She Ain't You

James laid beside me in silence, my sobs had subsided but the tears never disappeared. Then continued to roll down my face, but the silence was too loud for me and I knew my place. I got up, grabbed the shirt he had pulled off me and rushed to put it on.

“Where are you going?” James asked, his tone inferring that an argument was about to begin.

“Home” I say, hiding behind my hair as I gather my belongings.

“So you’re just going to leave?” He spat and I laughed.

“It’s better than being here with you”

“No I meant, you’re going to go to New York?” James asked, like it was obvious.

I looked at James, blankly but then I exploded.

“I don’t know James!” I yell and he scoffs. “I just found out less than an hour ago!”

“But it sounds like you’re considering it!” He screams back and I laugh.

“We’ve been fooling around for less than a week and you act like you know me!” I say incredulously. “If you knew anything about me, you’d know that New York City is my dream”

It was silent, I usually hated silence but I wished this one never ended.

“I love you Victoria” James says, and all the air from my lungs disappears. “I hope that’s enough to make you stay”

“I have to go” I say, running a hand through my hair and making a quick escape from James’ house.

Now this was different, I walked all the way to the city, James lives in suburbs of Pittsburgh. Once I found a cab, I had then take me to the condo and as much as I felt horrible about walking in on Faith and Jeff, I just wanted to bury myself in my duvet.

When I opened the door, the trail of clothing didn’t throw me and when I slammed the door, the loud voices when silence. I threw my jacket and purse on the floor, Faith ended up standing in the hall, with crazy hair and a bathrobe.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, her voice shaken and her face worried.

“James is an ass hole” I say and try to push past her. “Please don’t stop on my account, I’ll turn the music up”
“Are you sure?” She asks, biting her lip and glancing into the room. I took a deep breath.

“Yeah, I kind of want to be alone”

“Don’t be afraid to come get me”

“Uh...okay”

Faith gives me a hug and then disappears into her room. I enter my room, and fall face first into my bed. The noise from the next room, makes me run and put my phone into the doc. I turn on Pompeii by Bastille and put it loud enough to mask the excessive noise of Faith screaming ‘Mr. Skinner, punish me’.

But it isn’t till my eyes spy the photo of Geno and I laying in bed, listening to music. That was one thing Geno and I shared, the love of music and even though listening to his playlist, I may not understand any of the lyrics, I’d appreciate him even sharing it with me.

I did a brave thing and took out my phone, then dialed Geno’s number. I didn’t even know if he’d pick up, the it rang once, twice and then was interrupted in the third. As soon as I thought he picked up, the call was dropped. He ignored my call. If that didn’t say a lot about the situation, I didn’t know what did. He hates me, he really hates me.

I screamed, it wasn’t loud enough for the teacher and student roleplay to hear me and it wasn’t loud enough to mask the voices in my head telling me how much of a screw up I was. I screwed everything up, with my best friend, someone I cared about a lot and my career, that probably will never get it’s debut.

I wanted to go to New York City so bad it hurt, I had made so many plans to go to school there but then girls suggested Pittsburgh and then I met Geno, it just seemed like this amazing fit. I don’t regret the years I had in Pittsburgh, but maybe it was time to move on. It was RollingStone Magazine for goodness sakes!

I jumped back and hit the bed, I pulled out of my skinny jeans and took off my sweater. I curled under my duvet in just my bra and underwear, cried until I fell asleep.

--

When I awoke, it was dark out and I figured that Jeff and Faith went out because the screams had stopped. I left the room, intentions of being alone but I heard a small giggle from the couch. I stood on my tippy toes and peered over to see Keirstyn and Beau. I smiled at the love they felt for each other that clearly showed. I walked back into my room, grabbed my camera and took a photo. That startled Keirstyn and Beau, I smiled sweetly down at them and they blushed.

“Where did Faith and Jeff go?” I asked, setting down the camera.

“Out to dinner” Beau answers, pulling on his basketball shorts and then sliding onto a stool. Soon followed by Keirstyn who was putting on her clothes.

“Well you guys can help yourself, I’m not really hungry” I say, the stress was killing my appetite and I knew I’d pay for it in the morning. I look at the clock and see that it’s nearly eight.

“I thought you were going to stay at James’ tonight?” Beau asked, and I shrugged, sipping on water.

“Yeah, well I’m not now” I mutter and rub my temples.

“What happened?” Keirstyn asked, who was immediately at my side and rubbing my back.

“He told me he loved me” I said, and Keirstyn gasped.

“That ass” She says and Beau scoffs.

“I don’t understand, you get angry when we don’t tell you we love you but you call us names when we do tell you?” Beau asks and I laugh.

“First of all, you don’t understand anything about girls Beau and secondly, we get angry when you don’t mean it”

“What says that James doesn’t mean it?” Beau asks, and I sigh, then shrug.

“Wait, did you get the job!?!” Keirstyn asks excitedly and I smile.

“Yeah, I did” I say and she shrieks hugging me, and I hug back, blushing.

“That’s amazing!” She says and jumps up and down. “Did they tell you what magazine it was for?”

“Actually I need to discuss that with the everyone” I say and smile.

Keirstyn looks at me with a mere look of confusion and worry, I smile a bit and take another sip of water.

--

I’ve never had an emergency meeting called about me, it was either about Sidney and Autumn or Jonathan and Stephanie. But here we are, sitting here with a bottle of wine which most of us don’t even touch. Jeff and Beau played NHL 14 in the living room while the kitchen was occupied by the hearing.

“So what’s going on?” Steph asked, sipping her beer.

“First of all, James told Victoria he’s in love with her” Keirstyn says and I roll my eyes.

“Technically, he just told me he loves me” I correct and the girl scoff.

“Same diff” They all say in unison.

“What else?” Steph asks and I sigh.

“I got the job”

They all cheered for me, hugging for me but the could see I wasn’t all too happy about it all.

“What wrong?” Autumn asked and I rubbed my face with my hands.

“It’s for Rollingstone”

“Wait! That’s good, right?”

“They want me in New York City by the end of the month” I add and the room goes silent.

“New York?” Faith whispers and I nod.

“I don’t know what to do, when I started to cry during a make out session, so I told him and he told me he loved me” I explained, and I ran a hand through my hair. They all looked at me, like the answer of life was about to spit out of my mouth. “I don’t know if I am going to go”

“Why not?” Autumn asks and I shrug.

“I’d miss everyone way too much”

“Well we miss Faith and Steph but we don’t complain about it, because they’re with their future husbands” Keirstyn says.

“But what about G?” I say and hold back the sob I wanted to let out.

“What about him?” Faith says and I shrug.

“I tried to call him but he ignored it”
“See there’s your answer, Pittsburgh has many memories but that doesn’t mean you can’t ome back!” Autumn says and I shrug.

“I don’t know”

“Do you want to work music store for the rest of my life?” Steph asks and I smile.

“Don’t answer that” Faith says and we laugh.

“I don’t know guys, I guess I’m going to have to think about it. Maybe I’ll make a small trip up to Canada to see my parents” I say and they nod.

“That’s an amazing idea” Keirstyn adds and smiles.