Die for You

It was a rather cold morning when I got up, I got out of bed without waking Andy and I went to shower and change into a CM Punk shirt that I had cut up, his new one that had 'Best Since Day One' on the back. I pulled my hair into a ponytail before putting on my black skinny jeans on. I then went downstairs to check my Twitter and my Instagram and Tumblr tags. I went through my instagram, I saw some really sweet comments on my pics from some of my fans and some of the BVB Army, the BVB Army have been so supportive of me being with Andy and our relationship. Some, on the other hand, weren't so supportive of us. I looked through the comments and saw some haters calling me a bitch, and that I use Andy for fame. I kept reading them, they called me every curse name in the book. And I had no idea what was the cause of all this. But it hurt. A lot. I just didn't pay attention to it, until now. I turned my phone and laptop off and I went outside to get some air. I then tried to wrap my head around this. Like, what did I do to deserve this hatred? Like, all I did was fall head over heels in love with Andy Biersack. Is that a bad thing? I thought. I love Andy. He loves me. I don't deserve the Pipebombs. I really don't. I sighed as the tears began to fall down my face. I dabbed them away but it didn't stop the pain I was feeling. I went back inside after smoking my cigarette and I went to curl up on the couch and just cry. I began to sob softly, so that I wouldn't wake Andy up. I heard the pitter-patter of feet and saw that Crow and Phantom had woken up. I looked down and saw that Phantom was pawing my hand and mewing softly. Crow rubbed his head against my leg. I picked Phantom up first and then Crow. Phantom curled up in my lap in a ball, purring. Crow walked up my chest and he nuzzled my face, as if he knew I was crying. I stroked his fur with my fingertips and Crow just mewed. He then lay onto my chest, his head on me, looking me in the eyes with sad eyes.

I didn't deserve the hatred. It really hurt me and it tore my heart in half. It hurts knowing that I have haters out there that hate me for being with Andy. Being with the guy of my dreams. They don't get that Andy makes me super happy and they think it's all a game and a lie and that we aren't really together. That hurts a lot. I just wanted to curl up and hide. I couldn't face anyone right now. I then stood up from the couch after giving Phantom and Crow kisses and I just went into the studio to work on a song to get this off my mind. As I played the guitar and tried to work, the insults got to me. I stopped and put the guitar down and just continued to cry. I then grabbed another cigarette and while I was smoking it, I then decided to take the same burning cigarette and I burnt the skin on my left hip. And when I did so, the pain just began to go away and I could regain my focus. I rolled my CM Punk shirt over it, gritted my teeth at the pain as I did so. I then grabbed the guitar and began to write the chorus for a new song that I hadn't given a title to yet:

I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow
I don't wanna live like this today
Make me feel better
I wanna feel better
Stay with me here now
And never surrender

I glanced at the paper and then I put down the pen and sighed before I heard Andy come downstairs and I closed up my notebook and I walked out. Andy was shirtless, wearing his Batman pajamas. I couldn't look at him for long before another crying spree came over me. I blinked tears from my eyes. Andy's simple smile turned serious when he had seen that I've been crying.

"Faith," Andy pulled me to him, my grey eyes meeting his icy blue eyes. "Is everything all right?"

I looked away from my Light and I began to cry again. Andy enclosed me in his arms and he stroked my hair. Tears fell down my face as I cried and Andy's hand stroked my back gently.

"Shh, Faith. It's okay. It's okay, baby. I'm here. I'm here." He murmured. "Everything's gonna be allright, Faith. Shh."

I sobbed and sobbed as Andy comforted me. He then just pulled me to the couch with him and I just buried myself into his chest. His warmth comforted me in the best way possible. He then began to softly quote Edgar Allan Poe's 'Evening Star' to me.

"Proud Evening Star," Andy whispered. "In thy glory afar, and dearer thy beam shall be, for joy to my heart is the proud part, thou bearest at heaven at night and more I admire thy distant fire, than that colder lowly light."

I then began to calm myself down as Andy's fingers stroked my hair again and ran through my hair again.

"What's going on, Faith?" Andy asked, his fingers stopping at the bottom of my hair. I leaned my head up and looked into the soft but worried icy blue eyes of my Light. So I told him. I told him about all the hateful comments and insults on my Twitter and Instagram. Andy cupped my face with his hand.

"Don't listen to them, my love. Whatever they say is not true." Andy told me. "I don't let them affect me. You shouldn't let them do the same thing to you."

"But, those things they said," I sniffled. "They really hurt me."

"Shh." Andy kissed my temple. "They're not true. Don't listen to them or let them affect you. They're nothing on you. You're beautiful, talented and you have the most amazing voice. Besides, you're way stronger than this. Way stronger."

I sniffled and looked away from my Light's icy blue stare.

"Hey," Andy's fingers lifted my chin, making my eyes meet his again. "Look at me. It's okay. We'll get through this, baby. I promise you everything will be just fine."

I just nodded and moved closer to my Light, letting him comfort me more. He began to softly sing 'Saviour' to me and he kissed cheek, jawline and nose to try to make me smile, which I gave him a small one in return and Andy kissed my lips softly before continuing to sing.

Over the next few days, I began to change, I was in a very dark place, I was still burning myself with the cigarettes and the lighter and I was in a deep depression and I began to drink a lot when I hung out with Bam and Rob, Travis and Kat and they noticed my changes. They knew that things weren't right. I felt weak and broken. I didn't feel like me, I didn't feel stronger. I had no urge to write anymore songs or to even skate anymore. I would just curl up in bed and cry my pain away. It also made me shove Andy away. Andy and I got into a few fights as well. I couldn't help myself. I felt like a broken person. I was locked up in the darkness and I knew that there was no way out. One night when I was burning myself, I realized that I couldn't live like this anymore. I couldn't. I needed Andy's help. I needed his Light to guide me out of this darkness that I pulled myself into. I then heard the bedroom door open and I quickly put away the lighter I used to burn myself into my pocket. Andy came in and I smiled slightly at him. Andy returned my smile as well. He noticed that something wasn't right but he didn't bring it up. I then shifted onto the bed and then he saw the scars on my left hip.

"What the hell are those?" Andy said. I then covered them up with my Young & Reckless sweater quickly. He saw them. Shit. Andy then grabbed my hand and exposed my hip again and he got nauseated from seeing the burns. Tears just filled my eyes as Andy looked at me.

"Why, Faith? Why would you damage your beautiful body like this?" Andy's voice became a soft murmur. I began to cry and Andy took me into his arms.

"Hey," Andy whispered. "It's okay. Sh. It's allright, my love."

"No, it's not." I whimpered. "I saw that look on your face when you saw the marks."

Andy then moved a strand of hair from my face.

"I had that look because seeing this scared me," He told me. "You're so much better and stronger than this, baby."

"I don't know what to do, Andy." I sniffled. "I can't live like this."

"Then, let me in." He murmured. "Don't push me away, Faith. All I've been trying to do is help you. Just let me do that. You're my Faith. Let me be your Light. Let me guide you out of this."

I nodded and Andy just kissed my forehead gently, he just ran his fingers through my hair again in a soft motion. I held onto him like he was the only thing I had. I never should've shoved Andy out and then fight against him. I should've let him in and guide me out of my darkness. That would've been the smarter choice.

"Light," I said. Andy's eyes met mine again, his fingers moved to cup my face. "I'm sorry for pushing you away. I should've let you help me. I-I just got scared and panicked."

"Sh." Andy kissed my temple softly. "It's okay, Faith. I forgive you. And I'm sorry for all the things we fought about. I didn't mean those things, my love."

"I know you didn't, Light." I whispered. "I forgive you."

Andy just kissed my lips softly and he held me closer to him. We pulled apart and he leaned his head against mine, and our hands intertwined.

"Just promise me something, love." Andy told me. "Don't ever do this to your body again. Because when you did this to yourself, it broke my heart and it made me feel like I couldn't protect you and there was nothing I could do to stop it."

"I promise." I told him. "And don't say you didn't protect me, Andy. You protect me plenty. I love you."

Andy kissed the bridge of my nose and that rewarded him with one of my giggles, and he smiled in relief because he hadn't seen me giggle in a while.

"I love you too, Lacey." He said. "I'll always love you."

I smiled and then I kissed him again before realizing about that half written song I had left in the studio, I had enough motivation to finish it now. I then pulled away from Andy and then I let him go, I stood up and left the room.

"Faith? Where you going?" He called out.

"Hold on, Light!" I said, walking downstairs to our studio. I grabbed the notebook that I left on the desk and headed back up to our room. I finally had the perfect way to finish the song I was writing. I sat down on our bed next to Andy, CM Punk style and then I began to write the rest of it. Andy sat up and then he saw me working on it.

"I didn't know you had another song in the works," Andy said. I nodded and I continued to write the body of the song. After finishing up the lyrics and the chorus, it was finally done.

"Yeah, I did." I replied. "I just need a title for it."

Andy took my notebook and he saw the finished song written on the paper:

Do you know what it's like when
You're scared to see yourself?
Do you know what it's like when
You wish you were someone else
Who didn't need your help to get by?
Do you know what it's like
To wanna surrender?

I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow
I don't wanna live like this today
Make me feel better
I wanna feel better
Stay with me here now
And never surrender

Do you know what it's like when
You're not who you wanna be?
Do you know what it's like to
Be your own worst enemy
Who sees the things in me I can't hide?
Do you know what it's like
to wanna surrender?

I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow
I don't wanna live like this today
Make me feel better
I wanna feel better
Stay with me here now
And never surrender

Make me feel better,
You make me feel better,
You make me feel better,
Put me back together.

I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow
I don't wanna live like this today
Make me feel better
I wanna feel better
Stay with me here now
And never surrender

Put me back together,
Never surrender,
Make me feel better.
You make me feel better,
Stay with me here now,
And never surrender.

Andy read the words not once but twice before thinking of the title for the song. He thought about it for a few moments before it came to him. He smiled brightly.

"How about 'Never Surrender'?" Andy asked. Never Surrender? I thought about it before deciding to go with it. It was an amazing title and I had enough experience to back it up in this song.

"Never Surrender?" I said, leaning to kiss Andy on the cheek. "I like it. Thank you, Light."

(A\N: Not really her song, but credits go to Skillet. xo xo xo xo ~Tigerstar)

"No problem, Faith." Andy kissed my cheek. "This song is gonna be a beautiful song when I hear it."

I smiled at him and just pecked his lips gently.

"This song," I told him. "I want someone else to do this song with me. I want it to be a duet."

"Who would you wanna pick to do this song with?" Andy said. I had to decided about who I wanted to do the song with. I bit down on my dark red nails for a moment. It was hard, I had so many different choices to choose from. My mind then made a decision. I wanted Corey Taylor to do this song with me. Besides his voice would be perfect for a gritty rock song like this one.

"I want Corey Taylor," I explained. "His voice would be perfect for this song."

"Corey Taylor?" Andy raised a brow. "That's cool. I like it."

I smiled and then I grabbed my phone and went onto Twitter. Corey Taylor and I met at the Golden Gods, we became really good friends after that. Corey's the singer for Slipknot and Stone Sour. I figured he would love to jump at this opportunity to sing with me. I then sent out the Tweet to Corey.

@LaceyBlackburn: Here's a good question, would @CoreyTaylorRock like to sing a song with me? Do a duet for my album?

In a matter of minutes, Corey responded to my Tweet.

@CoreyTaylorRock: @LaceyBlackburn I would love to do the song with you. What's the title?

@LaceyBlackburn: @CoreyTaylorRock It's called 'Never Surrender'. @AndyBVB came up with the title. :)

@CoreyTaylorRock: @LaceyBlackburn Awesome! Text me the details and I'll make it to the studio as soon as possible!

I smiled brightly and then I went to text Corey all the details about the song and the address to Adam's studio. I was excited that Corey Taylor was going to sing with me! That was going to make my music career go up on another level!

"So, what did Corey Taylor say?" Andy asked. I grinned happily.

"He said he'll do the song with me." I told him. "I'm so excited, Andy."

He chuckled at my response and I then decided to head to bed early with Andy so that I could get up and start fresh. The next morning, I dressed in a dress that was white with black skulls on it and my combat boots. My hair was in a ponytail. Andy and I arrived, hand in hand at the studio before Adam showed up. I told Adam about my new song that I was doing with Corey Taylor and he was into it and he said it was a great idea to have him come in. A few minutes later, Corey came inside. He was dressed in a black t-shirt, grey jeans and a pair of nifty black Converse. He wore a black fedora hat.

"Well, well." Corey said, with an amused smile on his face. "If it isn't Lacey Blackburn?"

I chuckled and stood up from the couch, placing my notebook down in Andy's lap.

"Corey Taylor," I giggled. "Why am I not surprised? It's so good to see you."

"You too," Corey replied with a laugh. "So, let's see this song you've been telling me about."

I picked up my notebook and handed it to him. Corey sat on the couch with me, he looked over the song carefully a couple of times before a smile came across his face.

"This sounds amazing," Corey told me. "So, tell me, Lace, where do you want me to come in?"

"Well, I want you to come in when I sing the first chorus," I said. "You can sing the second part of the lyric and then join me for the second chorus, I sing the last lyric, then we come in for the chorus and then close it all out after the bridge."

"Sounds good," Corey nodded. I smiled before we got to work on the song together, Corey had brought his guitar with him and he played it as I began to sing the first part of the song and we joined in at the chorus and I listened as he began the second part of the song and we joined in at the chorus and then I began the third part and we closed it up after the bridge. After we sang together, Adam and Andy clapped and I smiled.

"Amazing," Adam said. "I love the chemistry that you two have in this song. We need to get this thing recorded and released as soon as possible."

"As if we have chemistry," Corey chuckled and I punched him in the arm. He gasped and grabbed his arm in mock pain. I rolled my eyes.

"Asshat," I muttered and he laughed and that made Andy and Adam join in before Adam shooed me and Corey into the recording booth to sing it all again. When we heard it over again, it sounded amazing and all it needed was the rock music and it would be an amazing track for the album. I turned to Corey and I gave him a hug and I just pecked him on the cheek.

"Thank you for doing this for me, Cor." I said. "Means a lot."

Corey smiled and he hugged me back.

"Anytime." Corey told me. "Let me know when you decide to release this thing."

I nodded before hugging him again before I took some shots of all of us, me, Andy, Corey and Adam and I posted them onto my Twitter and Instagram. On my Twitter:

@LaceyBlackburn: Had an amazing time today with @AndyBVB in @AdamLevine's studio working on a new song with @CoreyTaylorRock called 'Never Surrender'! Coming soon!

My Instagram: thelaceyblackburn: in the studio with @adamlevine today, did a new song with @coreytaylorrock called 'Never Surrender' and it sounds amazing! Can't wait for you guys to hear it!

I hardly ever pay attention to the hateful comments and I block the haters off my Instagram now if they insult me now. I became the better person and I became stronger and I don't let those words affect me anymore. It was the start of a long recovery, but with Andy by my side and my friends, I would make it through it all.