Love Is Deaf, Not Blind

Andrew was right the hospital only kept me in overnight, mom signed my discharge papers the following morning. The car ride home was silent, mom just stared out the windscreen and I stared at my bandaged hand.

I get out of mom’s slightly faded silver Mitsubishi Magna and hurry to leave the garage before she stares lecturing me. I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to face her.
Mom open her mouth about the say something but closes it and shakes her head slightly, the disappointment all too clear. Her hand drops from my shoulder and she walks past me leaving me close to tears.

I stay in the garage for a few minutes calming down so I could put my mask back on. I open the door to see Jace siting in one of the 3 grey stools at the breakfast bar and mom on the other side pulling ingredients out of the fridge. I pause for a moment, I hated the way things were between us. I missed being able to talk to my brother, I hated that my mom looked at me with such disappointment in her eyes. I decided I’d try to make things right even if I had to hid how I really felt.

I walk over pausing near a stool, “Did…you…want…help.” I ask looking up at my mom.

“Sure.” She nods, smiling slightly and jesters towards the tomatoes on the chopping board.

“I...sorry…about…the…way…I…behaved…at…the…hospital…and…before. I…was…angry…at…Jace…for…making…me…stay…behind…at…school…to…study. I…had…a…bad…day…with…some…kids…in…my…class. I…wanted…to…go…home…not…stay. I…over…reacted…I…am…sorry…Jace. I…wa-…I am…also…worried…that…I…will…not…be…able…to…sign…properly. Signing…is…the…way…I…can…express…myself…properly. It…is…part…of…me.” I think that’s the longest I’ve ever talked aloud before.
Jace signs and speaks aloud I wish you had of told me you just wanted to go straight home. I would have dropped you off then headed back. I knew I Had to talk to Jace alone.

“You…must…have…missed…it.”

“I’m sorry too. I don’t know what it’s like to be an outsider at school. I also didn’t realise that signing was so important to you. Does it really bother you that I don’t sign?”

“Yes…it…does. It…is…hard…lip…reading…all…the…time. I…miss…things…people…say. I…understand…maybe…60…percent…of…what…you…say…and…I…have…to…try…to…work…the…rest…out. It…is…a…lot…of…work…just…to…talk…to…my…mom. I…have….trouble….working…out…how…to…say…a…word. But…I…can…not…sign…what…I…want…to…you. It…was…really…hard…before…Jace…started…taking…sign…just…to…let…know…I…was…hungry…or…tied…or…hurt.”

My mom looks like I’ve just stabbed her, “I...I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” She pulls me into her arms. I hoped that after this she’d learn at least a little sign.

“It…okay.” I pick up the knife and start cutting the tomatoes before I start to cry. Mom starts to butter bread and I move to cutting slices of cheese from the block. When she’s finished with the bread she starts putting a piece of tomato, ham and cheese on the non-buttered side of the bread.

“Need…help…with…anything…else” I ask as I finishing cutting the last piece of cheese.

“No thank you.”

’Can I talk to you alone?’

’Sure.’ I walk towards the garage, I see the shadow Jace casts across the wall so I know he’s following.

’Why are you really upset at me?’

’You lied to me. You got me to lie to mom for you. I know you were at Dad’s house. I don’t understand why you’d lie unless you were trying to keep something from me.’

‘It’s not like that. I go there all the time when Dad’s away.’

’I’m sorry. I’m not used to having you at school with me. I forgot until we were already gone. Next time I promise I’ll ask you to come.’

’Pinkie Promise? I hold out my good pinkie.

Jace laughs we hadn’t done this since we were a lot younger, Pinkie Promise. He wraps his pinkie around mine and shakes it twice.

’Sorry for slamming the door in your face.’
’I’m sorry for making you break you finger.’

I wrap my arms around him, “It…fine.”

*** ***

I lay on my bed waiting for Ryan to text me back, I smile when he does.

I'm sry u broke u finger. Hw it happen? School?

Not school. I slammed it against a door. How is your school?

I hate it. I miss ASDB. I miss you. What’s ur school like?

I sort of lkit. I liked ASDB btr & I miss it but it’s gone. I miss u 2. I’ll hv 2 try & make a trip 2 Austin 2 c u

I look fwd 2 wen u do. I h8 not seeing u everyday.

Same. I'll make a trip d wknd. We cn spend d day of it. Get pizza at Rob's & play pinball :)

Sounds like a plan. Tlk l8er.

I Wish I could just go see him now, but I was a little out of it on pain meds. I pull out my sketch book a flick through, it looked a lot like a photo album, I draw picture of my friends and family. I could only draw people, though I wouldn’t be drawing for a little while with my finger.