The Black Swan

The morning after Jenna’s engagement party (if you could call it that way) was not one of my best mornings, clearly. Why on earth did I even drink if I knew every coming hangover will be worse than the last. It seemed like I was bound to have a massive, miserable one heck of a head ache every time I decided to reach out for even a glass of wine, or in this case- champagne. Never again. It felt like my head was going to explode in tiny pieces if I decided to move even if just to get out of my bed. Although the previous night in general wasn’t wisest to say the least. There wasn’t one single smart decision throughout the evening. But then again I did go home and decided to give up on self poisoning...

Fuck.

Ally, you really know how to keep things simple, don’t you? The events of the previous night slowly started drifting back to me. My eyes popped open to see I was in my own bed, that was good, all alone, that was bad. No sign of Brian, but why did I think it would be any different? Was he any different from any other guy from my past? Was he different than Christopher, Liam or even Andrew? The answer was simple- no. Every single one of them were just as sweet in the beginning, it was only a matter of time. Usually they turned out to be the biggest pricks only after they rolled me in their sheets. Was I that bad in bed? No seriously, please tell me, otherwise I really don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. Am I cursed?

I knew very well where Brian had went to that night or even morning, I was too deeply asleep to notice the precise time of his disappearing. Straight back to Lexy, of course. I’ll be damned if any of the guys I slept with didn’t return to their previous girls. Living happily ever after like nothing had happened. Laughing at silly Ally for being so naive. It felt like I was just this rebound chick for every guy, to understand they need their ex’s back in their lives. A bunch of pigs. I hoped they all would rot in hell.

If not for Jenna, I strongly believed I would have overdosed with ice cream that day. I was mad, pissed actually. He could’ve left a simple note saying - Hey, it would be for the best if we don’t see each other ever again. I would’ve been very grateful, but knowing that all men are swines, that was self explanatory.

Jenna came by later that day, drunk even off her limits. Not even her body could fight off all the booze she had in her system over a mere day. But even tho she was in the enormous influence of alcohol, she was there for me. When I was the real train wreck. She asked no questions, no nothing. She didn’t have two thoughts when she saw me digging in ice cream. That’s why I loved her so much. She just hugged me and we both finished the big pack, cursing every men who had walked these lands.

The magnificent trio arrived to Huntington the next day. Nikki, Andrew and Will. Brian still hadn’t given any sign. The week didn’t quite seem as bright colored anymore. I let Mark deal with them. My astrologer said it was a bad day for me to go out of the house. Just like the next. And next after the next. And so on and so on.

Jenna was doing everything around the club, trying to get it ready for the opening, as for me? I fucked everything and stayed home. I was lounging on my couch, it seemed if I would spend yet another day at that couch, the springs would grow into my sides. My backside left the couch only at the day of opening. She dragged me to the hairdresser. Her name was Candy. It was needless to say I was very skeptical.

There was this light haired girl standing in front of me. She was wearing a floral pattern dress which ended somewhere around her knee and I was disappointed. She didn’t seem like a Candy to me. She didn’t remind me of the stripper I met at the Venus Lounge. I cursed the day Jenna and Leann dragged me there.

„Is your name really Candy?” I asked rather skeptical as she pointed out for me to take a seat. She revealed a wonderful row of her pearly white teeth as she shook her head.

„No, it’s just something Jenna calls me.” She looked back at my friend who was raising her eyes from the Seventeen magazine she was reading as soon as she heard her someone calling her name. I knew how bad Jenna was with names, so this really didn’t surprise me.

„You want something from me?” She said rather angry. Jenna and her magazines. I rolled my eyes.

„No, love,” Candy replied, before putting the black robe around me. She seemed like a pleasant girl, just like the most of hairdressers. I mean they had to be. Their salary mostly consisted of them playing the role of shrinks. It depended on whether I liked them or not. I could care less about what the hell she was doing with my hair, as far as there was hair left on my head. „So... What are we doing today?” Her hand reached out for a comb.

„I want them short.” I had died them myself so there was no need for that. My mind was set, I wanted to get that Victoria Beckham haircut.

„How short?” She combed my bangs starting from the ends to make it less painful.

„A bob with longer bangs in the front.” I answered simply. It was really hard to get any kind of emotions out of me these last days, except the hate for all mankind.

„Really?” I knew oh too well, what was happening in her head at the moment. The girl has such great, long hair, why on earth would she want to cut them? I have my reasons. Let’s just stick to that.

„Yes.” She didn’t ask anymore questions, and when I noticed the long strand falling on the robe, I started thinking if I had made a mistake. But no. Everything was exactly as I wanted for it to be. And then Jenna lifted her head from her magazine. Her look was too indifferent to think she gave a single fuck about me. Her phone beeped moments later and she took the conversation outside.

„What’s bothering you?” Candy asked. So it was that obvious, huh? She was crosschecking the whole haircut for any imperfections, but I guaranteed she wouldn’t find any. It was perfection to it’s finest. I could tell even before she had reached for the blow dryer.

„Nothing,” I sighed, „Nothing that matters anymore.” I was lying to her, to myself, to everyone, yet the scene from that night kept coming back, pushing my misery to it’s limits.

Candy just gave me a reassuring smile, as if saying ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and started styling my hair. I know. Everything always in the end is fine, and if not- it’s not the end.

Jenna returned right in time to see the end result. She took a step back, with her browns wide. „Wow. I mean... Holy fuck, Al!” That brought a smile to my lips. The first time in many, many, many days. Candy took another mirror to show me the back and the sides, I believe I was shining at the moment. Everything turned out even better than expected. But then again the thought- What would Brian say? Would he like it? Stop this torture, Ally. You’re not making it any easier.

„Is it what you wanted?” She herself was smiling, but of course, another satisfied customer. I nodded feverishly, touching my side bangs, feeling how light my head felt. It felt like I had lost a couple of pounds. And then I looked to the tiled floor. The shock hit me. It seemed like some kind of exotic animal had died there. Was that big pile my hair? Oh well, I returned to my reflection in the mirror. I’ll have to get used to it, but other than that... It’s perfect.

„Jenna, pass me my wallet,” I told her still not quite getting enough of myself. A new start. Yes. This was going to be a great start. Jenna handed me the reddish piece of leather. My fingers picked out three Ben Franklins.

„Oh no,” She put out her hand, „It’s way too much.”

„Don’t worry.” I reassured her. My visits to the hairdresser’s weren’t that frequent so I could afford paying her a little over the top. She said thanks with the nod of her head. „Listen, there’s this club opening tonight. The Black Swan,” Both Jenna and Candy were eying me suspiciously, „I would really like for you to come.”

„I really don’t know about it...” Candy rubbed her uperarm, it seemed like she was fighting some kind of chill, while I was sweating like a pig. It was Cali after all! Judging by her face, I’d say she was not willing to meet someone particular.

„Come on, it’s going to be fun. Just tell me your name and I’ll make sure you’re on the list.”

„Ally, I’ve got the ballet dancers, they’re asking about the payment...” Jenna was yet again on the phone, covering the mouth piece with her hand I knew she cursed me every and each time she received a call including the club, but at least she now knew how I felt for those damned three weeks. And yes, one of those sob full nights, in my cursed lonesome, I had came up with the idea of putting some ballet in the opening. I didn’t know how nor why, I just wanted them, and Jenna was left to put up with my kinks. That’s why she was my best friend.

„Tell them, I’ll call back.” Candy’s features had changed, once I turned back to her. The face had this mischievous grimace to it, not fully letting me understand what she’s thinking. „So, what’s it going to be? It’s my treat.”

„Fine, my name’s Alexandra. Alexandra Jones.” I smiled a genuine smile.

„Everything starts at eight, but be free to be late.” I couldn’t even say a proper goodbye when Jenna was already taking me by my uperarm and pulling outside.

„What was that about?” Jenna asked as soon as we left the saloon.

„I liked her.” I really did. And it had nothing to do with the fact that she was Brian’s girlfriend. How do I know? Well other than the fact that she told her name was Alexandra, short- Lexy? Rings any bells? I’d seen her photo in Brian’s phone. At the very beginning I wasn’t that sure, I mean she had these beautiful blond bangs and marvelously brown eyes, but a lot of people have a similar appearance in Huntington Beach. The brief pause after the invitation made me rethink everything. And I strongly believed to know who exactly I was. And I could be an evil bitch if I wanted.