charisma.” I shrug and fill my cup.
“Or call it wisdom.” I stop pouring and turn to him.
“Maybe you and I are a lot more alike than you think, Reid.” With that, I pick up my coffee and head back to my desk.

I lean against the table and stare at the evidence board. “What are we missing?” Reid just runs a hand through his hair.
“The profile just doesn’t fit. I think it’s wrong,” he admits. I shake my head in a silent disagreement. “Then what do you think?” I think his words come off a little more accusatorily than he means them to.
“Maybe we’re dealing with two unsubs.”
“But Garcia said the surveillance tapes show the same person.” I nod as we fall into a thoughtful silence, both of our minds racing. I mean, how could someone go from one location to another in fifteen minutes when they’re an hour away from each other. But, it’s still the same person—physically anyways. Physically.
“Twins,” I state, pounding my fist onto the table in my revelation. “It looks like the same person, but really, they’re twins.”
Reid’s already on his phone. “Garcia, narrow down the list of possible unsubs to everyone who has an identical twin…Got it. Thanks, Garcia.” He hangs up the phone. “We’ve got our unsubs.”
I phone Hotch and deliver the information, and Reid and I meet the team to make the arrest, which runs smoothly. We’re on our short drive back from Baltimore in no time, and Morgan’s insisting we all go out for drinks.
“Oh, come on, pretty boy. Jules might need a ride home again,” Morgan teases, shoving my shoulder.
“Again? I drove your drunk ass home last time,” I scoff.
“Alright,” Reid agrees, following us out of the office.
I take a seat across from Reid at the small, square table our team claimed earlier. “What’s up?” I ask him.
He shrugs, lifts the short glass to his lips, and takes a sip of the golden brown liquid. “Call it first case back jitters.”
“Or call it depression. Either way, it’s probably the same thing.”
He lets out an almost insulted laugh while shaking his head. “I just…I kept seeing her in place of those other victims. I can’t get it out of my head, Juliet. It’s driving me absolutely insane.” At that, he finishes off his glass and rises to his feet. “Can I get you another drink?”
I glance down at my half empty glass of Miller and politely shake my head. He heads off to the bar, and I watch everything he does—from the way he walks to the tip he leaves in the bartender’s glass (which is rather large, might I add).
He takes his seat across from me again. “It’s okay to be upset, you know.”
“I am upset, but I’m more than just upset. I’m angry.” He shakes his head and stares down at his drink. “She didn’t have to kill her. If I could have gotten there sooner, if I could have figured her out sooner—“
“Reid, don’t blame yourself.” He buries his face in his hands.
“It’s not fair. I finally found someone, and she was ripped out of my hands.” I chew on the inside of my lip. “Finally, someone who didn’t care that I haven’t a clue how relationships work. She didn’t care that I might be the world’s most socially awkward man…” He takes a deep breath and rubs his eyes before lifting his face from his hands.
“You’re right. It’s not fair at all, but some of the worst things happen in our lives to make us better.”
“Other than hospitalizing my mother, this was the worst thing to ever happen to me.” He lifts the glass to his lips and takes a large gulp, wincing as the liquid burns down his throat.
I reach across the table and rest my hand on his arm. “It’s not going to make it any better. Sure, it’ll numb the pain for tonight, but it’s not going to fix anything.”
“I don’t want it to fix anything. I just want to feel better now.” He goes to lift the glass again, but I cover it with my hand and force it back down.
“Trust me, Reid. That’s not a path you want to go down.” He sighs and pushes the glass towards me.
“I just want to forget about it and move on with my life, but I can’t. It was the first glimpse of love that I’ve ever gotten. I couldn’t even hold onto it. I’m thirty, and I’m not getting any younger—”
“If you’re worried you’re not going to find someone else, there are seven billion people in the world. There’s bound to be someone out there who will love you for you.”
“Yeah, there was. Now she’s dead,” he spits, pulling the glass back towards him.
My heart aches for him; it really does. I feel like now isn’t the time to tell him what I went through and how I coped because it’s not something I want to relive. It’s not something I’m proud of.
But I’m still going to say it anyways.
“When I was in college,” I begin, “I met this guy, Luke, and he was perfect for me. We started dating, and I’d never felt love like that ever in my life.” I turn my attention to Reid’s fingers tracing the rim of his glass to my hands. “And I was out of town with my sorority when I got a phone call that he had gone out to the bars with some of his friends, got in a street fight, and got himself killed.”
I look up at Reid, and his face is softened with realization.
“And I was so mad at him because how could he be that stupid? Not only that but he left me high and dry.”
“It’s a little different,” he mutters.
“I’m not saying it’s the same, but I know how it feels to have your heart ripped from your chest. I haven’t dated since him. Hell, I’m still trying to move on with my life, and it’s still not easy. It’s just not as hard as it was.”
“Is that what made you want to join the FBI?”
I nod. “Yeah, they never caught who killed him. Case went cold. I still don’t have the closure of knowing who killed him. I joined with a promise to myself that I’d never let that happen to anyone else.”
I take a sip of my now warm beer. “I guess we really are a lot more alike than I thought.” I flick my eyebrows up in agreement. “How did you cope?”
I stare at the table for a moment. “A lot of sex.”
“I thought you said you didn’t date anyone?”
“I didn’t.” I don’t want to see his reaction, but I look up anyways. He’s just watching me, profiling me no doubt.
“Do you want to go out sometime?”
My mouth falls open. “Reid…it’s only been two months. I’m sorry, w-what?”
He shrugs. “I don’t want to wait five years to feel better. The way I see it, we could help each other move on with our lives.”
“It doesn’t work like that, Reid.”
“Who says? Have you ever tried?”
“Well, no.”
He cross his arms and leans on his elbows. “Exactly what I’m saying.”
I think on it for a moment. “Is this just because I slept around? Reid, I’m not going to—“
“I don’t expect you to. In fact, I don’t want you to, but I think that we could help each other.”
He watches me intently as I try to make up my mind. I mean, it’d be a lie if I said I wasn’t even a little attracted to him. He’s a good-looking guy and absolutely brilliant, something Luke wasn’t. But this is all for the wrong reasons.
“Alright,” I agree.