Through the Glass

To say that Xaven was nervous was an understatement. Her heart was in her throat and her stomach refused to settle, but from looking at her no one could tell her discomfort as she walked the halls of the Palace. Xaven walked with her head held high, her shoulders squared and her back straight as a rod. Her steps were sure and her eyes were sharp, looking straight ahead of her as she got closer and closer to her destination. If she was going to uphold her word to Cora, she needed to break a few rules.

Two guards come into view, blocking the doorway that leads to wear Xaven wants to go. The guards bow and Xaven stops in front of them. “Are you all right Princess?” one of the guards’ questions and Xaven nods her head with a polite smile on her face.

“Take me to my Uncle.”

The guards stare at Xaven and glance at each other not sure what to do. “The King-”

“My Father has granted me access to the prisoner. Now take me do him or you shall stand before your King and explain to him why you disobeyed an order.” Xaven’s voice is firm and her eyes are hard as she stares at the two guards in front of her.

“R-right away, Princess.” The guard on the right opens the doors and leads Xaven down the winding stairwell that leads down into the dungeons.

Reaching the bottom of the steps, Xaven stops the guard, “Which cell is his?”

“Third to last cell on your right, Princess.”

Xaven nods her head and grabs the ends of her skirt, “Very well. Leave us and do not bother us. I will not be long.” The guard hesitates for a moment, but with a glare for Xaven, he quickly hurries up the steps leaving Xaven alone on the stairwell. Knowing she is alone, Xaven sighs in relief, she wasn’t sure that her lie would work. She does not have a mean bone in her body, so she is more than surprised that the guards did not suspect she was lying. Taking a deep breath, Xaven enters the dungeon and she keeps her eyes straight ahead ignoring the hoot and hollers from the other prisoners as she heads to the third to last cell.

In front of the cell, Xaven is surprised to see the man Cora described already standing by the enchanted glass with his hands behind his back and a wicked smirk on his pink lips. “My, my, you seemed to have gotten lost on your way to your chambers…niece.”

Xaven’s eyes widen and she walks up the steps to stand right in front of Loki taking in his appearance. He is just like Cora described, but his hair has grown slightly pass his shoulders and his eyes are a dark green like seaweed that has just been plucked from the water. “How do you know who I am?”

Loki smirks and tilts his head to the side, eyeing the young women in front with intrigued eyes. “Do you not remember meeting me? Well I suppose you were quite young back then and Odin did not let you see much of me.” Loki sighs and shakes his head. “You are a splitting image of your mother.” His voice is kind and Xaven blushes, bowing her head in thanks.

“Were you friends with my…mother?” Xaven’s asks softly and Loki laughs.

“I would not use the term between us, more like comrades; though that is not what brings you here…” Loki trails off and stares at Xaven with unwavering eyes.

Xaven clears her throat and looks down at the steps, “May I?”

“By all means, Princess,” Loki extends his hand as if offering Xaven a seat and Xaven sits down on the step while Loki sits on his cot. Xaven folds her hands in her lap and stares at Loki thinking of how she would like to start their conversation. Loki watches the young woman and keeps to himself, content in watching the questions dance around in Xaven’s hazel eyes.

“Do you still love Cora?” Xaven asks thinking it best to not beat around the bush. Loki stares at the brunette and a smile tugs at his lips; his interesting shining brightly in his eyes.

“What did she tell you about me?” Loki questions and Xaven sighs seeing that she won’t get an answer until she answers Loki’s question first.

“Your eyes,” Xaven replies and Loki’s brows furrow in confusion making Xaven smile softly. “She told me about your eyes. Cora said they reminded her of where the water meant the field when you had bad days. She told me they changed from a deep emerald to sky blue after a storm.” Xaven watches Loki as she speaks and Loki keeps his face emotionless, but his eyes scream his shock. “I asked about you…I was curious about my Father’s brother-”

“We are not brothers,” Loki is quick to interrupt and Xaven shakes her head.

“Cora explained it all to me, in my eyes the two of you are brothers. If not I wouldn’t be here nor would I call you Uncle,” Xaven argues and Loki purses his lips.

“Then you know of my true parentage?”

“Yes.”

“Are you not afraid?”

Xaven meets Loki’s eyes, “People should never fear their family.”

Loki laughs bitterly, “You would be wise to change that belief. For it was your Grandfather who put me here.”

“Do you take no blame?” Loki narrows his eyes at the question and he crosses his arms over his chest. “I offer no judgment, Uncle. I simply want to know the truth. I lived without any knowledge of your existents and now I only know what Cora has told me. I come to you because she spoke with a great sense of pride and love on your behalf.”

Loki uncrosses his arms and stands up. He brushes his hair from his face and starts to pace back and forth. “Odin took me from Jotunheim when I was a mere infant. I was raised in the shadow of Thor; only Frigga and Cora saw me for who I really was. So you as, do I take the blame for my actions once I found out everything I had ever known was a lie?” Loki stop pacing and turns so that he is facing Xaven. “Yes. However, I was young and stupid. I believed the world was in debt to me for what Odin had kept a secret, but that was foolish. My actions lead to my down fall and now here I sit.” Loki motions around the cell with his hands and Xaven frowns seeing the regret in Loki’s eyes.

“What about Cora?” Xaven asks and Loki raises his eye brow. “You told me about your downfall, but where does Cora fit in? Here you sit and she is free.”

Loki nods his head and looks down at the floor, “Your questions are becoming harder to answer truthfully,” Loki admits and Xaven opens her mouth to comment, but Loki continues. “Did Cora tell you everything about us?” Xaven shakes her head and Loki mmm’s. “She’s got the eyes of innocence; the face of an angel. A personality of a dreamer…” Loki walks right up to the glass and stares down at Xaven. “And a smile that hides more pain than you can ever imagine.” A twisted look of sorrow and pain takes over Loki’s face, but only for a second. Xaven pulls her knees up to her chest and rests her chin on her knees. Loki turns his back on Xaven and stares at the journal Frigga had a guard deliver to him.

“We were twenty-three and it was the day of your Father’s coronation. The palace was filled with people from all over the Nine Realms. I pulled a prank that involved a few Frost Giants and it ended poorly. They attacked during the coronation and I was cornered by one. At the time I did not know that I was of Jotun blood and to be touched by a Frost Giant is more so death. The Giant grabbed me and I felt no pain, instead I saw my skin turning blue. Cora’s father, Lord Kellin came to my aid and was killed in the process, an ice spear through his chest.” Turning around, Loki sees that Xaven’s eyes have widen and he clicks his tongue.

“After the death of her father, Cora left and I changed. I couldn’t deal with knowing that I was a Frost Giant, so I pushed everyone away. Cora, she came by one day and I tore into her.” Loki’s eyes are wild as he recalls the first time he saw Cora since the death of her father. “I-I couldn’t stand to see her in my room, I said everything to push her away, to make her hate me, but nothing worked. I showed her my true form, I thought it would scare her and I taunted her love for me. I remember it clear as day…” Loki shakes his head scarfing. “Cora didn’t even flinch, she told me she loved me and she wrapped her arms around me. She held me in her arms and told me that I wasn’t a monster, I was nothing like the stories…” Loki laughs sadly. “Cora will try to kill me for telling you this, but I bedded her right there in that moment.”

Xaven’s face flushes and Loki chuckles, “I pushed her away a few weeks after and made sure she saw me with another woman. I cornered her in her chambers and made Cora talk to me, I knew that she saw us. I threw it in her face that she loved me, I mocked it even. I said anything to make her hate me-”

“Why would you do that?” Xaven asks, her eyes narrowed as she glares at Loki. “She loved you and you-you just-”

“She deserved better!” Loki shouts and Xaven stands to her feet shaking her head.

“You don’t get to decided that! She loved you and you threw her away, how could you?!” Xaven’s voice is shrill and her hands ball into fists at her side. Loki stares at his niece and claps his hands behind his back.

“Do you want me to go on or not?” Loki snaps with a raised brow and Xaven grinds her teeth, sitting back down without a word. “My plan worked and Cora walked out of my life. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing, Cora deserved the best and that was not me. Somehow your Father got involved and he took my place by Cora’s side.” Loki stops talking when he sees the shock in Xaven’s eyes. “Oh yes, the two were quite the pair. If they ever did anything together? I do not know, but we I shifted into Thor, Cora didn’t keep her hands to herself.” Loki’s tone is teasing and he is clearly amused by the disgruntled look on Xaven’s face. “Moving on...the rumor around the palace was that Thor and Cora were to be wed, however I found out that was not the case. Cora was just escorting Thor to another realm to show that Thor could be a family man of sorts.”

“So my Father didn’t have feelings for Cora, ever?”

“I guess at some point, yes. It is understandable, Cora is beautiful inside and out.” Loki makes a face at the thought and waves his hand dismissing the idea. “Where was I? Oh, yes I remember now. There was a party thrown for Thor and Cora’s journey, out of spit due to prior events, I invited a handful of Frost Giants. I also followed Cora out onto the balcony and we had a lovely dance together along with a few choice words. The Frost Giants attacked and Cora, who apparently had been training with your mother, ran to get herself ready for battle. I ran after her and locked her in her bed chamber. We fought and things got out of hand. Cora slapped me and my anger got the best of me. I was overcome with so much rage and I-I remember grabbing her wrists and shaking her.

“I was so angry and I hated everything that had happened between us. She told me…” Loki sighs and frowns as he remembers the night he nearly killed Cora. “She called me a monster and told me she hated me. I don’t know how it happened. I just remember her trying to hit me, the screaming and the rage. I blinked and Cora was in front of me encased in ice…” Xaven covers her mouth with her hand and she stares at Loki unable to believe his words. He attacked Cora, pretty much killed her and yet she still loves him. Loki walks over to his cot and sits down with his head in his hands. “I lied about hurting, I blamed it on the Frost Giants. I felt guilty, but on top of that the anger was so much stronger. I blamed your Father over all else, even over Odin and that was when I finally turned into the monster I was told stories about.”

“That’s not all is it?” Xaven whispers. “Cora wasn’t in ice when I was growing up…you did something else to get you thrown in here,” Xaven’s voice shakes as she realizes that Cora’s judgment on Loki is clouded by her love.

Loki picks his head up hearing the fear in Xaven’s voice and he licks his lips. “I got your Father banished to Midgard, became King because Odin went into one of his slumbers, I visited Thor, told him that Odin was dead, Frigga didn’t want him home and I tried to destroy Jotunheim,” Loki says in one breath. “Oh, but Jotunheim was after I killed your Father…and he came back to life.” Loki looks at Xaven with a weary smile on his face and Xaven just stares at Loki with her mouth wide open. “I failed and your Father destroyed the Bifrost. The blast from it caused as black hole to open and sent the two of in the air falling to our deaths. Though I’m sure you know that we didn’t die, well your Father didn’t anyway.” Xaven looks at Loki confused and Loki smirks.

“Odin saved us, but he didn’t accept anything I had done for him and I saw it in his eyes, I would never be good enough…” Loki clears his throat and stands from his cot, pacing to stretch his legs. “Thor was holding onto me so that I wouldn’t fall and I let him go. I didn’t want to be alive anymore. My family did not approve of me, Odin would never accept me or see me for myself and I thought Cora was dead. I nothing to live for…so I ended.” Loki’s voice is low and shameful as he admits for the first time to anyone why he let himself fall into the black abyss.

Xaven looks away from Loki and lets his words sink in. She feels bad for him, but at the same time she wants to just smack him for being so stupid, then something clicks in her mind. “If you were dead you wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Smart girl,” Loki comments and he continues to pace. “I’m not going to tell you where I was or what happened for the three years that everyone thought I was dead. All you need to know is that I attacked Midgard and failed. That’s it. That attack along with my prior acts of violence got me here for entirety,” Loki says and shrugs his shoulders like it’s no big deal. “So now you know everything and a little more than most people.”

Xaven stands up and dusts her backside off before she faces Loki, “You still love her,” Xaven claims and Loki rolls his eyes at the young woman.

“Have you heard nothing that I have told you?” Loki demands as he walks over to the glass, now standing right in front of Xaven. “There is no love.” Loki’s voice is harsh, but his eyes are sad. “I do not love Cora, not anymore.” Loki holds Xaven’s gaze shortly before he turns his back and walks over to his cot. “Leave. I do not wish to speak of anything else.” Xaven stares at Loki’s defeated back and she bites her lower lip. As the words left his lips, Xaven heard the truth behind them and her heart beats painfully in her chest. How could anyone put another person through such torture? Xaven cannot even began to think of how badly Cora must have felt over all this time, being separated from the person she loves and the same goes for Loki. He talks of hate and not having the ability to love, but his eyes show it is all an act, a very poor act.

With a quite sigh, Xaven shakes her head, “Goodbye Uncle Loki.” Without another word, Xaven heads out of the dungeons with a million different emotions in her heart. Pushing the doors open to the hallway, Xaven’s heart stops when she sees her Father leaning against one of the pillars with his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his usually happy face.