You're My Drug

I don't know when, but I remember waking up. I know I was staring at the walls again for a long time. My mind wouldn't think and I couldn't feel a thing. The doctor came in at one point and started asking some kind of questions. Something like, if I was okay and how I was feeling. When I heard him mention Jayy, I actually felt a tinge inside me.
How was he? Was he still here? Why would he stay? I looked around the room, and when I didn't see him I felt a hitch in my breathing.
"Where is he?" I heard myself asking.
I finally turned to the doctor to take a good look at him. He seemed familiar, maybe I've seen him before?
The doctor sighed a bit, "Jayy's outside."
My fists clenched tightly at that answer. "No, I want him in here. Why is he out there?" I asked in a low voice.
The man shook his head. "You had a mental break down and are suffering from PTSD. He caused your last one, so I requested he stay out for now." The doctor explained.
I remembered very little about this episode, but when I thought of Jayy I saw something. I saw him holding me close and kissing my forehead, telling me he loved me. The memory felt so warm. I liked it. It was the best feeling I've had since I've been in here.
"Can I see him? Please. It wasn't his fault. I'll do anything, I just wanna see him." I nearly begged.
He stared at me and straight on said, "No."
I frowned and scrunched up my eyebrows. I knew I was acting like a child, but I didn't care. I just wanted Jayy. "Well, you're the doctor and I know you want me to get better. But I refuse to answer any questions until I see Jayy. And I know in two days you legally have to release me if I don't have another attack. You can't keep me here and then I'll just get worse. Then you're not doing your job. And we can't have that now, do we?" I threatened darkly. "I'd hate for you to loose your job over this."
I watched the doctor be hesitant over my threat, and he gulped loudly. "You're that determined to see him, even though you don't remember him?"
I nodded. "I don't have to explain myself. I just want him in here. Now please make it happen." I snapped at him.
The doctor sighing again, moved towards the door and said, "Fine. I'll go and get him."
He left the boring white room. I patiently waited by looking at my lap with my hands fidgeting around each other. It took a few minutes, but someone eventually came into the room.
I lifted my head up quickly to look up to the person. I saw Jayy, and I felt relieved...but also worried. He had tear stains on his cheek, and he looks like he hasn't slept in a few days. He had purple and blue bags underneath his eyes that indicated that. And it really was a contrast to his pale skin, long greasy black hair, and bright blue eyes. His skin seemed paler than usual, and his eyes looked sad and betrayed. His hair though, looks like he hasn't had a shower. Which looks distrusting to me. He's so beautiful and he shouldn't like this, especially over me.
"Hey, Av." He said, his voice cracking a bit.
I motioned him to come over to me, and he did slowly. Probably thinking I'd freak out again. "Jayy...can you hold me?" I asked softly.
"Yeah, sure." He agreed.
He slowly wrapped his arms around me and I felt that warm feeling again. I felt so overwhelmed that I started crying a bit. I grasped onto him and sobbed into his chest. I sat there and did that for a few minutes before I said, "I'm lost, Jayy. I still don't remember a thing. And I'm crazy. I'm so fucked up right now...I don't even know why you're still here." I choked out through my sobs.
Jayy pushed my hair away from my face and pulled my face up to look at him. "I stay 'cause I love you, Avery. I know, because god knows, I'm not the best all the time. I've actually been a dick to you these past few months. And I know this won't make up for it. But damn, I love you. I wanna help, and I'm not leaving you. It's okay to be fucked up. It makes you who you are. For now just focus on getting better."
Tears filled more out of my eyes. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him down a bit. I pressed my lips against his cheek softly and smiled through my messy tears. "I know I don't remember. But you make me feel okay right now...and I'd like you to go to 'our' home and take a bloody shower. 'Cause damn, Jayy, you smell like a homeless man. And I know damn right I'm not attracted to that." I chuckled a bit and let go of his shirt.
Jayy actually smiled at me, and I felt so relieved. I take it he didn't smile genuinely around me. It was just a feeling I have. I reached up and kissed his cheek again. "Now go, Smelly Von Monroe." I joked.
Jayy rolled his eyes and kissed my nose softly. I let out a small giggle and I just couldn't stop smiling. I got to the point to where I was no longer crying. Which is a good thing in my book.
"Talk to the doctors while I'm gone, Av. Please." He said.
I nodded at him. "Okay."
"Okay, I'm gonna head straight home and shower. Then come right back. I'll be gone for maybe two hours. I'll be right back." He reassured me.
I let go of his shirt. "Alright, Jayy. I'll see you then."
He started to head for the door and liked back at me with a smile. "I love you and I'll see you then." He said before leaving.
It took me back that he said he loved me, but it honestly felt natural.
Next the doctor came in. For the first time since I've seen him, I actually read his name tag. It read, 'Dr.Collins'. Well, at least I know his name now.
"How are you feeling?" Dr. Collins asked.
I smiled a bit more. "I'm feeling a lot better." I stated. "Now what can I do to help my PTSD?"
"I think we should start with your memory loss—"
I shook my head. "No, I don't wanna remember right now. That should come on it's own. But I don't wanna have a mental break down in the process." I said.
He sighed. Dr. Collins must use that as a coping mechanism. I mean, I'm not that most cooperating patient. "I'll release you tomorrow and recommend you a therapist. That should be a good start." He said in defeat.
"Okay, thank you." I said.