Two Pieces of a Broken Heart

"How's things with Alex?" Zack asked me after us sitting in silence for fifteen minutes. Alex had the girls and I just needed out of the house so I had him meet me for lunch. I needed my best friend to tell me what to do. I'm still insanely confused on what to do about Alex. It’s been almost two weeks since mine and Alex’s therapy session, if you can call it that. It’s been a good time though. We did what Dr. Peterson told us to do, we spent an hour a day with each other just talking and getting to know each other again. The first couple of days were awkward because even though we haven’t been in each other lives in over three years we still know each other pretty well. We know the other’s quirks and what makes the other tick. Plus it was hard not to talk about Lisa. Every time her name came into play or the wedding came up, things got tense and then very quiet. That’s usually when we would side step and start talking about the girls. As amazing as it is to have him back in my life, I still don't know if I can be with him. I love him with every fiber of my being, but I still can't stomach the fact that he was at the alter ready to marry Lisa.

"Fine." I shrugged not looking up from my cup of coffee.

Zack tilted his head to the side to make eye contact with me. I finally looked up at him and saw the way he was staring at me. The 'stop running away from your problems ' look. Sometimes I hate how well he knows me but then again that's exactly why I am here with him. He's the only one who can call me out on my shit. Yeah Rae does the same thing but not the way Zack does. Rae and I are always afraid of hurting the other's feelings so we tend to stay quiet.

"You need to stop persecuting Alex for almost marrying Lisa." He told me calmly. I went to argue with him but he held up his hand to get me to shut up. "I get it Lisa is a horrible person. She did a lot of harm to you and for that I will never forgive her. But putting all the blame in Alex isn't right. Yes he believed our lie that we had sex and Aspen was mine. But we never gave him the chance to explain his side of the story either. You could have avoided a lot of pain if you had."

"So you're saying it's all my fault?" I raised my voice a little too loudly. What Zack had just said was beyond hurtful. I'm not sure if it's because it's my teddy bear Zack who said it or because I know it's the truth. I just don't want to admit that he's right.

"I didn't say that." He shook his head. "We all have some blame in this. I could have said no to yours and Lena's crazy plan. I could have told Alex the truth. Frankly none of us were too keen on getting down to the truth. We all just took what you saw at face value and took your side without learning Alex's. And with him not fighting it just added fuel to the fire and made us believe that he did cheat on you. Hell his mom knew from the first moment she saw Aspen that she was Alex's and she never said a word. So like I said we are all to blame. Not just Alex. Not just Lisa. So stop keeping him at arms length. Open your heart and be the family you always wanted to be."

I sighed knowing that everything he just said was right. I need to stop running and just go after what I want. I can't really blame him for nearly marrying Lisa, I did kind of drive him to it. And I knew that she was his weakness so it was inevitable that they would get back together. I guess I just kind of hoped he wouldn't go back to her and it stung when he did.

"I want to do just that. For the girls. They deserve a dad. A real family. One that I never really got."

"Do it for you too. You deserve all the happiness and love in the world." Zack told me as he reach over and rubbed my hand.

"Well well look at what we have here. A backstabber and a whore." I hear Lisa's voice say. I look up and see her standing at our table with a smirk on her face.

"Lisa just walk away." Zack told her calmly. He wasn't one to really get angry. If he does you know shit hit the fan.

"And ruin my chance to tell off Lauren? Fat chance." She rolled her eyes.

"Tell me off for what? I did nothing to you." I snapped at her.

She laughed but not in an amused manner. "You did nothing? Right. You ruined my wedding!"

"I didn't ruin anything!" I raised my voice starting to get really irritated by Lisa's presence.

"You had to go and get into an accident and Alex went running." She said over dramatically.

"Well excuse me that my daughter almost dying ruined your big plans. Alex did the right thing by saving his daughter!" I slammed my hand down on the table. "And don't stand there and say I ruined a damn thing. Because I told Alex to go back to you. To go and marry you. I was done. All I wanted was for him to finally know that he has a daughter. That is all. I didn't want him back. He is the one who chose to not go back to you. He is the one who chose to break up with you. So if you want to be mad at anyone go be mad at him. Or for that matter be mad at yourself. You are the one who ruined everything."

I was done with this conversation and got up to leave but Lisa grabbed my arm to stop me. I wanted to punch her, but saw the look on Zack's face saying it's not with it. "He was mine and you took him away." She yelled.

I was my turn to laugh unamused. "No honey he was mine and you are the one who ruined my relationship with Alex with your manipulations. I could have gotten him back the moment I told him Aspen was his three years ago. But I didn't. I let you win. I didn't want to be apart of your drama anymore. But the secret was eating away at me. To be honest tho he would have eventually left you. His heart wasn't in it."

"He loves me!" She stomped her foot.

"He does love you Lisa." It was Zack who spoke up and is now standing beside us. "But he's not in love with you. He's always been in love with Lo. You're only kidding yourself if you think otherwise. He was having doubts the day of the wedding."

"You're lying!" Lisa gasped looking completely heartbroken. For a spilt second I felt bad for her.

"Look Lisa we've been friends for a long time. And yes in high school you and Alex made a good couple. But we aren't in high school anymore. It's time to move on. He has so you should too." Zack told Lisa then took my hand to lead me away from her and toward the exit. He stopped for a moment to turn back to Lisa. "And if you dare come near my family or try to hurt Lo again, you won't like the outcome."

"I think imma go see Alex." I told Zack once we were at my car.

"No more running. You did good back there." He hugged me tightly.

"Thanks. Now go be with your girlfriend. I've taken enough of your time." I pushed his shoulder playfully.

"You know you have a keeper when she's secure enough to share with two girls." He laughed causing me to laugh as well. But he did have a point. Liam was always saying how Zack would have to find the right girl because me and Rae are a package deal with him.

I rolled my eyes, "that's because she knows we are like your sisters."

"That's true." He nodded. "You be careful and I hope you and Alex work things out."

"Thanks." I kissed his cheek. "Say hi to Lena for me."

I was nervous driving to Alex's house. It's not like I didn't know what to say because I do. I guess I'm just scared to jump back into being us again. Yeah I dated Isaac but nothing much really happened with us. Feelings wise that is. At least not with me. I'm actually surprised he stuck around as long as he did considering I refused to have sex with him for the first 6 months we were together. Most guys don't stick around if they aren't getting any.

My hands were shaking when I knocked on Alex's door. I felt like I was gonna puke. When he answered the door he stared at me confused. "I already dropped the girls off at Liam's. That was the plan right?"

"Oh yeah." I scratched the back of my neck. "I'm not here for the girls. I'm here to talk to you."

"Okay. Come on in." He stepped aside to let me in the house. I nearly puked just walking inside. I haven't been inside since I broke up with Alex. If I drop off the girls I just let them out of the car, I never go inside. "So what did you need to talk about?" I could see he was nervous. He probably thinks I'm about to cut him off or something.

"I saw Lisa earlier." I blurted out without thinking as I sat down at the dinning room table. Alex stayed on the other side of the table like he was scared to be near me even though I can see the concern in his eyes.

"Oh my god." He gasped. "Did she hurt you?"

"No." I shook my head. "Zack was with me. I handled Lisa though. I'm strong enough now that she doesn't get to me anymore. And it's not seeing her that troubled me, it's something Zack said to her."

"And what did he say to her?" He asked curiously.

"He told her that you were having doubts the day of your wedding."

"Oh wow." His eyes widened. "I guess Jack doesn't know how to keep a secret."

"He kept it from me so it's sort of good at it." I laughed. "So it's true?"

"After everything that we've been through you doubt that?" He furrowed his eyebrows. He looked shocked that I am questioning this.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Part of me figured that you just left her because of the girls and the lies."

"Well that is part of why I left her." He smiled. "But that day I was getting ready and I just felt lost. I didn't know who I was or how I got to that point in my life. And then my mom tore me a new one over not marrying Lisa and how I could believe your lies. That's when I asked Jack what she was talking about. He refused to talk obviously. Then I got to the alter and when I saw her I felt empty. That's not how a person should feel when they are seconds away from marrying someone. If Mercy and Candice hadn't barged in I wouldn't have said 'I do' I want you know that. I need you to believe that."

I knew in my heart that he was telling the truth. Before I knew what I was doing I was standing directly in front of Alex and pulled him in for a kiss. And he didn't hesitate to kiss me back. I could feel the butterflies in the pit of my stomach just like this was the first time I kissed him. It felt right and my body knew it. But my head was screaming otherwise.

"We shouldn't be doing this." I pulled away.

"If you want to stop just tell me." He pressed his forehead against mine. I know I should probably stop this before it goes any further but I don’t want to. This is where I want to me. Zack is right, I need to stop running. I have no idea how I am going to get over the fact that he nearly married Lisa, but it happened and I can’t change that. All I can do is move forward from this.

“I don’t want to stop.” I breathed out before attaching our lips. Before I knew it our clothes were on the floor and we were on the couch.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“We probably shouldn’t have done that, but I’m glad we did.” I told Alex as we laid cuddled up on the couch.

“I am too.” he kissed my forehead. “But we really need to talk about what this means.”

“I just want to put everything that happened behind us and move forward. I want us to be together. Not only for the girls but because I’m tired of missing you and I’m tired of running. I love you and only you forever.” I told him honestly. There’s nothing more in this world that I want than to finally have my family with Alex.

“You don't know how happy that makes me.” He said with a goofy grin on his face before hugging me tight against his chest and kissing my forehead.

Before I had the chance to reply I heard my phone start going off. I stood up and put on my underwear and Alex’s shirt before going to find where I left my purse. I was confused to see that Zack was calling. Maybe he was checking to see how things were going with Alex.

“Hey, what's up?” I answered the phone but instead of hearing Zack’s cheerful voice I was met with his concerned voice.

“Are you still with Alex?” He asked me.

“Um yeah.” I said looking back at Alex who was putting on his pants. “What's going on?”

“You need to get to moms. Right now. And bring Alex.” He told me which scared the crap out of me. He was supposed to be with Lena. So why is he at my mom’s house and why does he want me to bring Alex?

Alex flashed me a look as if he was asking what is going on. I just shrugged my shoulders. “You're scaring me Zack. What the hell is going on?”

“I can't tell you. And even if I could I wouldn't tell you over the phone.” He sighed. “Look I don't mean to scare you but the family needs you right now.”

“Okay, okay. I'll be there in twenty minutes.” I told him. We exchanged byes and hung up the phone.

“What was that about?” Alex asked curiously once I hung up the phone.

“I'm not entirely sure.” I shrugged. “But Zack said I have to get home and bring you with me.”

“Why me?” Now Alex was confused because he knows that my family hasn't exactly been his biggest fan.

“Again I'm not entirely sure. So let's get dressed and over there because I'm worried.” I told him. I didn't bother trying to find my shirt and kept Alex’s on and grabbed my stuff. Alex found another shirt to put on and quickly followed me to my car.

When I pulled up to my mom’s house I noticed that not only was Zack’s car here but Rae’s, Briana’s and Liam’s. I know that Liam and Rae are supposed to be at work right now. So this made me more worried. I think Alex’s sensed my worry because he reach over and grabbed my hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. “I'm sure everything is okay.”

“I really hope you're right.” I sighed before turning off my car and getting out.

“Hello?” I called through the house when me and Alex walked in.

“Dining room.” I heard Drew’s voice say. Okay now I'm more worried. I know for a fact that he never leaves work early. I grabbed ahold of Alex’s hand and squeezed it tightly.

As soon as we entered the dining room my mom quickly came to me and hugged me tightly. I looked around and saw Briana crying. Liam, Savannah, Zack and Rae wore sad looks on their faces as well. I knew something was terribly wrong so I hugged my mom back just as tightly. “Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?” I finally said.

“Oh honey.” My mom pulled away and I saw that she had tears streaming down her face.

“Is it one of the kids? Are Faith and Aspen okay?” I asked worriedly realizing I hadn't seen any of the kids.

“They are fine.” She sighed. “But Johnny. Oh sweet Johnny.” My mom sobbed into the tissue that she's holding in her hand.

Liam walked over and pulled my mom into his arms. He looked up at me with sad eyes. “Johnny hadn't been feeling well so mom took him to the doctor a couple days ago. His blood work came back…” he trailed off.

That's when my heart dropped and I started to cry. “No.” I shook my head rapidly. “Please no.”

“He has leukemia.” Liam finished his sentence.

As soon as the words left Liam’s mouth I broke into sobs. I didn't want to believe that this was true. He was just a sweet little boy. He doesn't deserve this. Alex went to reach for me but I pushed him away and ran out of the room and up the stairs. I was sure that the kids were in the basement so I went into Johnny’s room and sat on his bed, letting myself break down fully.

I don't know how long I sat there and cried before I heard the door open. I looked up and saw Zack walk in. “Alex is worried about you.” He told me.

“Thanks for telling me to bring him.” I said wiping my face.

“I figured you would want him around once you had a little time to process this.” He said sitting next to me and pulling me to him.

“I can't lose another brother to this disease.” I choked back a sob.

“We just have to pray that none of us have to lose him. He is strong, he can beat this.” Zack tried to stay positive. I just didn't have the strength to do that right now.

“Did mom tell Ryleigh?” I asked him.

“Not yet.” He shook his head. “But knowing Johnny he did.” That does sound like my little brother. Those two are extremely close. When one hurts they both hurt. One knows when the other hurts before anything is ever said. It reminds me of how me and Leo were. My heart hurts for both of my younger siblings. If anything would happen to Johnny it would destroy Ryleigh and I don't want that sweet girl to go through what I did.

“I wish they had known Leo.” I tried to hold back the tears.

“Me too.” He said before kissing my forehead. “Not to change the subject but I'm guessing things went very well with Alex since you're wearing his shirt.”

“Would you believe me if I said that I spilled water on my shirt?” I scrunched up my nose. He shook his head no with a smirk on his face. “Didn't think so. But yeah things went okay. We didn't get to talk about where we go from here which we probably should have before having sex but shit happens.”

“Yeah that would have been smart.” Zack laughed softly. “How about we get back downstairs.”

“Round up the troupe, I think it’s time for us to take a trip.” I told him. He nodded knowing exactly what I meant.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Why are we here?” Johnny asked me when we got to our destination.

“I think it’s time for you guys to finally meet your brother.” I pulled him to my side. “We don’t talk about Leo nearly enough.”

“This seems like a family thing.” Lena said.

“Oh Lena, you’re family. You’ve been with our group for so long. You’ve been with Zack long enough that you’re practically family. We all are just waiting on Zack to make it official.” I smiled at her.

“Ry, Johnny, this is your big brother, Leo.” I told them as we arrived at his grave. I could hear my mom sniffling behind me. I told her that she didn’t have to come with us knowing that it would be too hard on her. Johnny may not be her blood but she raised him and Ry like they were her own and there isn’t anything she wouldn’t do for them. But she wanted to be here for Johnny.

“He was the best brother anyone could ask for. You both would have loved him.” Brie told them.

“He was the kindest person. He reminded me a lot of you, Johnny.” Liam continued.

“Really?” he looked up at my brother with a smile.

“Really.” Liam smiled. “He loved sports and was very quiet just like you. And he loved to draw. He would draw for hours and make these comic books.”

“He sounds really cool.” Johnny said with a sigh. “Am I going to die too?”

I burst into tears when he asked that question. I don’t think I could answer that for him. It’s still too hard for me. It was hard to see Leo go through his cancer but we were the same age, I don’t think it had as great as an impact on me as it does with Johnny. Not saying that this situation is any greater than Leo’s because they both are heartbreaking. Maybe it’s the mother in me now and me being older but seeing this little boy have to go through this is ripping me apart.

“Oh honey, we are going to fight this alongside of you. You are brave and strong and are going to kick cancer’s ass.” it was Rae who spoke up. She loves these kids as if they were her own siblings just as Scarlett is my little sister.

“Okay.” Johnny smiled.

We spent the rest of the afternoon sitting at Leo’s grave just talking about memories we have of Leo and answering any questions Johnny and Ry may have about Leo and leukemia. It was hard on all of us but oddly therapeutic.