She Ain't You

It had been a week since the Olympic hockey tournament had started, fortunately Canada was standing strong still but unfortunately, Russia had been kicked out by Finland this morning. For a week, every day, at ten in the morning I’d call Geno and he ignored all of them. I wanted to tell him that I was watching, that I was proud of him and I was rooting for him, but I couldn’t. Sidney said he told him to answer my calls, but evidently, G is still extremely stubborn.

It was passed noon, I sat on the couch with Steph, Autumn, Faith, Jeff, Keirstyn and Beau, we watched as Canada battled again Latvia. I was wearing my roots sweat pants and a my maroon t-shirt, my hands cupped a large mug that read ‘F.R.I.E.N.D.S’ that was filled with hot chocolate. I picked up my phone to read an email that rolling stone had sent to me, but for a split second the call display screen had popped up and I was lucky enough to read the caller I.D before it disappears.

Geno had called me, for a moment my heart broke because he felt like he couldn’t confide in me. So I decided to stand up, give a warm smile to my friends before whisking away to the balcony. I wrapped myself up in my arms, holding the phone to my ear and as it rang, I thought that maybe, just maybe he’d answer. He didn’t, but it did go to voicemail and that’s an improvement.

“G, I know things have been different but I want you to know that through everything, you can still talk to me about anything. I made a poor decision confiding in James, he’s your team mate and I was wrong to do that.

“But it’s been four years since these feelings developed, we were in Vancouver and you held me so close. I started to feel better about myself and I wanted you, all I ever wanted was you”

At this point I was crying, I tried to hold back the sobs that urged to break through but somehow, I gave up.

“But I’ll always need you, as a best friend, as someone to talk to because you’ve been there for me through everything and right now I need you the most, I need to make a pretty big decision and you know, I suck at those.

“Fuck, you probably feel really shitty right now and you don’t want to hear about my stupid problems. I woke up to wake everyone of your games, you fought hard and long. I know your outcome didn’t end the way you wanted it to, but you still did your best and that’s what matters.

“You and I both know Geno that Hockey isn’t just about skill, sometimes it’s about probability and your chance didn’t come this time. But there will be other chances, you get to come back and fight for the cup now, I just want you to be okay and know that you did your best, that no one has changed their perception of you because you lost.

“I miss you, I hope you have a safe trip back” I say, I hang onto the end a bit and begin to choke out the words. “I lo-”
But then I hung up.

--

Keirstyn and Beau had stayed over once again, it got me to thinking that if I did take the job in New York City that they could take this place off my hands. Not that I wanted to leave here, I remember when Geno came with me to shop for places and this place just seemed so perfect, the memories would be so hard to let go.

Geno had to be twenty five or so, his fifth season with the Penguins was just about to start and I was going to be graduating in one year, but was planning to stay in Pittsburgh. It had been a year since the Olympics and I was still developing my feelings for Evgeni, sometimes I’d feel like he finally was going to make a move. This year was a dark time for me, I was working really hard in school and I wasn’t eating enough.

“This place is very modern, I know you asked for some sort of loft but I feel like you’d like this” The real estate agent pitched and I smiled, holding onto Geno’s arm, my interpersonal personality shining through.

The real estate agent opens the door, Evgeni walks in first, me trailing behind him and as soon as my eyes sweep the room, the mood picks up. The hardwood floors shine, the granite countertops sparkle and I felt like I was in Ikea.

“Wow” I say, letting go of Evgeni and twirling around in the empty space.

“It’s a two bedroom, two bathroom and has a fully equipt kitchen”

“I love it” I gush, smiling so big I thought my jaw was going to fall off. “Do you like it G?”

Geno smiles and nods at me, watching as I twirl around on the hardwood floors. I follow the agent into the guest room, it was very well done but when she opened the door to the master bedroom, I knew I couldn’t say no.

The outside two walls were just panelled windows, it has just reaches three in the afternoon and the sun seemed to light the sky, making the whole room lit up. If I walked out of this condo and didn’t buy it, I knew I would regret it.

“I’ll take it” I say, a smile on my face as I turn on my heel to face the agent.

I remember having to wait two weeks before I could move in, so I stayed at Geno’s house which I had done many time before anyway.

”Steph go to Chicago?” Geno asked, his arm around me as we sat on the couch.
“Yeah, well when we graduate” I say, smiling to myself and holding my bare legs to my chest. “Wow, I only have like a year left”

“I proud”

“Thank you” I smile and lean into him.

“So how Jon ask?” Evgeni asks, and I smile. “How he ask Steph move in?”

“You know how Jon is very serious?” I ask, and Geno nods at me. “Yeah, he sat her down at his desk in his office and she thought he was going to break up with her, but he just asked her”

“Jon stupid”

“Very” I say, laughing alone with him.



I calm myself down, wash my face and go back into the living room. Canada was winning but the game became more and more tiring, I just didn’t feel like watching and plus. the Latvian goalie wasn’t making the game very interesting by almost dying. While we all sat there in silence, my mind was going a hundred miles a minute before I decided to do something spontaneous.

I jumped off the couch, threw my hair in a ponytail, pulled on some clothes and made my way to the shop. I quit my job.

--

I didn’t tell anyone about my decision, it was a spontaneous decision but I felt a bit better after doing it. Team Canada played the USA yesterday, they won one to nothing, meaning they go to the gold medal game. Today happened to be a significant day because I got the news that Evgeni flew back before the closing ceremonies and I got a text this morning from James, he wanted me to come to the arena.

I tried to come up with any excuse not to, but the pull at my heart that there would be chance that Geno would be there made me accept the offer and I dragged Autumn with me. I sat in the passenger seat of her car, in the parking lot of the CONSOL energy centre. I sighed and leaned my forehead onto the window.

“He’s definitely here” Autumn said, gesturing to the silver fancy car.

“Yeah” I breathe out, looking at James’ car that was parked just a few spots down. “Let’s go”

“Wait, Tori” Autumn says to stop me, I look at her with a look of confusion. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Look, I know you quit your job” Autumn admits and leans back. “I understand that you didn’t want anyone to know, fuck I don’t want you to move but it’s your dream and none of us want to take that away from you”

“How did you find out?” I asked, and Autumn laughed.

“You tend to leave things on the floor of your bedroom and I found you resignation copy”

“Right” I say laughing.

“Look, you should do what you want and you shouldn’t have to look for Geno to tell you wat to do because we all know he’ll want you to stay”

“I just need to see him, you know?” I say and Autumn nods.

“You’re right, let’s go”

I feel my chest tighten as the butterflies in my stomach brew up a storm. I can already hear the puck on the ice from the moment we walk through the entrance to the ice area. I can see the many players who stayed back, Beau was back on the ice as well and I saw Thomas too, which made Autumn and I throw our fists up in excitement.

Marc-Andre Fleury sees us stumble in and waves at us, yelling at us in french and from the experience I had it sounded like les jolies filles sont de retour. We waved at flower, headed us a flight of stairs and walked to a few rows up from behind the bench.

I didn’t see him yet, meaning he was still getting dressed but I saw Kris Letang and I waved at him, knowing about his health issues. It was a few moments before I saw James, we looked at each other for a moment, smiled and then looked away. As soon as I did, out of the entrance came Geno and my heart sped up a bit.

Evgeni sees Tanger and goes up to hug him, but it doesn’t take long for Tanger to spill the beans about my presence and I lock eyes with him, I instantly blush and hide behind my bangs. The lump in my throat softens when a see a small smile on his face. He skates directly over to James, i’m expecting the worse but with a quick signature fist pump, it was all good.

--

After practice was finished, I sat outside the change room on the floor while Autumn was talking to Marc. James was the first to come out.

“Hey” James says. “Look, I was being selfish when I said what I said”

“It’s ok-”

“It’s not, this may be harsh but I don’t love you”

“Wow, isn’t that supposed to hurt?” I say making him laugh.

“I just wanted you to stay and I panicked” James confesses, he leans down and quickly looks towards the door. “I think you should go in and see him”

“Is he the last person?” I ask, smiling.

“Always” James says. “I think he needs a friend”

I give James a hug, kissing his cheek and he slides his card in the access point for me. I turn into the change room, Geno is sitting in his stall and just staring directly across from him. He doesn’t notice me walking over, until I get beside him and he turns his head.

“Hey” I squeak, smile and then sit in Kunitz’s stall.

“привет” He says and I giggle a bit, knowing what it means.

“Did you get my voicemail?” I ask, Geno turns his head to look at me and nods. “You know I meant every word”

“Da, I need too” Evgeni says, smiling a bit and I smile.