The Black Swan

Somewhere in between the time span of the shocking news and me uncorking the second bottle of champagne, somebody had came up with this amazing idea of partying off the whole thing. I didn’t know for them, but as for me, I was already a soon-to-be-over party. I knew that it was a little too noticeable that I was... drunk, but none said anything. I guessed Matt and Jenna were too carried away in their happiness and the others kind of didn’t care for the drunk at the end of the table, cause they all either way were planning on getting wasted soon enough, so why pick on good ol’ Ally when she just turned out to be a tad smarter than the rest of the wolf pack and started off the party right away.

„Are you okay?” I heard a feminine voice question somewhere beside me. I was refilling my already... second glass. Yes, exactly, second. I remained to the number so it wouldn’t seem like I was just a casual drunk. My second drink was sixty gazillion glasses away. I was an exquisite drunk. I turned my head to the place where Brian had been sitting to see Jenna’s concerned look.

„Never been better,” I lied straight into my drink, I knew she didn’t buy my lies. Ever.

„You have to try better than that...” I felt her warm palm on my knee. „What’s bothering you?” She asked again. I wasn’t even looking at her. I was staring in the deep, inspecting the odd looking painting of partly naked silhouette of a girl which I just happened to notice. I wanted it. I wanted it in The Black Swan. It was dark, odd and... perfect. I wondered if I could make a bargain for it.

„I really don’t know what to tell you,” I turned my head feeling the world spinning and looked in her brown eyes. She was really concerned. When have ever Jenna been concerned? I believed she knew the answer to her question.

„Okay,” She sighed heavily, her head dropping slightly, „I know right? This seems kind of a sudden, but...”

„Gee, you think?” My look was stern. I was mad, but I believed she had to understand my motives. I knew where this thing was going and I’ll be damned if I was wrong. Never in her life she’d been together with a guy that lasted longer than five months and I was very skeptical for Matt being the one and only. Besides I liked Matt a lot. He was one of the nicest guys I knew and I was aware the old chest ache reappearing when certain someone lands in Huntington... If she’s going to fuck Matt over for Will, I’ll pounder her tanned ass with a bottle of JD.

„This is for the best, Al, it really is,” She made this little half smile as she looked back at Matt who was talking to Jimmy’s girl, Rachel. A small, but dynamite like brunette with stunning zombie pinup girl on her hip. How did I know she had this tattoo? Easy. Jimmy was showing a photo of her in a bikini each time he was upside down drunk. He was proud of his girl.

„Since when you’re the reasonable adult?” She shrugged fixing her eyes back on me. I know, I know, this was supposed to be her night, we should all be happy for them, I was... In a way, I was just shocked beyond any beliefs, that’s all.

„I don’t know... He just makes me a better person.” What? He makes... now I didn’t get something, I was drinking, but she seemed the drunkest one.

„Where’s Jenna and what have you done to her?” She let out a small laugh. I knew I looked drunk and confused, and I knew this was possibly the best thing that had happened to her, but this was not Jenna I was talking to. Where’s the usual foul mouthed cynic, the girl who downs shots of Jagermeister like they’re water? I mean she practically hadn’t touched even that champagne. That was when my eyes grew wide. „Are you... pregnant?”

„Oh god... No...” She made this disgusted face and I knew my Jenna was still somewhere in there. The hate for kids hadn’t gone anywhere.

„Are you sure?” I squinted my eyes, looking down her belly. It didn’t seem bigger, but maybe it was just the first weeks. I wasn’t good with telling if someone was pregnant or just fat.

„Positive. I mean, I would tell you.”

„Just like you told me you were engaged?” Wasn’t I her best friend, didn’t she have to tell me before anyone else? Wasn’t it what girls did? Talked shit out?

„Jesus fuck, Al, what do you want me to do? Take a piss on that pregnancy stick in front of you?” I imagined the view and I knew Jenna was really capable of pulling her pants off not only in front of me, but in fact in front of this whole unholy community we called Avenged family.

„I wouldn’t mind,” I shrugged my shoulders, looking at the bubbling champagne, deciding to call it quits and move to the wonderful h2o.

„You know, I’m mad out of this universe at you...” She said simply, looking through the glass door of the balcony. Quite frankly she didn't seem that mad. Yeah, it looked like a spider had crawled up her ass and made a nest there, but it wasn't that bad.

„At me?” I jerked my head towards her.

„Am I talking to someone else at the moment?” Her fingers stretched out for my glass. I really couldn’t tell, I was too hammered. „You got fucking wasted without me.” She emptied the rest or champagne that was left in it. „Fucking hate champagne. A god damn overpriced piece of rotten berries... And you gladly pay for every little drop, like it’s God’s tears. A plain stupidity if you ask me.” She twirled the glass in her fingers, eying it carefully before placing back on the table.

„But it get’s you hammered,” I said simply and noticed her rolling her eyes.

„Vodka also get’s you hammered, tastes exactly the same- like a mouth full of shit and is cheaper. If I’d have the say, I’d stick with the good old schnabz.” So she was my Jenna after all. I wanted to tackle her down and hug all the sense out of her. And I thought I had lost her. Don’t fucking scare me like that, idiot. „So where’s Brian?” She looked around, not seeing him anywhere.

„Beats me...” To be completely honest, I didn’t even notice him leaving anymore. Brian had been on and off at the table, mostly excusing himself with yet another phone call after which he got back quite... pissed, to say the least. I didn’t want to deal with his mood swings.

„What’s going on with him? Matt told me he’s seeing a girl of some kind?” She rested her lower arm on the back of my chair. I noticed a tattoo of lotus supplementing her sleeve. That was something new.

„Some kind of Lexy. Her name is basically all I know about her,” I picked up Brian’s glass of juice and took a sip.

„I thought you have met her...” Jenna pushed the dark hair out of her face as she frowned.

„Yeah,” I snorted, „At my apartment or the construction site?” She waved me off.

„I meant, you two spend a lot of time together, and knowing you and Haner being such good friends...” She inhaled deeply, „I just thought he had to tag her along sooner or later.”

„I guess she’s busy... She had to be here you know.” I saw Brian coming upstairs and instantly going to the balcony, already holding one of his Marlboro cigarettes between fingers. He didn’t even bother looking at us.

„Too busy for her boyfriend?” Jenna noticed him too. There was this devilishly inappropriate grin forming on her rosy lips. „I’d say that makes one hell of a shitty girlfriend. I believe you wanted to go for a smoke?” She stood up, patting my shoulder. I looked at her a bit confused. I really didn’t want any nicotine up my system at the moment, I head plenty of booze already running through it, adding some tobacco and a little bit of tar didn’t seem wise enough. But my friend was in different thoughts, she placed the black purse in my lap, knowing very well where I kept my poison. „Be the damsel in distress, make him feel like he’s needed...” The corner of her lips raised as she went back to her place by the side of Matt. Since when was she giving me any relationship like advices? I really wasn’t sure if I should be trusting her or not, but oh well... I’d been drinking and that’s a valid reason for stupid actions. We’ll just keep our mouths shut about the fact that I was close to being sober.

I opened the same leather purse Jenna had handed me and took out the smokes leaving it on the table. I noticed her stare sliding over me as I got up from my seat and went for the balcony. If I had been watching, I would most definitely had seen that satisfied grin of hers. My pace wasn’t steady, but it worked for me and to think I was starting to feel sober. Well maybe I was, but my feet surely weren’t.

And there he was, yet again smoking and talking on the phone. I fixed the top of my dress to keep everything in place before going up to the beast with a cigarette loosely hanging from my fingers. He was leaning over the edge and hissing something in his phone. He didn’t notice me. It was getting chilly. Not willing to disturb his talk, I stopped behind his back, putting the smoke between my lips and sliding my hands in the pockets of his pants. He stiffened.

„What are you doing?” He questioned coldly. Weren’t he on his phone just seconds ago?

„Looking for a bit of fire,” Once again I took the cigarette between my fingers, swaying a little, but I blamed the mild breeze for it. My free hand was still roaming through his pocket, finding nothing of my need. Just then I noticed him holding a silvery lighter out, still not facing me. I just hoped I wasn’t drunk enough to burn my hair off, but then again... I wanted to get a haircut either way. I took the lighter, making the small warm flame illuminate my face just for a mere second. I inhaled the smoke and gave back the silvery piece. He seemed distant, it was needless to say I didn’t like him this way. „Want to talk about it?”

„No...” He spat out rather angrily. The fresh air was starting to sober my vision, but the nicotine kept everything in balance. An opaque cloud formed in front of me, but the breeze swept it away. It shattered the item.

„Okay...” It was just louder than a whisper. I knew he was fighting with his girl, hell, everyone inside knew about it, it was kind of hard to miss, even tho everyone acted like they didn’t hear a single word from their conversations. I just stood by his side and realized I didn’t want to smoke anymore. I threw the cigarette away, watching the small coal segregating once it hit the ground.

„Why are you even here?” Suddenly he asked out of the blue, his voice not being any less cold. I looked up at the stars, considering his question rather foolish. Could he even answer why was he here? The whole evening... All alone. When he could've been inside, with his friends... and me.

„You tell me...” I replied, hugging myself, feeling the chill creeping up on me, or was it the champagne leaving the body? I didn’t know, I just knew the feeling wasn’t pleasant. I guess Brian noticed it and with a heavy sigh, he got behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He pulled me closer, letting me feel the warmth he was emitting. My fingers slid over his, feeling the marks Buttercup had left earlier. I felt his lips brush against my temple. His strong body warmed me up. Lexy was a fool for letting him go even if just for a second.

I leaned into him, feeling his lips now on my cheek. His hand slid out of mine, going all the way up to my hair and moving it aside. Over my shoulder. His lips trailed down starting at my ear and ending at the curve of my neck. His warm breath was making me mad. I closed my eyes, nearly letting out a moan.

„Hey, you two, lovebirds, we’re leaving...” Jimmy poked his head through the glass door. He just knew how to make everything awkward. It was good I didn’t blush, ever, but if I would, this was the time for blushing. Brian’s lips parted with my shoulder. I heard him sigh deeply.

„We should go...” I whispered, not really willing for him to let go of me, ever... but he had to eventually. The moment just came too soon. It was written all over his face that he was fighting some sort of a battle inside, he didn’t say anything tho. In the end he just gave me a soft smile, taking me by hand and leading me back in the restaurant. Everyone were waiting for us, some had those ‘it’s-about-fucking-time’ expressions on their faces and then there was Jimmy, who was smiling like the wacko he really was. I happened to think he gained pleasure out of every awkward situation.

„I hope I didn’t disturb anything?” He said it sweetly, he almost made me believe there was sugar dropping out of his bum. He just couldn’t make this any more awkward. I saw Jenna snickering, but I just waved her off. Brian stood still by my side not saying a word. „Since everyone’s stopped their make-out sessions, what do you say we stick to the plan?”

„Which is?” I asked not letting go of Brian’s arm. Jenna was right, he needed at least one girl, who’s with him.

„Hold your panties for a bit, you’ll find out soon enough.” Jimmy snaked his skinny arm around Rachel and went downstairs, everyone else hot on their track. Why did I get the thought that I won’t like it one bit? I looked back at Brian.

„Just go,” He reassured me, although I knew for fact he was as clueless as me. I took a deep breath before joining them. I couldn’t keep myself from thinking what the hell just happened back at the balcony of Olive Garden. Was it alcohol or was it pure madness? Or was it alcohol combined with pure madness? Yes, that had to be it.

Once we were outside, none went for their cars, which surprised me, instead we went by feet. Like they weren’t driving me crazy already. I just wanted to kick off the heels, pour some gasoline over them and watch them burn, burn, burn with a wicked grin on my face. Notice the echo in the sentence. I just came up with the worst ideas. Mis Worst Idea 2014? Ally fucking Morgan. To put on some pump heels and get wasted? If I had been sixteen it would seem okay.

It felt like forever before we finally stopped and I knew my feet were useless by now, but I was a big girl and big girls faced the consequences of their stupid actions.

The Black Swan

Brian tightened his grip around my fingers. Jenna, one day I will, indeed, fucking kill you.