Have You Ever Known?

My sister and I were named after headstrong and courageous women. I never understood why but for some reason, my parents liked this idea, telling us it was brilliant and unique. Audrey was named after Audrey Hepburn, one of the most legendary women on screen while I was named after Amelia Earhart, the first woman to fly across the Atlantic Ocean.

I think we’ve both picked up something from those women, Audrey being a natural beauty and into arts—being a fashion blogger and I, deciding to fly over here and pursue creative writing.

But even with those differences, we’ve always been close to each other.

She got busy with her engagement and me with piles of writing to do, but ever since she’d saw that bloody article, she was calling again and again when she had time, reminding and teasing me about it, telling me how excited she was about the wedding.

“So, did that famous boyfriend of yours agreed to go already? Will he come with you earlier too? Yesterday, Kyle sent me a picture of his nephew holding a small pillow, practicing his walk. I’m so excited!”

I rolled my eyes knowing that her little story’s just her little distraction, but what she really wanted to know was about Harry going with me. I set my phone on loudspeaker as I applied light make up, “He’s not my boyfriend, Aud.” No matter how many times I tell them that, it seems that it just goes from one ear to another. “And no, maybe he’ll be busy that week so he won’t be coming.”

“How did you even know he’s busy? Have you asked already? Come on, Amie,” I rolled my eyes again being it my usual habit nowadays. “Are you shy about me? Our family? Because that reason’s unacceptable, we are lovely, thank you very much.”

“Do you even realize that wherever you read that article, I’m pretty sure it’s a gossip site so it’s not true? We’re just friends, you know that right? How many times do I have to repeat that?” I chirped in.

“Then go as friends. I don’t want to waste your plus one, even if it’s not Harry then. Take Louis or Dani, they’ve been here already anyway. Besides, think of it as a gift from me, because duh, knowing you at some point, you’ll get bored. It would be nice if you have someone talking, laughing about Uncle Keith’s whatever and goofing around with you.”

Walking towards the closet, Audrey still kept talking as I picked my wedge and put it on, holding the edge of the frame to balance me. I was too busy clasping the strap of my shoes to pay attention to what my sister was still saying on the phone.

True, Louis and Dani have come with me for Thanksgiving last year and I wanted to tell my sister that I’ve already asked and they can’t. And I got a feeling that her reasoning to that was about another endless cycle of inviting Harry.

“Amie, you still there? Are you even listening to what I’m saying?” Audrey shouted and I cringed, walking out. “Yes, I’m right here, goodness,” I said, then, she continued pestering me about the bloody plus one.

Dani was sitting on our couch, tapping on the screen of her phone, when I went out of my room. She briefly looked at me and I gave her an apologetic smile, as she nodded silently.

“Aud, I’ll think about it okay. Talk to you soon, bye!” I said cheerfully and ended the call. I’d get a lecture about that when I hear from her again, I’m sure. I turned to Dani, shaking my head, “Audrey.”

She laughed at me and we headed out.

* * *

This isn’t how I imagined spending my night in 81. I expected myself enjoying the fact that we weren’t in a different place and that I could peacefully drink the apple ale I ordered, but I found myself aggravated sitting at the furthest side of the booth.

I know that the bride’s should always be right in her wedding, but I don’t really get the point of pressuring me into getting and asking a plus one. And what if I’ll enjoy Uncle Keith’s antics that day? We’ve put up to it every Harris occasion anyway.

It annoys me that the wedding was part of my summer list because it excites me when I mindlessly put it there, but it got stressful when an unplanned thing happened and now I was getting agitated about it. This is why I don’t settle with unplanned things. Because it bloody consumes the life out of me.

Louis and Dani seemed too engrossed in what they were talking about, clearly giving up on me because my mind was drifting on and off to pay attention to what it was about and join in. Tracing patterns on the moist of the bottle of my drink kept me occupied.

When Harry arrived, he slumped down next to me, making our seat bounce slightly. I instantly looked at him, as he slouched down further, crossing his arms.

“You’re late,” Louis teased and I expected a usual smart comeback from Harry, but instead, Louis earned a scoff from him.

I decided to take my mind off things and tried to join in again the conversation. I mean, I’m not exactly a ray of sunshine now but I could try. I looked at Harry whose bottom lip was pouting and had his brows furrowed, clearly annoyed. “Looks like I’m not the only one irritated,” I smirked as I teased, nudging his elbows on the table. Harry’s brows creased even more and completely ignored me.

“Any amusing part in your little meeting?” Louis tried again, but instead of an answer, Harry leaned forward to grab Louis’ cup and drank at least half of it.

We all watched him gulp down the drink, and when he slammed it down, he gave a funny look as Louis laughed. “Seriously? You have shit taste in alcohol.”

“Nice to try new things, Styles,” Louis said in his usual amused tone as me and Dani laughed at them. “So, what did the good ol’ management had to say this time?” He asked, propping up his elbows on the table and rested his face on his hand.

I was watching him watch Harry and I can sense the boy next to me tensing up. He sighed, reaching for the drink I barely touched and tipped his head to drink. Before speaking up, he looked at me like he was hesitant, but Louis was giving him a persistent look.

He gave in when Louis was raising his eyebrows, nagging him to go on. He rolled his eyes giving in, “They were going on and on about the damage control blah blah, I stopped listening after that was mentioned for about twenty times.” He spoke in a defeated tone, finishing half of what’s remaining in my bottle.

What he said was enough for me to know that it was about us, and the pictures circulating online. Dani had reminded me not to pay attention to what the media was saying especially if it’s not true. Louis nodded eagerly at this, saying he couldn’t agree more. But when Harry stood up muttering something about getting his own proper drink, Louis patted my hand resting on the table to follow him, leaving me with my best friend who was giving me a concerned look.

And it added to my own aggravations.

“I know what you’re thinking,” I beat her, before she even opened her mouth, which left her smirking and leaning back the leather booth. I sighed, drinking what’s remaining of my supposedly drink, which Harry gulped on earlier as she watched me, crossing her arms.

“It’s no big deal, Amie. You know they deal with those kind of BS every single time,” she said, reassuring me. I knew that, but it’s not making me feel any less guilty. When Harry promised that it would be a trip I wouldn’t forget, it was supposed to mean figuratively—in my head, not in the sense that I would have been always reminded because of the countless photos and gossip articles online.

“I know that, but it only makes me more frustrated,” Dani gave me a distressing look. “Talking to my sister earlier about her thrilling wedding and now this?” I rambled animatedly.

Dani rolled her eyes but gave me a teasing smile, “You guys aren’t even together yet and you’re already getting this worked up.” She reached out for her drink, “I sometimes wonder why I haven’t experienced that.”

“It’s good that you don’t,” I claimed, “The power of their fans, the media and combined are beyond imaginable. Besides, you’ve been together ever since and I know you guys are stronger than that.”

“I know and you have to remind yourself that too,” she said brightly with the humor sparkling in her eyes when she added, “Especially when you guys get together.”

My jaw dropped, “Seriously?” I slid off the booth abruptly, “Now that you’ve ruined the moment, I’ll go over there,” I pointed towards the bar, “I need a stronger drink.” She only laughed at me, raising her drink as I walked away.

I marched down the bar to order something stronger. Not really knowing what the bartender handed me, I downed it with one shot. I gave a disgusted look as I swallowed, the alcohol burning down my throat, instantly making me feel hot.

It was my fourth, I think, shot of silver tequila, which I’ve only known the name when a random guy few stools away from me ordered it, when I felt hotter and dizzy. I was unbuttoning two buttons of my sheer top when Louis took a seat next to me.

“It’s funny how we’ve ordered the same drink earlier, but Harry didn’t offend your taste in alcohol,” Louis said, the humor in his voice clear as a day. I grunted, pinching both side of my throbbing forehead, “We had different flavors Lou, get your facts straight.”

He shot both of his arms defensively, “Still.” I ignored him, downing the shot and gesturing to the bartender for another round. “And since you want me to be straight,” he said, twisting his seat so his body was in front of me. I laughed at him, clearly coherent of the other meaning of what he just said as I gained a roll of his eyes and instead of a smart comeback, “Harry’s really guilty that you’ve been dragged into that rumor shit.”

I creased my eyebrows, looking at him, “H-he doeshn’t need to be—“

The bartender sliding off the glass on the counter cut my reasoning to Louis off. I lazily smiled at it, thanking him as he walked off with my bill. But before I reached down to drink it, Louis snatched it to smell its contents, then turned to snarl at me.

“What?” I asked him in an irritated voice. He continued that snarl look at me, still holding on to the glass. “Tequila, seriously?” I sloppily smiled at him, nodding proudly, which earned an irritated or concerned look from him. “How many did you already have? Amelia.”

I scrunched my face up at him, “It iz finee and I could take shots. I’m an adult right? Right? ” I giggled at my questions then dragged my feet yet stumbled back our booth where Harry and Dani were talking. After finishing my drink, I put it down on the table dragging attention from my friends. I slumped down next to Dani and waved my hand, “Go onnn, c-continue you guysh talk ‘bout.”

But they didn’t.

Instead, Dani raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, “You’re drunk?” I think it was supposed to be a statement that ended up in a questioning tone, but I wasn’t sure because my mind’s getting a little bit hazy. “Noooope,” I dragged, popping the ‘p’ and smirked. I giggled, “Alright, alriiiight,” I slurred giving in, “Maybe a little? What wash that called again, Dan? B…buzzed, yeah, that is I’m buzzed. I’m not drunk!”

Both of their jaws seemed to drop, which was the reason I was giggling again until Louis arrived, sitting beside Harry. “I caught Amelia drinking tequila at the bar,” Louis whispered. I gasped then giggled, because it seems like whatever they were talking about seems funny to me. “Reeaally now?” I asked in an amused tone and leaned my body to my best friend.

She placed an arm behind me for support as she gave a concerned look. I waved my hand dismissively; trying not to earn the attention of everyone because of the look she was giving me and placed my palm on Dani’s cheek, telling her that I’m okay. A little drunk and dizzy, but fine.

I can faintly hear them discussing that they need to bring me home since I am now drunk and I would have argued that I wasn’t if I wasn’t getting sleepy. It was decided when Harry volunteered to take me home. He stood up in front of me, checking if I can stand up myself. I wanted to prove that I could, so I abruptly stood, hitting my knee on the table in the process. Harry immediately grabbed my arm to help me.

I don’t know how I made it possible, but I was wincing and giggling at the same time. “Not going come home with me, Dan?” I turned to her once the spot throbbing, which I’m sure that will bruise, started to numb. She shook her head, “Louis and I will stay here for a little bit.”

“What about meeeee? Arn’t you gon’ take care of me like—like the last time I got drunk?” I pouted, remembering that she did when my professor marked a low grade on an article I’ve really worked hard on. She gave me an innocent look, “I’m sure Harry will do that,” She glanced up at him, “Right, Haz?” I didn’t hear what Harry told her, but I guess he just smirked at her or nodded.

She assured me that she’ll check up on me the next day and with that, Harry guided me towards the exit. He was about to reach out the handle of the door, but I stopped, removing my arm around his shoulder and stood straight.

“What’s the matter?” He looked at me sincerely, like he was worried.

“What i-if somebody take pictures again? So stress for y-youu” I slurred, walking limply. The floor was spinning, but with the concentration I’m giving, I’m sure I can survive without holding onto Harry.

He gave me a sad look, “Don’t worry about that. Worry about getting to the car in one piece,” I giggled at his pun as he rolled his eyes, “Come on let me—“

I ignored him to continue walking. But after a few steps, I stumbled again and Harry grumbled and grabbed my arm to put behind his neck and placed his other hand to put on my waist as we walk. He smelled really nice, like fabric conditioner and manly perfume. Being this dangerously close to him sent me another huge wave of feelings I can’t understand.

I haven’t bothered checking if there were people out to take photos of us—me very plastered in the other note, but Harry managed to put me in his car safely after, maybe a little longer than it should.

Harry must have left his window open because as soon as he started driving, the wind gushed beside my face wildly, making my eyes droop. I stuck my head outside, my arms slumped on the other side of the door. “Don’t sway your arms out, it might get cut off by other cars,” Harry joked.

I giggled, which I would have found annoying if I was not buzzed, but it seems like it was the only thing my body liked to do when I’m feeling like this. “Think it’d be hard having no hands and prolly feel weird,” I managed to slur, bumping my jaw on the weatherstrip of his car while I talked.

Harry only shook his head as he chuckled at my response.

The lights were dancing in my eyes as I stared at everything’s passing by. I don’t know how long I stared, until I was familiar with the driveway of my flat. When Harry shut off his car’s engine, I fumbled with my seatbelt as he stepped out quickly to go open my door.

We were in the exact position when he helped me outside 81, going up to my flat. “Thanks Haaaaaz,” I mumbled. He gave me a cheeky smile, dimples denting, mumbling back that it was no problem.

If I were alone, maybe I’d rather stay outside my door. I was struggling with opening with it anyway, when my hand can’t stay still, fumbling with the keys. I groaned when I still can’t, so I turned to Harry and tossed it at him. He caught it, enclosing it with both of his hands and giving me a sly smile.

“Don’t be too smug about that,” I toppled in as soon as Harry pushed the door open. “I could do that too if I wasn’t dizzy.”

“I’m sure you could,” Harry said in a teasing tone, grabbing my waist again to guide me towards my room.

He removed my shoes when I flopped down my bed and closed my eyes, cannot contain the room spinning anymore. “You can stay if you want,” I said, popping one eye open to watch him, as I moved a little and patted the empty space next to me.

“Well in one condition,” I mumbled, raising my two fingers in peace sign. He looked at me attentively, waiting for me to go on, “You can’t—you can’t run off like last time again,” I giggled. Harry’s eyes widened, clearly taken aback with what I said.

Even though my eyes were closed, I could feel him staring at me, like he was weighing in his options if he was going to stay or not. I felt him slid inside my floral blanket, which only means he decided to stay. I bit my lip, fighting the urge to smile and open my eyes to peek at his reaction.

I guess it was typical for any person to gain another level of confidence whenever they get drunk. And clearly, I was one of those people; I tend to speak words and thoughts implanted in my head for a while which were never supposed to be shared or I was too scared to say.

“You’re frustrating, you know?” I mumbled, releasing a contented sigh. My eyes remained closed, maybe afraid to look at him.

He didn’t answer and for a moment, I thought he fell asleep already, but I heard his faint ‘what?’ that was too hard to miss over the silence. I opened my eyes and turned to look at those green eyes staring at me, “Well, you know—you’re frustrating in ways I can’t explain myself just because,” I paused, “You’re Harry,” I lazily smiled at him, scratching my sleepy eyes.

“Yes I am, but sorry—I don’t think I—I get it?” His deep voice muttered and it felt like he was lulling me to sleep. His brows met in confusion as he frowned, “A-are you saying, you’re angry with me?”

“No, no!” I shook my head sternly, “I guess I’m frustrated with me because you’re you and it’s frustrating because I can’t figure—it? You? I’m not sure—out—what’s happening with me, you know,” I rambled.

He frowned even deeper. “Don’t worry, I’m not mad. It’s a good frustrating?” I tried, but it doesn’t suffice to what I was rambling on, “I don’t get it too.” I shook my head once again, tucking the stray hair covering my face behind my ear.

I closed my eyes once again and sleep came over before I had the chance to think about what thoughts I just drunkenly announced.