Everything You Want

Two hours later found Norman walking through Seans’ apartment door, not even bothering to knock. I heard the door open and close just a few short minutes after he had left for the day, but I assumed he’d left something here. I strolled through the small hallway in only an oversized t-shirt, virtually no makeup, and my long chocolate hair thrown into a very messy bun while I got ready.

“Sean, what’d you for- shit!” I squeaked, jumping a little when I saw Norman standing in the doorway. His eyes were wide, and his face was flush with embarrassment. Neither of us moved at first, just staring like two blushing deer caught in the headlights.

“I- uh, hey,” he stammered, his hands fiddling with the keys. “I uh, I had a key… and I didn’t really think.”

“N-no, it’s fine,” I muttered, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. “I’ll, uh… five minutes, I’ll be ready. Sorry, I lost track of time…”

I spun around and dashed back to the bathroom, locking the door behind me with a pounding heart. I slipped into my ice-wash jeans that had strategically placed little holes ripped into the knees, a fitted white t-shirt that said “DO. EPIC. CHIC.” down the front, and applied just basic eyeliner and mascara. I put my winged ear cuff earring onto my right ear, with a simple diamond stud in my left. I was hobbling down the hallway back to Norman while I attempted to also put my grey suede Jacquard TOMS.

“Okay, okay. Sorry, I’m ready now,” I breathed, standing up straight and grabbing a dark grey hoodie I’d thrown onto the back of the sofa.

“You sure? No rush,” said Norman with a slight smirk. I nodded, pulling the hoodie over my head quickly.

“Yeah, I’m good. Let’s go.”

With that, I slipped out of the apartment and Norman locked the door behind us. I trailed behind him through the building and onto the street, where his bike was. I paused a moment on the sidewalk, a sense of nostalgia and déjà vu overwhelming my senses. When we were together, going for a ride with Norman on his bike had been one of my favorite things in the world to do. Now… I wasn’t sure if I could handle that, not being with him.

He seemed oblivious and continued to situate himself on his bike before holding a helmet out to me. I gnawed on my bottom lip, suddenly extremely nervous around him.

“You alright?” he called, voice muffled slightly by his own helmet.

“Really, your bike? My hair is going to get all jacked up,” I whined, and he chuckled softly.

“It’ll be fine, Kenz. I promise. You’ll still look beautiful.”

After another moment, I finally caved and took the helmet from his hands and shoved it over my head. Taking a deep breath, I slung my leg over the bike and settled in behind him. My hands gripped the cold metal of the bars behind me on the bike, praying the drive wouldn’t be long.

“Kenz, you gotta hold on,” he called.

“I am,”

“No, to me. You gotta hold on to me.”

Norman had started the bike now, the engine roaring in my ears, and I realized he was waiting for me. Tentatively, I wrapped my arms around his middle- a feeling all too familiar, yet so foreign. He revved the bike once, twice, three times and then pulled away from the curb, into the bustling New York City streets. Once established on the road, the speed picked up in an instant and we began weaving in and out of traffic. The sudden change in momentum had spooked me slightly, leaving me gripping on to Norman for dear life with my face buried between his strong shoulders.

We reached Vera Wang in right around five minutes, allowing me to be a good fifteen minutes early. I climbed off the bike, and found my legs were a little wobbly. Norman grinned at me, grabbing ahold of my upper arm so I could steady myself while his helmet was tucked safely underneath the other.

“You okay?”

Sheepishly, I smiled at him after I removed the helmet. “Yeah, it’s… it’s been a while. Forgot what it’s like, I guess.”

His smile fell slightly as he turned towards the building and his hand moved from gripping my arm to my upper back, guiding me forward. I peered up at the daunting building in front of me, home to one of the most prestigious clothing lines of high fashion. I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath while we paused at the front door.

When my eyes flickered open, they were met by Normans- patiently waiting. I gave him a tiny nod, and he pulled the door open for us. I stepped forward when the tiniest amount of pressure was applied to the spot on my back where his hand rested, reminding me I had to move my feet in order to actually go anywhere.

A woman dressed in a business suit hurried over to us, clipboard in hand.

“Welcome to Vera Wang, may I help you?”

“Yeah, I have a go-see with Ms. Wang,” I replied. The lady gave a curt nod, beckoning us forward as she turned away. Her heels clicked on the marble flooring, loud and annoying, with a small echo. Norman and I shared a glance out of the corner of our eyes, our memories no doubt mirroring the other; we always used to make fun of people like that with Sean, who once walked not even ten feet behind a woman, pretending he was wearing high heels and holding his nose to the clouds. We cracked a small smile, mine more nervous than anything, with scrunched noses.

The clipboard lady paused, holding her hand towards a short staircase. “She’ll be right up waiting for you.”

“Thank you,” I murmured, and we quickly began the ascent.

The stairway emptied into a large room with windows reaching from the floor to the ceiling. It was overly lavish with obvious Asian influence, and the walls were adorned with some of the most expensive wedding gowns and high fashion dresses I had seen to date.

“Miss Kamden?”

My eyes darted left, where a small Asian woman approached. “Yes, ma’am.”

“You’re early- I like that.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” I replied, and she smiled politely.

“Right this way, we’ll get started immediately. No need in wasting time, now. If you’ll follow me, we can pick out a couple wedding gowns for you to walk in and then some of my Fall collection. When you walk for me, you’ll start at the end of the room there, and walk straight to where we are now.”

Vera Wang turned, beckoning me forward with her hand. I glanced up at Norman nervously, and he gave me a reassuring smile before taking the helmet from my arms. “You’ll be great, Kenz. You’ve got this.”

The first wedding gown Vera put me in, was an off-white, almost cream colored, sweetheart strapless. There was a large ribbon underneath the bust that tied on my side before the corset met the skirt- where it billowed out in a voluptuous hoop made of layer upon layer of sheer material. The dress was heavy- extremely so, but it didn’t matter. She led me back to the original room we had entered in to, and I took a deep breath as she walked around me a few times- inspecting how the dress fit my body. My eyes met Normans across the room, and he smiled softly. It was a small smile, barely noticeable, but it still delivered the intended calming effect. There was something behind his calm exterior, something hidden behind his masked eyes that I couldn’t quite place initially and didn’t have time to dwell on.

“Spin.”

At her command, I slowly spun in a circle. She was smiling faintly, eyes still roaming my body.

“Lovely. Now, walk.”

Instantly, I stepped off at her command with my eyes trained on a spot against the back wall, slightly above eye level. I strutted down to where Norman was standing, and paused while I struck a slight pose- one hand on my hip, staring straight ahead. I shifted slightly, hitting an imaginary angle to the left of me, before I spun around- never looking away until the last possible second, and strutting back to Vera. I halted in front of her, holding the same pose I had near Norman. She maneuvered around me, jotting notes onto a small pad.

“Wonderful. I’ve seen all I need to in this dress. On to the next.”

She put me in a wine red, Renaissance style hoop dress next. All I did was spin in that one, and she sent me back to change again.

This time, I walked out in one of her Fall collection dresses. It was dark, with the neck stretching in a perfect line to my shoulders. It fit straight down my body, right above my knees, with intricate silver flower designs etched into the fabric.

Again, she had me stand still while she inspected it, and then ordered a walk. This dress was lighter, smaller, shorter. I could walk quicker in it, and move more freely. My walk this time, had a little more sass and pep in each step.

“I like your walk, Miss Kamden. Very confident.Very sexy.Very powerful. Most girls don’t have all of that in one, it’s very rare to find.”

“Thank you,” I smiled, and she nodded.

“We will be in touch, thank you for your time today.”

“It was my pleasure, thank you, Miss Wang, for allowing me.”

She smiled a little softer this time, and I disappeared back to the dressing room.

---

“So? How’d it go?” asked Norman once we stepped back into the frigid cold. Neither of us had said anything while we moved through the building, both holding our breaths almost.

“Erm, it was… better than I expected, really.”

“That’s good, right?”

I nodded, slipping the helmet back on.

“Good, where to next?”

“Uhh, Jacobs. Marc Jacobs.”

“Fancy,” he commented before we both slid onto the motorcycle. This time, I didn’t hesitate to slip my arms around him the moment we both were situated. His body was warm, undeniably so, even in the wind. He started the bike up, and off we went.

---

In two hours, Norman and I had hit all six of my go-see’s for the day. We had agreed on a late lunch near the harbor, which had led us to walking aimlessly around near the water. It was beautiful, really.

“Thank you for taking me around today,” I said softly, leaning against the railing. “You didn’t have to, and I wouldn’t of blamed you otherwise.”

“Really, Kenz. You don’t have to thank me,” said Norman, copying my movement. His forearms propped him against the railing while his helmet lay on the concrete at his feet.

Suddenly, I was struck with overwhelming curiosity. I wasn’t a fan of go-sees, and found them terribly exhausting and mentally draining. They were all the same: someone was scrutinizing your body shape, and the way you presented your walk. They judged your personality, your smile, your teeth, hair… every little detail about you. I hated that part of my job, and couldn’t imagine why Norman would want to be drug along. “Why?”

When he didn’t respond quickly, I dared a glance up at him through my Ray Bans. He was nibbling the side of his lip, staring into the ocean, deep in through. That was something that had been a nervous tick of his for years, dating back to even before I had met him. Finally, he let out a sigh. “Because I’m spending time with you. That’s why.”

My breath caught in my throat, and there were the butterflies acting up in my stomach again. Norman was refusing to look at me, and I was a little grateful for that. I knew the shock was plastered onto my face, so I simply looked back at the water, myself, as he stuck a cigarette between his lips and lit it. It was a trait that I had hated, much like Sean, but unlike him I had also found it absurdly attractive -I’m not even sure why, but Norman was the only man I’d ever come across who could make smoking attractive.

I pushed the thought away and we stood in silence for several minutes, just thinking to ourselves. His statement had really blown my mind- Norman had agreed to two hours of mind-numbing torture, just so he could spend time with me. I couldn’t fully wrap my mind around the thought, and even less the fact that I realized it had made me a little giddy.

Times like this, I had missed dearly. Doing a whole lot of nothing important, walking around the city with Norman. I loved observing the hustle and bustle of city life, and I still found it unsurprising that Norman and Sean had become a part of that fast-paced lifestyle. They both were such dedicated actors, and gave their 100% every day- and then some. I was proud of them both, but still adjusting to seeing their faces all over.

Earlier, when Norman and I exited one of the stores, he had been approached by a mother and her son- both massive fans of The Walking Dead, wanting a photo with him and his autograph. Norman had checked with me on time, and I assured him we would be fine. It brought a smile to my lips and warmed my heart seeing the way he interacted with his fans. Lots of celebrities would run, or blow them off. Not Norman- never. He was always so interested in what they had to say, and always so humble and grateful for their support. He was even a little awkward about it- relieving me that he was still the Norman he always had been.

“Are you cold?”

I glanced over at him, shaking my head no. “I’m fine.”

“You’re shivering, Kenz,” he laughed, shrugging off his nice leather jacket. He draped it around my shoulders, holding it so I could slide my arms in.

“Norman, no, you’re going to fucking freeze,” I argued.

“No way, I’m used to this. Plus, you’re already freezing and I’ve got to take care of you,” he insisted, and with a blush I slipped my arms through the sleeves.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, staring awkwardly at the guard rail. The jacket was a cocoon of warmth, and the smell of his musky cologne and cigarette smoke filled my senses immediately. For a moment, I forgot we had spent the last ten years without talking, that we had broken up, and that we weren’t nineteen and twenty-five anymore. “C’mon.”

I slid my hand around his forearm, and tugged him towards a coffee shop.

“Hold on,” he murmured, and jogged off to his bike quickly. He placed the helmet on one of the handlebars, and returned to me. “Coffee?”

I nodded eagerly with a smile that he matched. Norman held out his arm to me, and I blinked a couple times as I stared at it. I glanced at his face, and he only rolled his eyes with a smirk.

“C’mon, Kenz.”

I complied, and hooked my arm through his. My fingers rested lightly on the smooth skin of his forearm again, while his hands were shoved into his pockets. We began walking towards the Starbucks only a block away, and I shuffled closer to his body. Without even realizing it, my thumb was making small circles against his arm- it all felt so natural, like second nature. I guess, with Norman, it really was becoming second nature again the more I was relaxing around him.
When I did realize I had moved so close to him, I was pressed against his side and stroking his forearm, I immediately began to pull away- embarrassed, and terrified.

“Don’t,” he pleaded, and his shaken voice was barely above a whisper. I opened my mouth to argue, but froze when I looked over at him.

The blue in his wide eyes had filled with panic, and I sighed softly before tucking myself back into his side. I fully wrapped my arm through his, and even placed my free hand just above his wrist. I offered a slight smile when the panic fizzled out, only to be replaced with a longing, need, and desire so pure and innocent that it took my breath away.

We stayed like that for just a second, before moving towards the coffee shop again with my fingers running up and down his arm. By the time we stepped inside, I was practically clinging to Norman for warmth. I couldn’t imagine how he wasn’t turning blue or shivering, yet.

“Cinnamon Dolce Latte, with a shot of white chocolate. Venti,” Norman informed the barista, before looking down at me. “What do you want?”

I shifted my lips to one side, examining the menu. “What was it you brought the other day?”

Normans bright smile tugged on my heart, more than I wanted to admit, before he turned back to the girl at the counter. “Make that two, please.”

She nodded, ringing it up. “That will be $8.63.”

“I’ve got it,” I told Norman, nudging his ribs slightly with my elbow as I reached for my wallet.

“Not in your dreams, honey,” he replied, smirking as he handed the girl a plastic card. She smiled at us briefly, swiped the card, and handed it back to Norman. I rolled my eyes playfully, but flinched when I felt his arm slide carefully to my side as he tugged me closer. I complied, resting my head against his shoulder.

“You two are really cute,” the barista said, smiling from ear to ear. I knew without even looking that Norman had begun to furiously blush, and he wouldn’t be able to form a response.

“We’re, um, we’re not together,” I informed her, stumbling through the sentence myself. Her smile never wavered, but she simply raised her eyebrows.

“You should be, then.”

“I think so, too,” said Norman softly, but instead of replying I simply turned away- convinced my cheeks were probably scarlet by now. The girl laughed softly, handing us our drinks. We both gave her a thank you, and headed towards the door. I could faintly hear her whisper a ‘good luck’ to Norman before he caught up to me again, opening the door before I could reach it.

“I can open a door,” I joked, waiting for him on the street. His arm returned around my waist and he peered down at me.

“It doesn’t matter, you shouldn’t have to,” insisted Norman, ever the gentleman, and I tucked my cherry-red face into his chest. A low rumble met my ears as he chuckled, and we began walking back towards the harbor.

We both finished our coffees quickly, and discarded them in one of the various trash cans that adorned the streets. From there, we began slowly backtracking to where the motorcycle waited. His fingers traced little circles through my thick hoodie, where his arm rested underneath the jacket. My heart was thudding an uneven rhythm in my chest, and shivers were zipping through me that I was certain had nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with the man beside me.

The abrupt ringing of my cell phone shattered the silence between us, and I jumped closer to Norman- if at all possible- before pulling it out of my back pocket.

Sean Patrick Flanery

I slid the unlock and answer on my iphone, and put the phone to my ear. Before I could get a word in, he was talking.

“McKenzi, where the fuck are you? Please, God, tell me you’re with Reedus…”

“Yeah, Sean, he’s right here… what’s up?”

“Fuck, I really hate to do this… but you’ve got to get home, now. Kenz, right now, as fast as he can drive that bike through town.”

I glanced nervously up at Norman, who was looking down at me with his eyebrows pulled together in concern. The raw terror in Seans voice had made my blood run cold as ice.

“Is everything okay, Sean? What’s going on? Talk to me…”

“McKenzi, this… I can’t tell you over the phone,” Seans voice cracked, then. “Just come home, please."

My heart stopped for a second, and my eyes widened. I couldn’t breathe, my throat was closing up. Sean had given me literally zero information, but something about the emotion and fear laced with pain in his words terrified me to my very core.

“Sean-“

“I’ll explain the second you two get here. Just, hurry. And be careful. I love you.”

Then, the line went dead. I pulled the phone away from my ear, staring at it in disbelief. The call-screen disappeared, fading back in to the home screen where I saw there were several missed texts. I clicked through them quickly.

From: Dad
Can't wait to see you tonight. Love you baby girl. 08:43

From: Mom
Hey honey! Just letting you know your father and I are headed over to the city now, we'll be there after a while. We love you! So excited to see you again, sweetie. Make sure Norman is there tonight! We miss him, too! 11:14

From: Sean
Call me.9:58
Hey, what are you guys up to?12:27
Kenz, call me, now.13:18
McKenzi there’s been an accident- get your ass home as soon as you read this. I fucking love you with all my heart, I can’t ever lose you or Reedus- tell him to be fucking careful driving you guys back here.16:50

“Norm-“

“I know,” he sighed, shoving his phone into his pocket before he ran a hand through his hair. “I got them too. Let’s go, babe.”