The Black Swan

Brian really had some serious catching up to do, cause even when we arrived to the venue, where the rest of the wedding took place, he was still glued to Lexy’s side. It was needless to say I was kind of pissed, and you know what really got my blood boiling? He didn’t even notice I had been driving to the venue with Roy and my parents. He didn’t notice his designated driver missing, not even speaking about his goddamn girlfriend.

„Why so glum?” Roy came up to me, holding out a glass of champagne, making me tear my eyes away from Brian and Lexy who were now speaking with the newly weds.

„Look at him,” I pointed out to the group with the nod of my head. Roy followed where my eyes had been fixed for the last ten minutes. „He doesn’t even remember he came here with certain someone.” I downed the champagne in one gulp, like it was water. The gas bubbles left my tongue a bit tingly, but the feeling soon faded. I couldn’t say the same for the anger I felt towards my boyfriend.

„It’s nothing.” He shrugged. How could he be so careless when I was close to explosion? To think about it, it probably wasn’t even wise for me to be drinking in the state I was right now. „Hey, hey... Al, don’t... I know that look. Please, don’t overreact.”

„I’m not.” I placed the empty glass on the tray of some waiter who was passing us by. I was close to falling apart right here, right now, letting the tears of madness come loose. Roy’s attempts to distract me, also did no good. „I’m just waiting for them to stop talking, so I could congratulate the new couple.” I wasn’t entirely lying. Just a tad. Sorry, mr and mrs Sanders, but the congratulation wasn’t as important to me at the moment.

„Why wait?” What? I jerked my head to see him holding out an elbow to me. There was this devilish grin on his face. „Every guy, even a married one, is shooting you glances, they would be ready to leave their girlfriends or better yet wives, to have a chance with you. Let’s show him what you are made of.” He winked, bringing a smile on my lips. I really loved him. Truly, with every corner of my heart. I snaked my arm inside his elbow as he led me towards them. I noticed the guys truly staring, I figured it was something he made up just to boost my confidence, but he truly was right.

„And I can’t believe I smashed your toy chopper when we were little.” He jerked his head to the side, looking taken aback.

„You what? Mom told- ” He cut himself off and for a moment I thought I was going to get in very big trouble for not being able to keep my mouth shut. Oops, right? But he just burst out in laughter. „That’s okay, I gave your malibu Stacy to Sparky to have something to chew on.”

„It was you?” The surprise on my face was genuine. Dad told me Sparky, or one and only dog, who died a couple years ago, snook in and stole it, but then again how can he sneak in through a door which was locked? I should’ve figured that one. I hadn’t even noticed we were standing along the group of four, right in between Brian and Lexy and Matt and Jenna.

„My biggest congratulations guys.” Roy spoke and I remembered I had to smile in order to not look like I was about to murder someone. „I know J can be a bit sharp around the edges, but I also know, you’ll be capable of taming her.”

„Thanks man, it really means a lot.” Matt was glowing, while Brian didn’t even seem to have noticed us appearing. So much for Roy’s plan. Jenna was looking amazing in her tight dress, I can tell you that. She was sipping on some whiskey and looking like the happiest woman who had walked the earth.

„So it really happened huh?” Jenna fixed her eyes on me, looking a bit puzzled, so I decided to explain myself. „The girl who said only a gun pressed to her temple would get her to say ‘I do’ got married before all of us... I’m really happy for you.”

„Thanks.” I let go of Roy’s arm to hug my sister from another mister.

„You care to explain what Candy is doing here?” She whispered in my ear as I snaked my arms around her.

„Entertaining my boyfriend.” I pulled away, to show her my sad smile. I could feel tears dwelling up. So much for the be-brave and show Brian his place, plan.

„You okay?” She asked quietly, too quiet for others to hear, but loud enough for me to catch on. I nodded my head.

„Weddings just get me emotional.” My fingers wiped the tears away from the corner of my eye and I felt I was two seconds away from emotional break down. I noticed her stare which said- don’t lay that bullshit on me, but I couldn’t deal with that at the moment. „Excuse me.”

I hurried away, ignoring Roy’s questioning look and ran inside the house, where all the staff were doing their job with the food and making the house more beautiful. It was meant for the new couple and guests to stay over the night. I doubted I was going to stay even as long as to see the newly weds have their first dance. I wasn’t even sure Jenna knew how to dance, beside swaying her hips when being under a large amount of booze.

I passed some staff members in white shirts, before I got to the staircase and up to the room J and Matt had given us and Brian to stay in. It was open so I just charged in, slamming the door behind me and falling on my fours as soon as I realized no one’s coming after me. The hot and salty tears were rolling down my cheeks and I darn well knew they were ruining my expensive Saint Lauren mascara, but I just couldn’t deal with the black whole inside my chest. It felt like Brian had ripped my heart out and stumped on it for several times. The darkness he left in my body was slowly taking over, making me sob away on the beautiful white carpet. I hoped no one would get mad over a ruined rug, cause I sure as hell couldn’t afford to buy this place a new one.

What was wrong with me? Why did everyone leave me when their ex’s appeared around the horizon? Where was the problem? Was I not pretty enough? Was I not smart enough? What? What was it? Please, just someone tell me... I beg you. My fingers slid in my hair as I rocked back and forth, not being able to pull myself together. It hurt like hell and no ibuprofen could deal with this kind of pain. It was tearing me inside out. The darkness was scratching me from inside, ‘gently’ rubbing sand paper around my feelings. Okay, Ally, pull yourself together. Your better than this... No. No, I can’t. I’m not better. I’m exactly this... this mess.

„Baby?” I hadn’t even heard anyone coming in, and I sure as hell hadn’t noticed this someone trying to pull me up from the ground, until I realized I was fighting back. „Ally what’s wrong?” You’re wrong. There’s nothing right about you, Brian.

„Please just... just go...” He knelt down beside me, trying to look me in face. „Leave me alone...”

„I’m not leaving you like this...” Oh, but you are. Over her. His arm wrapped around my waist from behind and in just a second I found myself in his lap with his fingers grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him. „Look at me... Al, I said look at me.” His voice switched from soothing to stern in just seconds. I was fighting back like the stubborn bitch I truly was. My eyes were going to open only over my dead body. No. Not going to happen. But something right then and there made me obey. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t do anything, it was something that had twitched inside me. I understood something. He was here, with me, not with that... Lexy. Even in my own thoughts I spat the word out like it was poison. I opened my eyes to see concern written all over his face. „What happened?”

I shook my head, not being able to answer when I realized the second wave of tears is going to come.

„Fine, we can sit here... But you’ll be angry for not seeing how Jenna get’s a black eye in her attempt to waltz...” Oh so now he was trying to lighten the atmosphere. I was already angry. And sad. And a hell lot of depressed. His lame attempts to cheer me up just made my hysteria grow even bigger. Why couldn’t he just tell me straight away? Why couldn’t he be a man and tell- sorry, I love someone else?

„You... You should go ba-back...” I stuttered not being able to even speak normally. I could’ve bet on hundred bucks I was looking real pathetic.

„I’m not going anywhere without you...” His thumb brushed a tear away. Why? Why was he torturing me so much? Goddamit, I got the point, right now he was just making it a lot harder for me. I couldn’t handle it anymore, I flunk to his chest, allowing his arms to wrap around me as my make-up was probably ruining his shirt. Let’s just forget the fact it was black. His hand ran up and down my back in a soothing manner and I just forget myself for a moment. After a while the sobs left me, but I didn’t want to leave him.

„Now that you have calmed down, can you tell me what made you react like this? Did someone say something to you?” I didn’t want to raise my head, if I did so, there was a great chance I would go in hysterics all over again. How could he be so heartless? Didn’t he think the way he acted really hurt me?

„You...” That was the only thing I could get out of myself.

„What did I say?” You didn’t say anything, you did something. He sighed. „You don’t have to listen to me half of the time... You know that.”

„Are you leaving me?” Finally I lifted my head to look him in the eyes.

„What are you talking about?” He was frowning greatly, not being prepared for a question of this matter. If the pain wasn’t being changed into the same old madness, I would’ve even considered the genuine stupefaction in his face.

„I’m talking about you and Lexy.” His body tensed up beneath mine just by bringing her up in the subject. Oh what the heck, let’s just say everything. „I know about the photo you used to carry in your wallet.” His mouth was sealed shut, not a sound escaped his lips. Yeah, I figured that much. Groggily, but somehow I did in fact get to my feet and he didn’t even bother to stop me. I had been right. „Don’t lie and don’t say you don’t feel anything for her, cause I know you do.”

„It’s... It’s complicated...” Right now he was the one who looked like a train wreck. You know what hurt even more? The fact that I had been right. I hoped he was going to deny everything, but look at that. „I-„

„Listen, I know the story. She left you for a rich guy... I get it.” I walked over to the mirror to look at my reflection, feeling awfully calm while speaking about her. „You’re rich and famous now and you want to make a comeback.”

„I’m-„

„Don’t... Don’t make this hard on both of us.” Man, I looked terrible. My face was covered in black stripes and my eyes were the reddest I had ever seen them. He was still sitting on the floor, with a dumbfounded grimace on his face.

„Can you just let me explain?” Finally he snapped. „Jesus.” He boosted himself up and just moments later he was standing behind my back, looking me in the eye from the mirror. „I’m not going after Lexy. I’m done with her. If you remember correctly I already did make a comeback... At the time when you were so caught up in your club, I did in fact run after her and I realized it was a huge mistake.” So that’s why you’re dating a girl, who’s a copy of her? „I truly was inlove with her, but that was a very long time ago. Why should I feel the need to be with you when I could be with her?”

„I don’t know... Guy logic probably.”

„You are really messed up you know that?” Gee, thanks for the compliment. He turned me around so I was facing him. He squinted his dark brown eyes, not ever letting go of my upper arms. „I love you.” What? „I love every inch of you. Even when you hit me with that big spoon and make me take out the trash...” His lips turned into a warm smile and just then I noticed his eyes smiling too.

„How can you love me? I’m a mess...” I still couldn’t quite catch a breath. He was the first guy to tell me he loved me, even if it wasn’t true. I really had a hard time believing his words. Imagine why.

„You’re my perfect mess.” His lips touched mine and I could say he had never kissed me like this. His lips were gentle, he was not forcing anything and I could really feel something beautiful glowing from him. I wanted to get lost in the moment, but he was in other thoughts. He pulled away. „You know how we are... We fight... A lot, sure I want to murder you now and then, but it’s all okay, because I love you. I’m so out of my mind crazy about you, Ally Morgan, I don’t really know what to do with myself. I used to make fun of Matt, but now I know how it is. My day is ruined when I don’t see you, and when I see you, even a catastrophe doesn’t seem as bad anymore.” I was completely blown away by his words. He... truly loved me. He... the famous rockstar. He... out of all the people. „And yes, I’d like to have grandchildren... With you. I hope you caught the bouquet, cause I’m going to marry you, even if you don’t approve.”

„Your sister caught it...” My eyes were glued to him. I couldn’t describe the feeling, happiness, joy, ecstasy really didn’t describe the overwhelm I was experiencing. I just wanted to hug him and never let go.

„Then I guess we have to steal it from her...” He had this mischievous grin, before he pulled me in a long and passionate kiss. „I just hope you didn’t create this scene just to ditch me, imagining it would make me feel better...” His eyebrows were puckering together, while his hands were still cupping the sides of my face. It really seemed like he was considering the thought.

„When had you seen me crying?”

„Never.” His browns were still studying my face, looking for something he most definitely wouldn’t find there. „Until now...”

„Exactly... I realized I was in love with you, that’s why it hurt like a bitch to see you with someone else.”

„Oh baby...” He pulled me into his clasps laying a kiss on the top of my head. „I would never ever, ever leave you for her.”

„But for someone else? For someone who is even smarter and good looking than me, although I know that’s not possible.”

„No. For no one. You’re the most beautiful, smartest little pixie I have ever met and I doubt I’ll meet another pixie throughout my entire life.”

„You knew?”

„Knew what?”

„That time at Vagabond...” I tore my cheek away from his chest and looked up to see him still glowing. „When Roy introduced me to you... You knew who I was?”

„Of course.” The corners of his mouth raised in a warm smile. „In fact... Believe it or not, but I had been searching since our first night together for you.”

„You’re lying...” My eyes grew wide, but he just shook his head.

„No. I’m not. I returned when my tour ended, but Roy just told me you left.” He explained. „He didn’t trust me enough to let me be with you and he didn’t tell me where you went.”

„So why did you act like you did previously?” I had a hard time believing he was really looking for me. Brian just shrugged to the question.

„I thought playing the asshole would be for the best. I was not ready to tell the truth. Men logic.” Yeah, indeed. „But then I found you in Huntington Beach. At first I couldn’t believe my eyes, you had changed and I wasn’t even sure it was you. I didn’t know your name after all, in fact I didn’t know anything about you except you liked to bite people...” I blushed remembering the teeth marks on his skin those years back. „So being my charming self as per usual, I was a complete dick... And you know what? I met Lexy after you. When I was in Miami for the first time, we weren’t big at all. We all had our day jobs to earn something, so we could get somewhere. Lexy never believed we could achieve something this big.”

„And you still were an arrogant bastard.”

„That flows in the Haner blood.” That devilish side smirk. „You should get to know my dad... You’d be glad you’ve wound up with me.”

"I really doubt it." I was back to being my sarcastic and witty self. Thank god. He just smirked and embraced me even tighter.

"I'm sure you'll rethink everything when we'll stay the next weekend at his house." We... What?