Love Is Deaf, Not Blind

I ran to catch up with Jordan as he walks towards his locker.

“What was that about?” I ask accusation on my voice.

He shrugs not looking at me, “I like her.” I hear the underlying tone in his voice.

“Like her?!”

“Yes Jason. I like your sister. Jocelyn is funny, smart, kind and she’s so strong.”

“You can’t like my sister!” I slam his locker shut and he finally looks at me.

“Why? Because we’ve hooked up a few time? You’re not boyfriend Jason!” Ouch that hurt. I try not to show how badly those words hurt me.

“Leave my sister alone!” I’m shocked to hear how venomous my words sound. I turn sharp on my heels and head down the hall but I can still hear Jordan’s reply.

“No, I won’t.”

I head to my own locker and open in roughly, and start pulling out my books. I can’t get his words out of my head, ‘Why? Because we’ve hooked up a few time? You’re not boyfriend Jason!’

I slam the locker shut, my hand still laying on it. I decided that I wasn’t going to stick around school. I reopen my locker and throw my books in not caring.

The tardy bell sounds as I unlock my car, I get in turn on the CD player and turn the volume up. I needed not to be able to think about anything else. I didn’t like how I felt towards Josie, she hadn’t done anything. Hell she didn’t even know I was gay, so she couldn’t have guessed I was in love with Jordan. I decided I needed to focus my anger on Jordan not her.

I take a deep breath before I plug my IPhone into the jack. I pick my Loud and Angry playlist, which is full of artist and songs that I’ve collected to listen to when I’m pisses off, and want to blow off steam and break things. Songs that don’t calm me down but fuel my hate fire. A fire that would burn the memories of Jordan from my mind.

I get on the back roads that lead towards Dad’s not wanting to get held up in traffic.

“I. Hate. Everything about you! Why. Do. I love you?” I yell over top of the loud thumping music as I sing along.

I drive past the town dad lives in and continue driving towards the border. I drum my hands against the steering wheel keeping beat with the music perfectly as I yell the lyrics to every song that comes on.

I finally pull over when I’ve neared the border, I turn around and I drive towards San Antonio instead of heading over the border into Mexico.

I drive to a night club I’d been to a few times called Pegasus, it’s a gay bar. I park close to the gardens and walk the rest of the way.

I walk up to the bar, “Can I get a 5 shots of tequila?” I pull out my fake ID which says I’m 22.

The guy studies me for a moment, “Okay clearing something or someone has pissed you off.” He pours only one shot of tequila and slides in across to me. “Do you want to talk?”

“Not really.” I shoot the shot down. I hated tequila because it made me drunk way too quickly.

“It’s better to talk than to drown you sorrows.” The bar keeper says pouring another. He’s cute I notice, his falcon cut hair is sandy blonde, he has stunning dark blue eyes ringed with ice blue, and a tan and toned body.

I take the 2nd drink and sigh I wasn’t angry anymore, I just felt empty, so I confided in him, “I was sort of seeing this guy. He’s bi and in the closet, well so am I if I admit it. He’s been my best friend since kindergarten. We…we’d been sort of dating since…high school. We’d always been there for each other so when my twin sister…she’s deaf didn’t come home the other night. I called him to help look for her. He found her texted me that she was alright and he was taking her to get something to eat. They don’t return until after 6 the next morning-“

“Is he sleeping with you sister?”

“He better not be! He turns up before …College Monday morning to drive her. He starts…I don’t know pushing me away. We get into a fight before class over it. I hate that he wants my sister! I hate that he doesn’t love me like I love him. He told me flat out that what we had was just the occasional hook up.”

I talk to Chris (I learnt that was his name) until Pegasus closes at 2 am.

“I’ve got a long drive back to Austin,” I sigh trying to say goodbye to him.

“You could crash on the couch at my place? I don’t think you should be driving.” Chris offers.

I consider it, “Thanks that properly a lot smarter.”