Have Faith in Me

I was standing by the craft services table, eating the turkey sandwich I’d just made and texting Arlo, when Jensen came out of nowhere.

“Alright, man,” He said, looking serious, “You’ve been avoiding my questions for weeks, who are you texting? I know it’s a girl and your sister wants to know too.”

“Why’s it a big deal?” I asked through a mouthful of sandwich.

"Oh, I don't know." Jensen muttered sarcastically, "How about the fact that you're hiding something from your best friend?"

"I'm not hiding it, it's just not anything," I paused, choosing my words carefully, "She and I are just friends; it's not serious right now."

“So why can’t you tell us about her if she’s just a friend,” Jensen quipped with a raised eyebrow.

"Her name is Arlo, she lives in New York, we met at the Dallas airport," I rattled off, taking another bite, "Happy?"

“A little,” He said, “She hot?” I rolled my eyes at him and pulled up my favorite picture of Arlo before handing my phone over to Jensen, “Nice, buddy.”

“I’m sure my sister appreciates you saying that.”

“She knows I look, but I never touch,” He glanced up from my phone to me then back down. I watched, mortified as he slid his thumb across the screen, going to the next picture, “WHAT IS THAT?” He trust the phone back into my hands, knocking my sandwich to the ground, “THAT IS NOT JUST FRIENDS!”

“You don’t scroll through someone else’s pictures!” I said, glancing at the phone to see a picture of myself, naked in front of my bathroom mirror. Embarrassment and anger flashed over me, “Not a word to anyone, Jensen.”

“You’re sexting! What if she sells that to someone, man?”

“She won’t,” I said, knowing that I had sent the photo days ago and that Arlo wasn’t the type of person to do something like that. Even if she had wanted to it would have already been all over.

“You gotta be careful with that stuff,” Jensen said as I bent down to pick up what was left of my lunch and drop it in the trash can.

“I will,” I said with a nod, knowing his concern was genuine and well intended, “I’m going to head back to my trailer for a little bit. I’ll see you on set.”

“Alright, man.”

I ran my hand through my long hair, unable to shake my embarrassment. While I walked, I dialed Arlo to share my embarrassment.

“Hello?” A male voice asked, making me double check the number to make sure I’d called the right one.

“Who’s this?” I half asked, half demanded.

“Austin,” He answered, “I just realized this is Arlo’s phone, not mine. Sorry, dude. She must have left it here when she went to work.” I hung up angrily, what the fuck was she doing at another guy’s house? I turned around and headed back to where I’d left Jensen, needing to talk to him.



“Hey,” Austin said, popping his head out of his bedroom. I was tearing the apartment apart, looking for my phone. I’d been called into work for an emergency and in my rush, I’d left it behind but for the life of me I couldn’t remember where.

“Hey, have you seen my phone?” I asked, Austin and I both had black Iphones, and neither of us used a case, “I don’t know where I left it.”

“It’s on top of the t.v. stand,” He said, “I picked it up by mistake this morning, I’m sorry. Some guy called for you, he didn’t sound too happy.”

“Oh,” I said, spotting my phone and picking it up, “Did he say anything?”

“Just asked who I was,” Austin leaned against the frame of his door, he wasn’t wearing a shirt, “Are you seeing someone?”

“Does it matter?” I asked my tone showing my annoyance.

“I’m just curious,” Austin replied, he knew he’d overstepped the lines we had agreed upon.

“Well,” I said, heading for my room, “Don’t worry about it.” I shut my door loudly behind me before calling Jared. He didn’t answer. I paced around my room for a few minutes, all the possibilities of what he could be thinking going through my head. I called again.

“Yeah?” Jared answered his phone.

“Hey, do you have a minute?” I asked, knowing he was mad.

“I guess so,” He replied.

“I got called into work and I forgot my phone,” I said, “I know you’re probably wondering who that was that answered and I know you’re probably mad-“

“A little,” He interjected.

“Can I explain?” I asked, I took his silence as a yes, “Four months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. We still share our apartment because we’d just renewed our lease before we broke up. I can’t afford to live here by myself and he can’t either. We agreed to both still live here and we have rules, he doesn’t get involved in my life, I don’t get involved in his-“

“You live with your ex?”

“Yeah,” I answered.

“And you didn’t think I should know about that? I know we’re just friends, but you know I have feelings for you, Arlo.”

I felt my heartbeat quicken, “Y-you never told me that.”

“It wasn’t obvious? The…conversations we’ve been having, the pictures?” He sounded frustrated, “Come on. You can’t think I do that with every girl.”

“I didn’t want to assume anything,” I mumbled, feeling stupid.

“Well, now you know for sure,” He said.

“I have feelings for you too,” I confessed, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“I’m sorry for being rude to you,” He returned, “I’m sorry for assuming.”

“I understand why you would have,” I said, “So, what are you doing?”

The rest of our conversation was relaxed like it normally was with lots of laughter from us both and it went on for three hours. We had talked about visiting one another and what we would do spending time together in person. After we’d hung up, I opened the browser on my phone and type Jared’s name into google – again. I looked at some of the fan blogs and posts about him and began feeling strangely jealous. There were pages and pages of girls going on about what they’d like to do to him, ogling him, talking about how sexy he was. Despite our revelation about our feelings for one another, nothing had been set in stone. I steeled my nerves and typed out a message to Jared.

What are we?

I laid there in the dark, waiting for his response and watching the clock.

What do you want it to be? Was his response.

I exhaled, nerves overwhelming me, I don’t want to share. I pressed send before I could change my mind.

I don’t either.

I smiled, I was happy to have gotten the answer I wanted.