Two Pieces of a Broken Heart

Faith fell asleep in the chair in Lo’s room, but no matter how tired I am, I just couldn’t fall asleep. Rian had brought me some clean clothes so I could change out of my tux. Everyone respected that I wanted to be alone with Lo, even though most of them didn’t want me to be around Lo. I don’t blame them, they all think that I betrayed her, but I could never do what Lisa said. I have to find out what the hell really happened that day. But right now I am focused on Lo waking up and Aspen getting out of surgery okay. The nurse came in a couple of times and said that I should talk to Lo, that she could hear me and it might help her wake up sooner. I just don’t know what to say. I have so much to say, I have no idea where to start though. So I have sat here quietly for the past two hours just watching her sleep. I keep telling myself that she is asleep because I don’t want to think of her in a coma.

I heard the door open, when I looked over I saw the doctor who talked to me about Aspen earlier walk in. I jumped up and walked to him. “How is my daughter?”

“She is doing just fine, Mr. Gaskarth.” she smiled at me. “A nurse is bringing her to a room right now so you’ll be able to see her. She’ll need to stay in the hospital for a couple of days for observation but she will be just fine.”

“Thank you so much.” I shook her hand. I looked over at Faith’s sleeping body then at Lo’s. “Um, can you tell the family? I don’t want to wake my daughter nor do I want to leave her alone but I have to see Aspen.”

“No problem, I will tell them and have one of them come in so you can see your child.” she patted my shoulder then walked out of the room.

I walked over to Lo’s bedside and took ahold of her hand. “Do you hear that Lo? Our baby girl is going to be okay. She’s a fighter, just like her mum. She’s going to need you when she wakes up, so you’ve got to open up those big, pretty blue eyes. Please.”

Lo stayed still. I may have told her that she needs to wake up for Aspen, but I really need her to wake up for me. It would break me in half if she never woke up. A world where she isn’t in it would kill me.

“Hey, dude.” I heard Jack say from behind me. I turned around and he was standing there with Rae. “We’ll stay with them so you can see Aspen.”

“Yeah, Olivia is already over there with her. Room 435.” Rae said pointing out the door with her thumb. “Give my god daughter a kiss for me.”

“I will.” I nodded.

When I got to Aspen’s room, Olivia was sitting on the bed with Aspen and pushing her hair out of her face. When she heard the door close she turned around. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen since she hasn’t said much since I’ve been here. She just told me how everyone was that had been in the accident. What scares me even more is that she knows that I had planned on proposing to Lo on Christmas, just two months from the time she broke up with me. Lets just say the holidays that year were pure hell. I know we hadn’t been together long, but I knew instantly that Lo was the one for me. There’s never been a doubt in my mind. But Olivia did let me in to see Aspen initially so that was a good sign, right?

“Don’t be scared, Alex, I’m not going to kill you.” she joked. I laughed nervously and walked to the other side of Aspen’s bed.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” I shrugged.

“You’re not a bad guy, yes you made some poor choices but that doesn’t make you a bad guy.” She told me. “If you were then you wouldn’t be here right now.”

“And what if I am a bad guy and only here for selfish reasons? For all you know I could take Aspen away from Lo.” I retorted.

“We both know you would never do that to Lo, no matter how mad you are at her.” she pointed out with a knowing look. “Plus you’re too scared of Liam to do such a foolish thing.”

She’s got a point there, I am terrified of Liam. I’m also terrified of Zack, he nearly killed me the day after Lo broke up with me. I wonder why no one ever said why Lo broke up with me. All they ever said was ‘how could you do that to her?’ but never said what I did.

“I just wish I knew what to do next.” I sighed.

“What do you mean?” she asked curiously.

I sighed, taking Aspen’s little hand in my own. I felt sick looking at her in a hospital bed. I will always blame myself for this. If I hadn’t gone home that day then Lo wouldn’t have seen Lisa practically naked in my house. I still don’t remember how that happened. But if that hadn’t happened then we would be married now and her and Aspen wouldn’t be lying in hospital beds. “I have no idea where to go from here. I can’t exactly ask Lo what she wants to do. The only thing I know for sure is that I can’t marry Lisa, I can’t even be with her any more.”

“Well there is a start.” she pointed out. “You know in your heart what to do, you just have to listen.”

“I can honestly say I truly don’t know. I’m very conflicted right now. Part of me wants to convince Lo that we are supposed to be together and be a family with our daughters. The other part thinks it’s a lost cause to be with her again. We had one hiccup after another. It felt like every time we turned around there was something getting in our way of happiness. Seems like a sign to me that we shouldn’t be together. Maybe we both should just move on and just be friends and raise our daughters as a split family.” I sniffed, tears were streaming down my face faster than I could wipe them away. “Then there is Lisa, yes I said I can’t be with her anymore. But does that make me a bad person that even though I hate Lisa for doing whatever she did to me to get me to cheat on Lo and not let me remember it, that I still love her? Hours ago I was going to marry her. If this accident didn’t happen I would be married to her. Then what? Lo tells me that I am Aspen’s dad and I’m supposed to drop Lisa because we both know she wouldn’t let me have Aspen any length of time. I can’t even have Faith over night because of Lisa. Faith cries because she wants to stay with me and I can’t do it.”

“I know she does, she cries to Lauren to stay with you.” Olivia cut me off. “And you’re right Lauren will never let you have the girls over night if you’re with Lisa. She was scared enough that you wouldn’t follow the rules during your day visits with Faith. Obviously you did since Lisa had no knowledge that Faith existed.”

“I would never put my girls in any danger. I will do anything Lo tells me to do when it comes to them. Hell if it takes me sleeping at her house to be with them overnight then that is what I will do. I’d even stay with Brie or Liam, anyone she wants if that means I can have more time with them and she feels comfortable and knows that Lisa won’t be there.” I stressed to her.

“That’s something you’ll have to take up with Lauren when she wakes up. I’ll even volunteer my house if that’s the case. I’m sure Ry and Johnny will enjoy that.” she smiled. My heart swelled with hope. I had Olivia in my corner and that means the world to me. “And to answer your previous question, it doesn’t make you a bad person to still love Lisa. I would hope you did love her if you were going to marry her. The question isn’t about whom you love more or which girl you should be with, if either of them. It’s which you can’t live without. You’ve been through so much with both girls, you love both girls. There is no doubt about that. You had a whirlwind romance with Lauren, and had a lot of crap thrown at you in such a short period of time. I don’t attempt to know your relationship with Lisa, but from what I can tell you have an addiction to her. She is your security blanket. You go back to her to feel safe.”

I couldn’t deny what she had just said because she is right. Lisa is my security blanket. She always has been. We break up and I have another relationship and when that goes sour I go back to her because I know that she would never hurt me. But what I never realized is that Lisa hurt me more than the girls who either broke my heart or who I damaged. She is an addiction, one that I either need to accept or get help for. “You’re right.” I nodded.

“Now we’re back to you not knowing what to do next.” she pointed out. “So if Lisa was in the hospital bed next to Lauren and you had the power to save one of them and only one of them, which one would you save because you couldn’t live without?”

I thought about Olivia’s words. I know I have already said that I don’t want to live in a world where Lo doesn’t. But can I live in a world where Lisa isn’t? What happens if Lo doesn’t want to be with me? Can I survive without Lisa picking up the pieces of my broken heart? What if Lo does want to be with me though? Then we would be the family that we always wanted to be and Lisa would just be a distant memory. She can’t be around if Lo comes back to me, but would I really be okay if she just simply didn’t exist? “I would save Lo. Whether she wants to be with me or not, I would never survive without knowing she is out there somewhere. Lisa maybe my security blanket, but I could survive with only my music, friends and family to help me. I could always find someone to fill the void, but without Lo living I would die slowly inside.”

“Well that is your answer.” she said giving my arm a squeeze. She’s right, that is my answer. I need to end things with Lisa once and for all. Then I need to fix things with Lo, even if that means that we can only be friends. I just need to be in her and my daughter’s lives. That’s the most important thing right now. Lo and Aspen getting better and us being a family.

The doctor came in a little while later to check on Aspen and to say that the visiting hours were over but me and Olivia could stay. I asked if Faith could stay because she wouldn’t want to wake up and not be here since she is really close with Lo. Doctor Miller said she would allow it. Olivia said she would go stay with Lo and Faith so I can watch over Aspen. Before she left though, she looked like she wanted to tell me something but didn’t. She just said good night and try to get some rest. I just shrugged it off because I am too tired to question it.



I must have fallen asleep because I was woken up to someone groaning. It took me a second to realize that I wasn’t in my own bed, that I was still at the hospital. My body jolted up once I realized that. I was at Aspen’s bedside in two seconds and she was waking up. She sounded like she was in pain and that hurt me. She slowly opened her eyes and looked at me. At first she looked scared then she looked confused. “Daddy?”

“Yeah, baby girl, daddy is here.” I kissed her forehead. My heart swelled. I know that that everyone said that Lo always told Aspen who I was, but it’s one thing to be told that and it’s another when you hear your daughter call you daddy for the first time.

“Where is mommy?” she asked me, her voice hoarse.

“Mommy is sleeping in another room.” I told her. “Do you remember what happened?”

“A truck hit Auntie’s car.” she said in a scared voice.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I’m gonna go get a doctor so she can make you feel better.”

I went out to the nurses station and told the nurse assigned to Aspen to page Doctor Miller because she was awake. She said she would and then she’d be in to check on her. I went back into the room and saw Aspen crying. I panicked and rushed to her side, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Are you in pain?”

“A little.” she winced. “But I want mommy.”

“I know baby girl.” I tucked her hair behind her ear. “But she is sleeping so she can get better just like you slept for a really long time so you can get better. I promise to take you to see her in to morning.”

The nurse came in and checked the monitors and talked to Aspen for a couple of minutes before giving her some medicine for her pain. She told me that the doctor would be here in a few minutes.

“You’re not going to leave, right?” Aspen asked me. She looked so innocent and scared. I truly hated seeing her in this hospital bed looking so fragile. I wish I could just take her home with me so she would at least be a little more comfortable.

“Of course not. I am staying right here with you just like I have been since you got here.” I told her. I’m sure she’s just being this affectionate because of all the pain medicine and because she’s scared for her mom. I hope she will love me just the same once she is better.

“How are you Miss Aspen?” Doctor Miller asked her when she entered the room. Aspen smiled weakly and said she was okay. Doctor Miller checked the notes that the nurse made in Aspen’s chart. “She’s doing really well. We will see how she does tomorrow and if all goes well then she should be able to go home in time for dinner.”

“Thank you so much.” I shook her hand. I just hope that Lo is okay, because I don’t know what I would do if I had to explain to Aspen that her mommy may not wake up for awhile.

After the doctor left, I told Aspen to try and get some more sleep. She looked at me sadly and hesitated for a minute before asking if I would lay down with her until she fell asleep. I didn’t know if I should since she had surgery but I couldn’t say no to her sweet face so I climbed into the bed with her and cuddled with her and she went to sleep a few minutes later. I couldn’t bare the thought of waking her up if I moved so I just relaxed and let myself fall back asleep.