I Will Always Want You.

I woke up to the sound of water running. The left side of my bed was empty, and I groggily realize John got up to take a shower. I roll over and take up the unoccupied space, allowing myself to go back to sleep. I climb out of bed about an hour later, with the house now quiet.
Assuming John left early for a meeting with the band, I make my way downstairs to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast, my thoughts of him and how hard he's working himself. They got back from tour just a few days ago, yet he was still waking up this early to talk about future plans. He even mentioned getting started on demos for the next album. It didn't bother me or make me upset, but I was just worried that he wasn't allowing himself enough time to rest. It made me wonder if maybe there was something on his mind. Did he need some kind of distraction?
Sighing, I pop some bread into the toaster and begin rummaging through our cabinets for peanut butter. Spotting it on the top shelf, I rise on my tippy toes but with no luck. I prop one of my knees up on the counter and stretch my arm out, still not reaching. Why did I let him unload groceries? He was so damn tall. He was never putting groceries away again.
My fingers touch the side of the jar, pushing it back. I groan and jump when I hear a familiar chuckle. John comes up behind me, grabbing the jar for me and kissing my cheek, a smirk teasing his lips. He looked amused at the sight of me bending backwards and nearly losing my wits for some peanut butter.
"Why do you put things on the very top shelf if you know I'm shorter than you?" I huff, hopping off the counter. He raises an eyebrow, pinning me against the counter. A full smirk is visible now. "I'll put everything on the top shelf if it means you reaching for it."
I blush, knowing he got a good view of me in just a pair of underwear and his long sleeved shirt.
The toaster goes off with a click, the toast ready. I make my way over, opening up the jar of peanut butter. "So where'd you go?"
"A walk," he mumbles, handing me a spoon. That would explain why he was back already. But if he didn't visit the guys, that was more worrisome.
I bite my lip. "Just a walk?"
He nods. "It's nice out."
"Oh."
A silence falls over us and I offer to make him something to eat. But he merely runs a hand through his hair and says, "It's okay. I'm gonna go upstairs."
He leaves the kitchen and I finish up my peanut butter sandwich, taking a big bite out of it. Why was he being so ambiguous? He usually talked to me when there was something bothering him. Was he mad at me?
I eat my sandwich and decide to join him upstairs. My eyebrows furrow when I hear the distant sound of water from the bathroom. I know I hadn't imagined it this morning. It woke me up. But why would he be showering again?
Slipping in through the door, I push the curtain aside to take a peak. He was rinsing shampoo out of his hair, the suds pouring down his face. He wipes his nose and mouth, letting the water wash away the rest. I stare at him, breath taken for a moment. So breath taken that I'm compelled to step in behind him, fully clothed...well, sorta.
My arms slip around his waist as I kiss the center of his back. "What are you doing in the shower, silly? I thought you took one in the morning."
He sighs, turning to face me and taking my face firmly in his hands and kissing me deeply. I blink before closing my eyes, leaning into him and wrapping my arms around his neck. His tongue danced with mine, the feeling of his hands sliding down my body sending shivers through my bones. I could feel the desire pooling at the pit of my stomach, making my breathing uneven.
I hear him groan and he pulls away, his eyebrows drawn together.
"What's wrong?" I ask him.
"I did something," he mutters. "It was on tour. I-I didn't mean it."
My heart sinks to my stomach, not expecting that at all. Is that why he was acting weird?
I swallow thickly. "John? What did you do?" My grip tightens around his neck, anticipating the worst.
"It was Joey," he whispers. "I kissed Joey."
His ex? He kissed his ex? When? How? Why?
Although a part of me gets ripped apart, I was relieved that was it.
I let my arms fall and try to figure out how to handle this information.
He bites his lip. "D-Darlin'? Please say something."
I shake my head and press my lips to his, resuming our hungry kiss. I pull away to look him in the eye. "This doesn't mean I'm not completely fucking pissed at you. I'm the only you're allowed to kiss and the only one allowed to kiss you. Don't ever do it again."
John looks at me, baffled. "I-I...that's it? You're just mad? No slap in the face?"
I glare at him. "Would you like one?"
"No!" he replies. "That's okay, I just-I didn't think you'd be so understanding."
"It doesn't mean that it makes it okay," I sigh. "Don't think it's okay for you to do those things. I'm not going to forgive you all the time. If you start taking advantage of me, I swear to God-"
"I wouldn't do that," he interrupts. He moves the wet strands of hair out of my face. "I'd never take advantage of you. You don't know how scared I was that you'd leave me. But I had to tell you because you deserved to know the truth. I feel like such a fucking idiot."
I nod my head. "How about you finish up and we can talk in a more...dry place?"
John smiles. "If you say so."
He shuts off the water and grabs his towel, drying his hair before tying it around his waist. He looks at me, pulling my soaked shirt over my head and handing me a new towel. He gives me a small smirk. "You might want to take off those wet underwear, too."
I roll my eyes, but do as he says before wrapping myself in the towel.
We walk into the bedroom, quickly getting dressed and sitting on the bed across from each other. I wait for him to start talking.
"She was at a show," he sighs. "And she stayed after to talk. I ended up inviting her onto the bus so no one would see us. And I just...I don't know. I think it was just in the moment. But I didn't feel anything."
I could feel my throat closing up but I couldn't do anything about what happened other than accept it.
"Okay," I say, wanting to end the discussion with that.
"I don't get it. Why aren't you as mad at me as you should be?"
"Because John," I croak. "As much as it hurts, what's done is done. And it would be pointless to push you away because of it. Not to mention it would hurt even more."
He frowns and reaches for my hand. "I don't want you to just let this go."
"And why the hell would I hold onto it?" I snap. "I'm not a pushover, John, but I'm not some sorry girlfriend that likes to dwell on shit."
"I'm sorry," he mumbles. "I didn't want to make you upset. I just feel like I deserve a lot worse." He sighs in exasperation. "I don't deserve you."
I shake my head. "This isn't about who deserves what. It's about forgiving, and not making the same mistake twice." I pause for a moment and take a deep breath. "I need to know that she's out of your system."
He looked taken aback that I was even asking that question. He knew how I felt about Joey and frankly, I was jealous of what they had had. I was more intimidated of it than anything. "I..."
"I know it's not easy getting over someone. I know you still think about her. But what I don't know is if you'd ever think about going back to her."
John shakes his head, more bewildered than before. "How could you think that? You're right, there are times that I can't help but think about her. But...you actually think that I would leave you for her?"
I shrug, staring down at my feet. "You two have a history."
"Baby," he groans. "No. I hate to break it to you, but you're wrong about that. You're the most important girl in my life, next to my own mother."
I laugh. "Jenny and me are two completely different things."
"Which is why I love you more," he mutters, smiling sheepishly. "Don't tell her I said that."
John pulls me into his lap, brushing his lips against my temple. "You can break my heart to get back at me any day, sweetheart. You're the only one I want even in it."
"Diddo, ya dork," I giggle, resting my head on his shoulder. "I love you."