Who Wouldn't Want to Be Here?

My taste for party's had dwindled recently,don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm antisocial or depressed or anything, it's just I know she'll be there. Our friendship group around here is so small wherever I go she'll be there.

Oli mentioned she was going out on tour recently, maybe this would be a good excuse to get out of my house and off the xbox, I want to forget about her, I want her out of my brain. He also mentioned Jonah was having a house warming tonight, loads of people, a great chance to be free for night.

I'm going. That's it, my decision made.

I hitched a ride with Oli who gave me a selection of comforting looks throughout the car ride. We lightly chatted about nothing in particular as he drove while passing a fag between us, like like the old days when we where young and we'd share a quick fag on out walk home from school.

"You sure yah' ready for this?" He questioned. He knew, better than anybody else, when something was wrong. I could sense something in his tone though, like he know something I didn't. My response was a silent one, nothing but a simple nod. I brushed off Oli's tone as he pulled up to the curb and turned the car off.

Oli was never the designated driver, more the one throwing up on himself at three in the morning after too much Tequila had gotten the best of him. Tonight would probably be no different, his feeble attempts to stay sober wouldn't last long, I knew for a fact that at least half of our close group of mates had bet against him, betting on how long he'd last.

We climbed the stairs to the large new apartment Jonah was renting, Oli pushed the door that was already on the latch and we invited ourselves in.

There was more people here than I was expecting, Oli instantly disappearing through the crowded rooms, leaving me with myself and my nerves.

"Tom! 't's nice to see yah' man!" A voice called from the crowd, a few guys I knew vaguely pulled me each into bone crushing man-hugs. Then I spotted her, as I looked over one's butch shoulder.

She stood against a wall on a balcony, a blunt sticking out of her mouth. I froze, my heart stopped as I stared. She looked so perfect. Those skinny jeans that clung to her legs like glue, the tight fitting tank top she had brought when we went shopping in London, the one that made her boobs look insane, and her favourite pair of shoes. The one's that gave her that little extra height so she could comfortably fit under my chin.

As I chatted as little as possible to the men in front of me I stared at her every opportunity I got. I must of looked like such a little prick, but right now I didn't care. She was here, and that was all that mattered.

I positioned myself against a wall opposite from the balcony, like a hawk watching it's prey. Every once in a while I would leave and get myself a drink, but to inevitably return to my position.

She came and went but always returned to her spot against the railings, not spotting me once.
I was thinking about the very best way to go and talk to her. I couldn't just approach her, that would be madness. I was dying for a fag, but I couldn't just walk out there as she smoked. The balcony may have been full but not full enough that she wouldn't notice me.
I waited for an opportunity. I waited for her to wander off for another drink, then I made my move.

The population of the balcony had dropped dramatically in the last while, so I pulled my box of cigarettes out of my back pocket and brought one to my mouth. I rummaged thoroughly for my lighted, searching every pocket, but to no suck luck.

"You wan' a light" Her familiar voice sounded through my ears. I let no words leave my lips, just leaned in as she lit the flame, then back to my standing position.

She lit one of her own and leaned next to me on the railing.

"So 'ow's it going, Tommeh?" He accent was tick, no change there.

"Yeah" I said with a light nod, not too entirely sure how to answer her question "Alrigh'"
She nodded lightly, letting the smoke leave her mouth.

"Wha' about yeh'" I asked, the slur in my words not helping my already thick accent.

"Gettin' by" Was all she responded
"I 'ear yeh' off for a while" I questioned, not wanting the conversation to end.

"Yeh', I'm takin' some photos for the Architects lads while they tour for a bi', should be a righ' laff', gonna' 'elp me take my mind off everythin' tha's 'appening" She smiled. Her smile was fake, I could tell instantly.

"Sounds good" I cemented, not knowing where our conversation was heading.

"Olleh' said yeh' were 'avin a rough time" Her words where soft and filled with concern, but I wasn't sure if I believed them. An ambulance roared by in the distance, I followed the lights with my eye. I hadn't looked at her yet, and the moving traffic bellow was a good distraction.

"It's ben' 'ard without yeh', Rosie" Was the best I could come up with to explain the thought in my head.

"I know it 'as Tommeh' and I'm sorreh' for tha', I neva' meant to 'urt yeh, love"

"Well yeh did, and 'ts 'appened now, no takin' back what wa' said" Silence filled the air for a few seconds as we quietly though of what to say.

"I wa' pregnant, Tommeh" Her words where soft and I could hear them close to cracking. Her words sounded like she was crumbling like an old statue, decaying away. I, on the other hand, had no words, I had no idea what to say.

"Tha' night yeh came to ma' 'ouse were the night I'd taken the test, it were positive and I 'ad no idea wha' to do. I wan'ed to tell yeh Tommeh, I really did. I needed yeh, I needed someone. 'e came round two weeks ba'fore, I didn't wan' it Tommeh, I didn't"

"Oh Rossie" My breath was hollow and my eyes fogged over suddenly

The night I'd gone to her house, I was going to tell her I loved her, but she turned me away. She screamed in my face and kicked me out. She's disappeared for weeks, not answering my phone calls, texts, inbox's, anything. Everyone had noticed a difference in her. Load, bubbly Rosie was now this quiet, reserved shell of a girl, and it was his fault.

Finally looking at her face, her cheeks where hollow, her eyes had turned from bright and sparkly, like diamonds in the light, to bland and dull and dead. Her hair was patchy and covered in roots, and her finger nails, that rested on the rails next to mine, where brittle from her newly discovered nail biting habit. She looked like shit, to say the least.

"Le' me in, Rosie?" I begged, I needed her, after everything that had happened I needed her back in my life. "I'm 'sorreh Rosie"

Her response was simple, her fingers slid themselves on top of mine as she stepped closer, I wrapped an arm around her fragile body, as she berried herself into my chest. Her sobs came slowly, but they came none the less, before long she was taken over, her body shaking, my tshirt soaked. We slid to the floor against the wall and I stroked her hair as she cried.

"I would of told yeh I loved yeh Tommeh, whe' yeh ha' told meh' tha' night" She breathed slowly as she calmed herself down. "I need yeh' Tommeh, I need yeh to 'elp me sort ma'self out."

"Shhh" I told her calmly as she began sobbing again, "I know, darin', I'm not goin' anywhere. Nothin' will change tha', love. I'll be 'ere as long as yeh need meh"

"I need yeh Tommeh, I need yeh so much. I can't do this on mah' own"

"I'll be righ' 'ere with yah', doll face, forever" I promised, a promise I won't be braking.