Text Messages
1/1
I lean against the half empty shelf of cheap $2 nail polish, anxiety filling me more than usual. Madison continues to blab on and on about makeup with me occasionally giving input. He and I were having this conversation again, and this time I was in the middle of fucking Walgreens struggling to hold back tears that fought against my waterproof eyeliner. My phone flashes, indicating that he texted back.
“Are you really okay though?”
I quickly text back my honest answer, “No” before pulling on a fake smile and helping Madison find the best red lipstick for her complexion. I pick out a darker red, almost identical to the one I was wearing and hand it to her. She shoves it in the basket and continues talking.
“Well then tell someone...”
I scoff and angrily type, “I can’t. I have to be normal”
Madison leads me towards the perfume and we begin to try on the almost empty free-samples; we agree that the Jennifer Lopez one smells the best.
“But you're not, there’s a problem that can be solved, you just need someone to help you. I know I sound like a broken record but it’s true”
My eyes begin to tear; I blame it on the perfume. “Why are you nice to me? I’m a really shitty person”
He’s texting back faster now. “You're not; you're just in a shitty situation.”
Madison drags me to the hair sprays and gels. Quickly after we’re by the lotions and body mists and honestly my head was throbbing more than usual due to the scents.
I step aside and pull out my phone. “But I am a shitty person. I fuck up everything.”
“You don’t though.”
Why can’t he grasp the fact that he cannot change my view of myself?
“Who are you texting; him again?” Madison asks as she turns around.
I nod quickly as my thumbs touch the screen of my phone at a fast pace. “Yes I do. You haven’t seen me screw up something yet but eventually I will and you won’t be my friend anymore.”
Just as I go to pocket my phone, it buzzes again.
“It’s talk like that which could upset people. You aren't a bad person.”
By now, tears are actually rolling down my cheeks. I rub them away, probably fucking up my makeup at the same time. I make up an excuse to go to the other aisle alone as I wipe away the tears. “I wish I could believe that”
I collect myself and pretend to be fine. Everything is okay and Madison and I are looking at the Arizona Teas.
Almost ten minutes later the phone buzzes.
“You should have to think like this”
I can’t respond anymore without bawling, so I just let the conversation end at that.
“Are you really okay though?”
I quickly text back my honest answer, “No” before pulling on a fake smile and helping Madison find the best red lipstick for her complexion. I pick out a darker red, almost identical to the one I was wearing and hand it to her. She shoves it in the basket and continues talking.
“Well then tell someone...”
I scoff and angrily type, “I can’t. I have to be normal”
Madison leads me towards the perfume and we begin to try on the almost empty free-samples; we agree that the Jennifer Lopez one smells the best.
“But you're not, there’s a problem that can be solved, you just need someone to help you. I know I sound like a broken record but it’s true”
My eyes begin to tear; I blame it on the perfume. “Why are you nice to me? I’m a really shitty person”
He’s texting back faster now. “You're not; you're just in a shitty situation.”
Madison drags me to the hair sprays and gels. Quickly after we’re by the lotions and body mists and honestly my head was throbbing more than usual due to the scents.
I step aside and pull out my phone. “But I am a shitty person. I fuck up everything.”
“You don’t though.”
Why can’t he grasp the fact that he cannot change my view of myself?
“Who are you texting; him again?” Madison asks as she turns around.
I nod quickly as my thumbs touch the screen of my phone at a fast pace. “Yes I do. You haven’t seen me screw up something yet but eventually I will and you won’t be my friend anymore.”
Just as I go to pocket my phone, it buzzes again.
“It’s talk like that which could upset people. You aren't a bad person.”
By now, tears are actually rolling down my cheeks. I rub them away, probably fucking up my makeup at the same time. I make up an excuse to go to the other aisle alone as I wipe away the tears. “I wish I could believe that”
I collect myself and pretend to be fine. Everything is okay and Madison and I are looking at the Arizona Teas.
Almost ten minutes later the phone buzzes.
“You should have to think like this”
I can’t respond anymore without bawling, so I just let the conversation end at that.