You're My Drug

I kept staring at the plain white walls. There was literally nothing in my mind. Everything seemed blank in my head. I had no thoughts. I felt like I was numb. Weightless. This bed made me feel confined, locked up. With the noise around me, I overheard a doctor talking to Jayy about me being released soon. But I need to see a shrink for evaluation. Something about me being unstable with memory loss and possible PTSD.
I'm not really that damaged. I don't feel like it.
Honestly though...I don't feel anything. I feel weak..lost. I can't move and my breathing feels hazy.
I know Jayy is sitting right across from me and staring at me. Probably trying to figure out just how crazy I am. I could care less. I don't care what we were. Part of me wanted Richy...part of me wanted him to stay away from me. I don't know how I'd even talk to him after what I've done. I don't care that he's possibly forgiven me. That doesn't matter. To me, the memory is fresh. I'm afraid of that friendship going away. Fading away. All because I screwed up.
That seems like all I do. Screw up. I can't do anything right.
"Hey," Jayy said, "are you okay, TeddyBear?"
I flinched at the nickname. I gritted my teeth and shook my head violently. "Don't call me that." I growled out.
I couldn't even look in his direction, but I know he stood up suddenly. I jumped a bit but the sound of the chair banging into the wall when he got up.
"Damn it, Avery. I just asking you a stupid fucking question. The least you could do is answer it!" Jayy snapped at me.
I felt my body tremble. I looked at up Jayy and there it was. I saw a man. A man that wasn't Jayy.
He was tan, and had a scar across his left eye. I recognized him, but I didn't know him. I saw him come near me with his fists up and I couldn't breathe. "Such a pretty slut you are." The man said.
Warm tears ran down my face rapidly as I tried to move back. As he got closer, I stumbled off the bed, pulling out my IVs.
"No. No. No. Please!" I begged, choking through my sobs.
I knew what was going to happen. I remember it. This is what happened to me. I felt that man grab my arms trying to shush me.
"Please...don't hurt me...I..I...help!" I screamed out loudly.
At this point, I couldn't see through my tears. Everything was so blurry. Before I knew it something was stabbing into my upper forearm.

--Jayy's POV--

I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I yelled him! Why did I did I yell at him? I know I had a temper problem, but this… This was crossing a whole new line with Avery. I don't know why, I thought I was getting better. I mean, the doctor told me to be careful with him.
And here I just caused him to have a freak out. He tore out all of his IVs. And I'll never forget the screaming and the crying. Pleading me not to hurt him.
It all took me back to the hellish night...where I raped him. I never told my therapist that...how could I willingly admit that? All of this has me realizing I keep snapping at him is because I'm afraid. Afraid of him leaving. Afraid of myself.
I watched Avery as they injected needles into him and his body went limp, his eyes closing.
"I'm so sorry...baby...I'm so sorry!" I whispered through my tears.
Before I even knew it, the doctor was puling me away from him while the nurses were putting him back into the bed with all the tubes.
They started to ask me questions about what happened. I just answered, "I snapped...I didn't mean to..."
"For now, sir, I need you to stay out of that room." The doctor said. "It's for his mental health."
I nodded frantically. I understood through my tears. I started to wipe the snot from my nose as the doctor started to head back into Avery's room.
I collapsed up against the wall and fell to my butt. I buried my hands into my face.
Why did this keep happening?
When was Richy going to get here? He'd know what to do.