She Ain't You

Today was the day, the movers were just finishing packing up and I was ready for the six hour drive. But what I wasn’t ready for, was to say goodbye and saying goodbye is what I dreaded the most. I had said goodbye to Autumn, Sidney, Keirstyn and Beau upstairs, Keirstyn and Beau were actually moving into the condo, hoping to get out of their low budget apartment. But Evegni stood behind me as I paid the movers and they set on their way to New York. I soon would follow but I could already feel the tears come to my eyes, as they scanned the street, the parking lot and everything else that grew so familiar to me over the years.

I turned around, Evgeni was standing in some light wash jeans that I swear I’ve asked him twenty times to get rid of and a black penguins hoodie, something he’d never let go of. Upon his head, that hung low as he kicked at his feet, was a penguins hat and I couldn’t see his beautiful brown eyes because of it. But I wanted to see them, I wanted to memorize every single feature of his face so everytime I closed my eyes I’d see him.

He perked his head up a bit, looking at me throw his low eyelashes and I hugged my green army jacket closer to me as a small sob got caught in my throat. We had to be a metre and bit away from each other but it only took him to steps to hold me in his arms. My hands grabbed his biceps, holding on so tight, so I wouldn’t forget the feelings of him flexing. I ran them softly up his shoulders and dipped my cold hands into the top of his hoodie, tracing his collar bone. I then ran them up the the back of his neck, running my hands through his very short hair but I finally let out the breath that I didn’t know I was holding in.

“I miss you” He whispers, rubbing my sides and placing a kiss on my neck.

At the beginning, I said that you never know what love is until you experience it but maybe I was wrong. Love is just a word, people say it all the time, throw it around like it has no meaning and I used to absolutely hate that, but it’s because it modern day, love is just a word. A word in which seems so big to say out loud, but the stories behind it hold special memories.

What I feel when I’m with Evgeni doesn’t have a name, it can’t be described but it’s one of a kind. And I’m sure it is with all our friends, all our stories are different but the feelings they feel isn’t something they can describe.

Evgeni and I had to be standing in front of the complex for twenty minutes before I pulled away, pushing my lips on his and trying to savor the taste and feeling. But I pulled away, smiling a bit, my nose brushes passed his and he kisses my forehead.

“I love you” He whispers into my hairline.

“I love you too”

One more squeeze and I was opening the car door, climbing in and turning it on. Now all I had to do was press on the gas and everything I ever dreamed of was right in front of me. But everything stopped, the job didn’t seem to matter anymore and all I could ever dream about for the last few years were being with him. And that’s when I broke down, all the stress I built inside me flew out and I placed my forehead on the steering wheel. It wasn’t long before the car door opened and his calloused hands were on my thighs, turning me to face him as he kneels down.

“What, what?” He asks softly, taking hands away from my face when I tried to shield it.

“I can’t leave” I say, shaking my head. “This is what I’ve dreamed of, you, this, my friends and now I’m giving it up for some fantasy”

“It no fantasy” He states, dragging a thumb under my eye to wipe the tears away. “I know you, you want big building, big windows, big office and coffee”

“I’m sure I could get that here though”

“Every time we at store, you pick up rolling stone magazine” He states and I shrug.

“Yeah, so”

“So, you like magazine, yeah?”

“Of course I do, it’s the Rolling Stone, G!” I push, he rolls his eyes and laughs because he doesn’t understand the fame of the magazine.

“We go to New York together, once?” He asks and I nod. “Your face brighten at the name of city, you love New York”

“But I love you”

“I love you too, but I want you to go and do something you love”

“I could-” I start saying, but Geno puts his hand over my mouth and shakes his head.

“No time for dirty talk”

“But G-”

“No, you help me live my dream and now my turn to help” He says, both cupping my face and kissing my lips. “Now go”

--

Now it wasn’t all that bad, once I got settle in my new apartment and my new office, I felt totally comfortable in the big city lifestyle. Of course pittsburgh was pretty big but not as big, crowded and as beautiful as New York City. But I loved it anyway, but New York City indeed was the place I wanted to be, for now anyway.

Geno did come to visit, just before the playoffs he suffered a foot injury and was issued a few days of rest, so he made the trip up and he helped me set a few small things up. But mostly we spent time creating little traditions, something to look forward to. But when Geno did have to go back to Pittsburgh, he did create a little tradition of his own.

Evgeni had left in the morning, I was upset but also excited to see him be able to go onto the ice again. I had gotten a bit more done at work, introducing myself even more to coworkers and even fell into a small routine that I seemed to be content with. When I turned the corner, I saw a vase of flowers on the doorstep of my apartment. I smiled to myself and unlocked the door before picking them up and setting them down on the counter.

I took out my phone and my laptop from my bag, untied my hair and then leaned on the counter before taking the card in my hands and opening it. I smiled and laughed, knowing he heard the song I replayed on many occasions during his visit.

She may be pretty
She's something new
But that means nothing
She ain't you - G