She Ain't You

I danced on my toes through my room, I was wearing underwear and James’ Christmas sweater which he left here after the game and yes I know it’s way past Christmas but the little shit lost a the practice shootout and had to wear one till the Olympic break. I had the music on blast, trying to mask out every nervous bone in my body because today, today could change my life completely.

I sing the words to She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds of Summer, my wet hair was now dry and I was just about to straighten it, when I spun to see James standing in the doorway. I rolled back on my heels, blushing and hiding behind my hair.

“Whoever that is, he’s right, she does look so perfect” James says, making my already pink cheeks, red.

“Shut up” I say, reaching over and turning down the music. I sheepishly walk into the bathroom, brush my hair and start to straighten it. James whistles why he walks in, stands behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. “Unless you want me to burn you, we probably should step back”

“I just want to hold you” He whispers, my heart melts a bit and I smile.

“Well you can hold me after my interview” I say, James pouts like a child and brings his lips to my neck. Then walks out, I know my whole face is red and I attempt to hold back how turned on I was by that. I let out a sigh and continue to straighten my hair.

When I’m finished, I put my make up on and walk into my bedroom. James is sitting on the window sill and watching the city. I keep my eyes on him while I slip on my dark skinny jeans and striped sweater. I wrap a scarf around my neck and grab my boots. I walk up to James and run my fingers through his hair. His groan makes me smile, he spins on his booty and plants his feet on the ground before standing up. His hand goes to the back of my neck and he just stares at me.

My discovery of James’ feelings for me didn’t matter because I had feelings for him too. Contrary to popular belief it’s possible to have feelings for two people because you can’t help who you develop feelings for. It’s just not okay to be in a relationship with two people at the same time because that’s your choice. I may still love Geno with all my heart, but I wanted to feel like someone wanted me.

James and I were lost in our own little world when someone knocked on the door, I smiled a bit knowing who it was and I ran as fast as I could into the hallway and out to the front door. I looked in the peep hole and squealed. I glanced behind me and saw James, as I swung open the door. I then jumped onto the person and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Jeff!” I squealed, hugging him tight. He laughed a bit and hugged me back. “She’s going to be so happy”

“Hello to you too” He says, and we pull apart. “How are you doing James?”

“Pretty good, it’s nice to see you” James says and hugs him.

I run back to Faith’s room, she was in the shower and I banged on the door.

“Faith!” I yelled.

“Fuck Tor! What?!” She screams back and I laugh.

“There’s a boy at the door, claiming to be your very apologetic boyfriend!” I sing, it wasn’t long until the shower stopped. I heard a lot of bangs and cries out of pain before the door busted open. I drenched Faith ran passed me and I followed her.

She steps out of the door frame and looks at him. Faith covers her mouth, her eyes crinkle and she starts to cry. She runs so fast and falls into Jeffs arms. I run back to my room and grab the camera. Jeff had pressed Faith against the wall, they both smiled as they shared their first kiss after a long time of being apart. I take a photo and look at it, smiling.

“I love you” Jeff whispers to her and I start getting emotional too. I look at James and he stands there awkwardly.

“Welp, we’re going to go” I say and grab my portfolio and purse. I grab James’ hand and lead him out the door but before closing it, I look at both of them. “Avoid my room!”

“Good luck!” They both chanted and then the door was shut.

“You’re a good friend” James says.

“I wasn’t going to sit in my room all night and pretend that the dog is causing Faith’s bed post to slam into the wall repeatedly” I say and James bursts out laughing.

“I meant, trusting them not to fuck on every surface of the condo” He says, wiping a tear I caused from the laughter.

“Oh, I don’t” I say and James looks at me with confusion as we walk into the elevator. “The deep cleaning service is scheduled to come Monday morning”

--

James drove me to the office that my interview was in and he dropped me off. The whole ride was silent, I was shaking with nerves and I almost asked him to circle the parking lot before I went in. But I stood my ground and went in. To my surprise there wasn’t many people in the office, I sat down next to someone and tapped my fingers on my portfolio.

“Victoria?” I heard from beside me, and I snap my head to look at the person who summoned me.

Angela

“Oh hi” I say, my voice quiet.

“Are you applying for the music writers job?” She asked and I nod. “No way! Me too!”

“Oh” Was all I could say. “Didn’t know you were into that”

“I love literature, Evgeni says that’s one of my best qualities” She says and sighs. “The day before he left, me made me read some of Bridget Jones Diary to him”

he loves when i did that

“I really miss him” She says and runs her hands through her dark hair. “He said you two got in a fight?”

“Yeah, just something stupid” I mumble and blink back some tears.

Maybe Sid and James were right, Evgeni did love me but he didn’t know it. Angela listening to the same music, read the same books, wore the same style of clothing and we are interested in doing the same thing for a living. It’s all so weird to me.

“Angela?” A deep voice says, beckoning her for her interview.

I don’t even say good luck, I just smile and fiddling with my sleeve.

--

It isn’t long until Angela was exiting the building, not saying hello to me and just leaving. But I didn’t have time to think before I was called in by the same beckoning voice from before. I took my things and walked into the office. A man with grey hair sat in the chair, he began marking things down on a piece of paper. He then looks up and stand up. I walk over and shake his hand.

“Victoria”

“Mr. Banks”
“Pleasure to meet you” I say and smile, before sitting down.

“Well I must say Victoria, your resume is spectacular” He says and holds it.

“Thank you sir” I say and grip the binder of my portfolio so hard, my knuckles turn white. “I have my portfolio”

My voice came out shaky and I coughed to cover it up, I handed him my binder and he shifted through it. He read through some article and other things but stopped on the last page.

“What’s this?” He asked, taking out a small photo and showing it to me. It was Evgeni, it was when he tore his ACL and MCL, he took me to russia in the summer. He was showing me around Russia and I took a picture. “I believe I’ve missed each and every face, Come on and play my music, Let’s turn on the love light in the place”

“That’s not supposed to be there” I say and laugh a bit.

“Kenny Loggins?” He asks and I nod. “Well I have to say, I’ve never seen something like this before. Tell me the story”

I told him the story about my best friend, he seemed quite interested in the fact.

“This is pretty unique but I want you to prove to me that you’re nothing like the last girl because to be honest, you two are alike”

“Trust me, I know” I say and smile. “Well, I’ve spent so many years in a music store, awaiting my opportunity to write. People may want to write because they like it, but I want to write to make a change and there’s no doubt you’ve heard that before. I want to write, the feeling when your favourite band plays your favourite song at a concert. That feeling that nothing around you matters”

Mr. Banks sits in silently in his chair, he then leans over and picks up the phone.

“Courtney, you can tell the rest to leave” He says and my heart fires up. He hangs up the phone and stands up. “Welcome to RollingStone”

I felt like I was going to faint.

“That’s what the Magazine was?!” I ask, my voice cracking again.

“Yes, now we’ll pay for flight and your first month rent” He says and my stomach stops.

“Wait...what?”
“The job is in New York City”

--

I got into the car with James and he looks at me, with anticipation.

“I got the job” I say with a smile.

James cheers so loud my ears rang, he hugs me over the seat and then kisses me.

“I knew you’d do it!” He says and shouts again. He then notices my silence. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just want to go back to your place and celebrate” I say and smile.

James drives so fast, I was scared but more scared about everyones reaction. We pulled up to his house, James pulled me out of the car and up to his room. He throws me onto the bed and then takes his top off. We start making out, but every emotion runs through me and I start to cry. James pulls away, looking shocked and kind of insulted.

“Babe, shh” He says and holds me head. “Did I hurt you?”

I shake my head and try to control my emotions.

“Babe, please tell me what I did” He says and then smiles. “Girls don’t usually cry while we’re making out”

I shake my head again, James reaches and gets me a tissue. I wipe my eyes and blow my nose.

“New York City” I say and James stops.

“What?”

“The job, it’s in New York City” I say, James’ face stops and he stares blankly at me. Causing me to cry even more than before.