The Pain of Remembering

“I really think Alexis has a crush on Landon,” John stated as he sat down in the grass. “She always blushes and giggles when he looks at her or talks to her. It’s actually pretty funny too watch them. I know I keep telling you this but now Dan and I are almost 100% sure that Landon likes her too. We keep joking that he’s going to be her first boyfriend,” He placed flowers down at the grave he was facing. It was Ally’s, of course, and still looked brand new even after three years. He sighed, “Gosh you should see our little girl now. She has your smile and sense of humor, Ally. She’s just like a mini you. Always running around, making jokes, and pulling pranks. Derick helped her sew my suit jacket shut after our game last night. She still hasn’t stopped laughing about it, neither has Brass. She’s a great at drawing too, best in the class, just like you are… were.”

He leaned back slightly and looked up at the sky; it was a decent day. The sun was shining but there were dark clouds rolling in with the promise of a shower later. He looks back and touched the grave, lightly dragging his shaking fingers over it.

“I forget sometimes… that you’re here… Derick walks through the door of the apartment and I think it’s you for a second… Every time that happens he just gives me a sad look and shakes his head slightly. It’s been three years but it’s still hard. I still think that one day you’re just going to walk through the door smiling and everything would go back to normal.” He sniffles a bit, pulling his knees to his chest.

The wind blew slightly and a piece of paper blew up from under the flowers. He looked at it, confused as to where it came from. He didn’t remember it being here when he showed up, then again he wasn’t paying too much attention.

He picked it up; opening it he found it was written by Derick to Ally not even a day ago . He started to read it:

Dear Ally,
I know you can’t read this but I felt kind of awkward talking out loud to a gravestone and there’s practices taking up all my time. So I guess I’ll just leave you a letter here…
It’s been just over three years since you… you know… As you could probably guess Johnny was pretty lost at first. He was stuck in a depressive state for a while. Didn’t get up in the morning, wouldn’t go to practice no matter how much I begged him, and I ended up taking care of Alexis most of the time. He barely went to practice and when he did he was dead silent. He was just a mess.

John remembered those times. He barely ate or slept or did anything. He never got up unless he had to. Just sat in their bed and cried while flipping through old pictures of her. No matter how much any of the guys begged he would just ignore them until they finally left. It took Derick literally dragging him out of the bed to get him up and throwing the photos across the room, to finally snap him out of it slightly. Then he went back to practice again but wouldn’t say anything. All of the guys gave him sad looks and tried to get him talking but he would just sit there. His playing was not where it should’ve been and they threatened to kick him off the team multiple times to try and get him to snap out of it.

But oh, Ally, you should see him now. You’d be so proud. He’s helped us win the cup and seems genuinely happy for the first time in these last three years. He’s smiling and joking around like old times. It’s a great thing to witness after those dark times he went through. But that happened a while ago. Now I’m moved in with them, helping take care of your little girl. She’s so much like you, Ally. She’s like a mini version of you and I think Johnny would agree with me on that one. She’s a ray of sunshine.

Everyone misses you still. Alexis still draws pictures of you; Johnny brings you up sometimes, showing her the photographs of you two together. It’s actually really cute seeing them together on the couch looking at pictures, he starts telling stories, I add in my two cents then Alexis starts laughing. It’s nice being able to bring you up and all the happy memories without Johnny breaking down crying, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Speaking of the devil he’s home now. I don’t want him knowing about this. Well… Until next time? Junior and Alexis are safe under my wings; don’t worry about them too much.
From,
Derick

John sat there for a second, taking it in, and then started laughing. He put the letter down and tried to stop himself.

“What does that French-Canadian not find awkward? Really! First his bum injury and now he can’t talk to an inanimate object. He’s ridiculous, don’t you agree, Ally?” He froze.

In that moment it started raining, pouring just like that. He sighed and stood up, placing the letter under the flowers so it wouldn’t get too wet.

“I miss you, Ally! I love you and will always love you no matter what! I’ll be back tomorrow! Maybe with Alexis if I can convince her to come!” He called over his shoulder as he walked away. He smiled slightly to himself, as he hailed a cab, knowing somehow that she was looking down on him.